“Why are you still single?” How do I answer this?

I’m not dodging opportunities for romance in my life, I’m just not focusing on much more than loving myself and being the best dog mom I can be. I’m super content and happy with my life and just doing me.

A guy (M31) that was one of my (F34) field techs in grad school starting talking to me on Instagram. (We worked very closely almost every day for three years but he was married and I was engaged - both relationships have been over for a while.) Looking back I realize he has tried to hit me up a few times in the last six months after he moved back to the state. The last time he asked me if I want to get a drink next time he is in the area where I live. Nothing came of it but I did notice he’s grown into a handsome man with a great sense of humor. So when he randomly messaged me last week, I invited him for a drink in my new neighborhood and he quickly responded yes, that he loves the town where I moved and now he has a tour guide. We messaged over the next few days but fizzled out after he left town and I moved to a new apartment in the city.

I randomly thought of him and sent him a completely random Instagram message. He responded and after a few messages he wrote, “How the f$@k are you still single? Taking a break from douche bags?”

Normally I would just reply with a joke about how I can’t be held down or something self-deprecating. But I want him to know I’m not closed off to romance but I don’t have the energy to pursue anything after a few relationships that wore me out. I always seem to do all the work to try to make things work and I’m not stopping for anyone who isn’t willing to put in as much effort as myself. I want him to pursue me so I don’t want to come off as guarded.



Submitted May 29, 2019 at 01:51AM

I’m not dodging opportunities for romance in my life, I’m just not focusing on much more than loving myself and being the best dog mom I can be. I’m super content and happy with my life and just doing me.A guy (M31) that was one of my (F34) field techs in grad school starting talking to me on Instagram. (We worked very closely almost every day for three years but he was married and I was engaged - both relationships have been over for a while.) Looking back I realize he has tried to hit me up a few times in the last six months after he moved back to the state. The last time he asked me if I want to get a drink next time he is in the area where I live. Nothing came of it but I did notice he’s grown into a handsome man with a great sense of humor. So when he randomly messaged me last week, I invited him for a drink in my new neighborhood and he quickly responded yes, that he loves the town where I moved and now he has a tour guide. We messaged over the next few days but fizzled out after he left town and I moved to a new apartment in the city.I randomly thought of him and sent him a completely random Instagram message. He responded and after a few messages he wrote, “How the f$@k are you still single? Taking a break from douche bags?”Normally I would just reply with a joke about how I can’t be held down or something self-deprecating. But I want him to know I’m not closed off to romance but I don’t have the energy to pursue anything after a few relationships that wore me out. I always seem to do all the work to try to make things work and I’m not stopping for anyone who isn’t willing to put in as much effort as myself. I want him to pursue me so I don’t want to come off as guarded.
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