She just wants something casual

I’ve [M/32] been dating a woman [F/30] since late February this year. We went on dates roughly once a week for the first month and after the third date we were sleeping together. Then suddenly from mid-April to mid-May (3 and a half weeks) I didn’t see her because she kept having excuses of being busy and unavailable. This really threw me as until then I thought things were heading somewhere. She worked a few jobs so had valid reasons but I knew if she really was interested she would have made the effort regardless.

I backed off and gave her some space, we ended up meeting again for a date and slept together two weeks ago. This was confusing because I half expected to be told she wasn’t interested anymore. Another week past and we caught up again recently. I decided I wanted to get some clarity.

I asked her what she was looking for and she told me she wasn’t looking for a relationship, she wanted something casual because she didn’t want to feel “an obligation to anyone right now”. I responded that I figured that was the case and that I wanted a relationship. I wasn’t ready to throw it away so I said I’d consider being casual and get back to her.

As much as I do want a relationship having the clarity now means I can assess this for what it is. The sex is great and she’s fun to be around so I’m thinking maybe I can continue to see her but only as a casual thing and look for something more meaningful with someone else.

I’m concerned I care for her too much and this won’t be a good idea, so we’ll see. One good thing I also clarified was that she wasn’t seeing anyone else. It would suck if I was the casual fuck while she had a meaningful relationship.

If I felt I could say “you either want a relationship me or nothing” and she’d choose a relationship then I’d go for it, but I know she won’t go for that. I figure why lose out completely, if I enjoy the sex keep that going while I pursue real love.

Interested to hear your thoughts on this situation and whether you’ve experienced similar.

TL;DR: dated a woman since late Feb, seemed like it wasn’t going anywhere, finally clarified and she only wants casual, I’m disappointed but considering adjusting feelings/expectations and going along with it but unsure if that’s a good idea

Submitted May 24, 2019 at 03:47AM

I’ve [M/32] been dating a woman [F/30] since late February this year. We went on dates roughly once a week for the first month and after the third date we were sleeping together. Then suddenly from mid-April to mid-May (3 and a half weeks) I didn’t see her because she kept having excuses of being busy and unavailable. This really threw me as until then I thought things were heading somewhere. She worked a few jobs so had valid reasons but I knew if she really was interested she would have made the effort regardless.I backed off and gave her some space, we ended up meeting again for a date and slept together two weeks ago. This was confusing because I half expected to be told she wasn’t interested anymore. Another week past and we caught up again recently. I decided I wanted to get some clarity.I asked her what she was looking for and she told me she wasn’t looking for a relationship, she wanted something casual because she didn’t want to feel “an obligation to anyone right now”. I responded that I figured that was the case and that I wanted a relationship. I wasn’t ready to throw it away so I said I’d consider being casual and get back to her.As much as I do want a relationship having the clarity now means I can assess this for what it is. The sex is great and she’s fun to be around so I’m thinking maybe I can continue to see her but only as a casual thing and look for something more meaningful with someone else.I’m concerned I care for her too much and this won’t be a good idea, so we’ll see. One good thing I also clarified was that she wasn’t seeing anyone else. It would suck if I was the casual fuck while she had a meaningful relationship.If I felt I could say “you either want a relationship me or nothing” and she’d choose a relationship then I’d go for it, but I know she won’t go for that. I figure why lose out completely, if I enjoy the sex keep that going while I pursue real love.Interested to hear your thoughts on this situation and whether you’ve experienced similar.TL;DR: dated a woman since late Feb, seemed like it wasn’t going anywhere, finally clarified and she only wants casual, I’m disappointed but considering adjusting feelings/expectations and going along with it but unsure if that’s a good idea