Stay and be unhappy, or leave and be unhappy?

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I apologize in advance if this gets lengthy.

My wife and I would be having our 4 year anniversary coming up later this year, but I'm heavily considering divorce.

Currently, I work over 40 hours a week while my wife stays home to manage our kids. Over the past several years in our current residency, my time has been consisted of coming home from work to a messy house. Given my wife "works" from home (she sells products), she sometimes has a lot of time on her hands. Sometimes I would walk in the house and she would be just sitting on the couch, while there's dishes to be washed, clothes to be put in the dryer/folded, food in the floor from the kids, etc. Not to mention sometimes, she would also be expecting me to cook dinner for that night.

It gets a little worse though. Sometimes we can go an entire week without speaking to each other, essentially her giving me the cold shoulder because something doesn't go her way. One time in particular, she had a duplicate transaction in her bank account and because I tried to help her and ultimately told her "it's not that serious" (maybe my error?), she did not speak to me for an entire week. Over the last year, it's gotten to the point that we consistently don't talk to each other maybe a week and a half out of every month. When I mention to her about how this makes me feel and affects me and our marriage, she basically tells me that I'm capable of talking to her just as well as she is. On top of all of that, no one in her intermediate family likes me. My mother in law, in particular, has not spoken to me since our oldest child was born. This situation stems from her owing me money, to keep a long story short. When I bring this up to her, whether in casual conversation or a disagreement, she tells me I need to chalk it up with her mother or shut up about it.

Fast forward to now, I've let her know I'm going to be leaving and she's taking me on a guilt trip with her. As I said previously, we have several young kids, one of which may be autistic and one that just started school. I've mentioned leaving in the past, but I get hit with the same dilemma; do I stay to keep my family and kids intact but be unhappy, or do I leave and change our lives in which it has never been changed before? I love my kids so much and the thought of not being able to put them to sleep every night and wake up every morning kills me inside, but I don't want to go through this BS with my wife for the rest of my life. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

Submitted May 23, 2019 at 09:30AM

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I apologize in advance if this gets lengthy.My wife and I would be having our 4 year anniversary coming up later this year, but I'm heavily considering divorce.Currently, I work over 40 hours a week while my wife stays home to manage our kids. Over the past several years in our current residency, my time has been consisted of coming home from work to a messy house. Given my wife "works" from home (she sells products), she sometimes has a lot of time on her hands. Sometimes I would walk in the house and she would be just sitting on the couch, while there's dishes to be washed, clothes to be put in the dryer/folded, food in the floor from the kids, etc. Not to mention sometimes, she would also be expecting me to cook dinner for that night.It gets a little worse though. Sometimes we can go an entire week without speaking to each other, essentially her giving me the cold shoulder because something doesn't go her way. One time in particular, she had a duplicate transaction in her bank account and because I tried to help her and ultimately told her "it's not that serious" (maybe my error?), she did not speak to me for an entire week. Over the last year, it's gotten to the point that we consistently don't talk to each other maybe a week and a half out of every month. When I mention to her about how this makes me feel and affects me and our marriage, she basically tells me that I'm capable of talking to her just as well as she is. On top of all of that, no one in her intermediate family likes me. My mother in law, in particular, has not spoken to me since our oldest child was born. This situation stems from her owing me money, to keep a long story short. When I bring this up to her, whether in casual conversation or a disagreement, she tells me I need to chalk it up with her mother or shut up about it.Fast forward to now, I've let her know I'm going to be leaving and she's taking me on a guilt trip with her. As I said previously, we have several young kids, one of which may be autistic and one that just started school. I've mentioned leaving in the past, but I get hit with the same dilemma; do I stay to keep my family and kids intact but be unhappy, or do I leave and change our lives in which it has never been changed before? I love my kids so much and the thought of not being able to put them to sleep every night and wake up every morning kills me inside, but I don't want to go through this BS with my wife for the rest of my life. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.