Completely stuck trying to navigate wife's emotions to small issues.

I'm at my wit's end trying to communicate big or small issues with my wife. I'm extremely laid back, logical and relaxed when it comes to tackling things with my partner but over the last few years things have gone from working as a team to my wife, more or less, forcing arguments about everything.

I've never had an issue like this, and I have worked really hard to go from a guy that's looking for a solution to everything to a husband that's listens and is there emotionally for her. But, I'm at the point where I'm having trouble with even basic conversation with her bc it will somehow morph into an issue, then the issue becomes that there is an issue, then that issues an issue, yadda yadda till I'm completely shut down.... Then of course that's an issue and "I always do this".

Without getting into a long winded example the best way I can describe this is like when you stub your toe you're hurt for a sec. You need a minute to ride it out physically/emotionally before you can handle anything else. Then you're good. My wife reacts to very simple things as if she's stubbed her toe and instead of riding it out or accepting it'll be ok, she is repeatedly kicking the wall with the same toe and trying to forcefully discuss it at the same time. I promise I'm am not reacting negatively or babying her, nothing that would result in the outcome. I always remain calm. The first words out of my mouth for the last 6 mo are along the lines of "I understand", "that stinks and I'm sorry", "is this something I can help with", "how can I help", etc. When I feel it's getting escalated I've been telling her let's take a breather and gather our thoughts so we can tackle this together when things have calmed down a little bit. Or something along those lines. It doesn't work.

What I've found is that if she is remotely bothered by something, really anything, almost everything, she will immediately react emotionally without thinking out it.

We've tried counseling and the result was the counselor listening to both of us and then explaining to her how she should have handled it differently or what she should be working on. I feel like a dick pointing it out in those words but after a lot of sessions it was really just a 3rd party professional explaining to her she's doing it wrong in the nicest way possible.

Any recommendations are super appreciated. I will answer any and all questions honestly. I am by no means a perfect husband or person so I'm very open to help. I want to save my marriage and want to be around my friend again.

EDIT: as prompted by a question, my wife suffers from anxiety. It's something I'm doing my best to understand. She was on meds early in our marriage but wanted to get off it bc it messed up her libido. She's been taking CBD and it seems to be helping but very expensive.

EDIT 2: thanks for all the comments so far, I'm feeling a lot less alone. I'm going to try to get to everyone. Keep them coming

Submitted May 23, 2019 at 05:05PM

I'm at my wit's end trying to communicate big or small issues with my wife. I'm extremely laid back, logical and relaxed when it comes to tackling things with my partner but over the last few years things have gone from working as a team to my wife, more or less, forcing arguments about everything.I've never had an issue like this, and I have worked really hard to go from a guy that's looking for a solution to everything to a husband that's listens and is there emotionally for her. But, I'm at the point where I'm having trouble with even basic conversation with her bc it will somehow morph into an issue, then the issue becomes that there is an issue, then that issues an issue, yadda yadda till I'm completely shut down.... Then of course that's an issue and "I always do this".Without getting into a long winded example the best way I can describe this is like when you stub your toe you're hurt for a sec. You need a minute to ride it out physically/emotionally before you can handle anything else. Then you're good. My wife reacts to very simple things as if she's stubbed her toe and instead of riding it out or accepting it'll be ok, she is repeatedly kicking the wall with the same toe and trying to forcefully discuss it at the same time. I promise I'm am not reacting negatively or babying her, nothing that would result in the outcome. I always remain calm. The first words out of my mouth for the last 6 mo are along the lines of "I understand", "that stinks and I'm sorry", "is this something I can help with", "how can I help", etc. When I feel it's getting escalated I've been telling her let's take a breather and gather our thoughts so we can tackle this together when things have calmed down a little bit. Or something along those lines. It doesn't work.What I've found is that if she is remotely bothered by something, really anything, almost everything, she will immediately react emotionally without thinking out it.We've tried counseling and the result was the counselor listening to both of us and then explaining to her how she should have handled it differently or what she should be working on. I feel like a dick pointing it out in those words but after a lot of sessions it was really just a 3rd party professional explaining to her she's doing it wrong in the nicest way possible.Any recommendations are super appreciated. I will answer any and all questions honestly. I am by no means a perfect husband or person so I'm very open to help. I want to save my marriage and want to be around my friend again.EDIT: as prompted by a question, my wife suffers from anxiety. It's something I'm doing my best to understand. She was on meds early in our marriage but wanted to get off it bc it messed up her libido. She's been taking CBD and it seems to be helping but very expensive.EDIT 2: thanks for all the comments so far, I'm feeling a lot less alone. I'm going to try to get to everyone. Keep them coming