How to deal with lukewarm interest?

A little before New Year's of this year, I got out of a relationship where the guy came on really strong, said I love you after two dates, was nagging me to pick out a ring ASAP, wanted us to have kids right away, FaceTime videochatted with me on the phone every single night since we met--you get the idea. I ended up not wanting to marry him once I actually got to know him (for reasons other than him being really into me).

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Since then, I have dated a few guys... but I'm now facing the opposite problem: I feel like they want to go on dates with me, but they're not THAT into me. And I'm afraid to get invested in them and then get hurt.

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Note: It's not an age thing, since the guy who was dying to get married was 31 and the other guys are 35-37. I'm early 30s as well. None of us has any kids. I met the marriage-eager guy in real life and met the guys below via OLD.

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Guy 1, The Player: Handsome and charming, but we had zero in common. I felt like his charm was insincere since, as I mentioned, we had NOTHING in common. He was movie-star cute and super flirty, but we couldn't really have a conversation.

Guy 2, The Sarcastic Asshole: He kept talking about sex and trying to get me to go back to his place. He also subtly criticized me on every date (not my looks, but everything else about me). I ended up cutting him off and not doing anything physical even though I liked him; I just didn't like the way he treated ME.

Guy 3, The Workaholic: Brilliant, studious, and we have a lot of common interests. He's a gentleman. But our third date is coming up, and he has not touched me or flirted with me at all. (Yes, my previous post is about him.) He texts me once a day--literally about one text a day. Usually his text is about how he's soooo busy at work. What worries me is that he is only seeing me once a week, on weekends. I get that he works long hours, but I hate feeling like this needy suckbag who wants to see someone more than 3 hours a week and maybe, I dunno, touch them? I don't know if he's just busy or not THAT interested.

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How do you deal with the other person's lukewarm interest, early on? Can lukewarm turn into strong interest? How do I play this?



Submitted May 23, 2019 at 06:48PM

A little before New Year's of this year, I got out of a relationship where the guy came on really strong, said I love you after two dates, was nagging me to pick out a ring ASAP, wanted us to have kids right away, FaceTime videochatted with me on the phone every single night since we met--you get the idea. I ended up not wanting to marry him once I actually got to know him (for reasons other than him being really into me).​Since then, I have dated a few guys... but I'm now facing the opposite problem: I feel like they want to go on dates with me, but they're not THAT into me. And I'm afraid to get invested in them and then get hurt.​Note: It's not an age thing, since the guy who was dying to get married was 31 and the other guys are 35-37. I'm early 30s as well. None of us has any kids. I met the marriage-eager guy in real life and met the guys below via OLD.​Guy 1, The Player: Handsome and charming, but we had zero in common. I felt like his charm was insincere since, as I mentioned, we had NOTHING in common. He was movie-star cute and super flirty, but we couldn't really have a conversation.Guy 2, The Sarcastic Asshole: He kept talking about sex and trying to get me to go back to his place. He also subtly criticized me on every date (not my looks, but everything else about me). I ended up cutting him off and not doing anything physical even though I liked him; I just didn't like the way he treated ME.Guy 3, The Workaholic: Brilliant, studious, and we have a lot of common interests. He's a gentleman. But our third date is coming up, and he has not touched me or flirted with me at all. (Yes, my previous post is about him.) He texts me once a day--literally about one text a day. Usually his text is about how he's soooo busy at work. What worries me is that he is only seeing me once a week, on weekends. I get that he works long hours, but I hate feeling like this needy suckbag who wants to see someone more than 3 hours a week and maybe, I dunno, touch them? I don't know if he's just busy or not THAT interested.​How do you deal with the other person's lukewarm interest, early on? Can lukewarm turn into strong interest? How do I play this?
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