Double standards and I'm sick of them

My husband and I haven't been married for a long time, and while we also haven't know each other for as long as I would have liked I don't feel like he's the same man k decided to marry. Recently we've gotten into a lot of arguments, and it always boils down to the same thing: that he doesn't help me with anything and he doesn't appreciate the tings I do for him, and in addition to that he doesn't reciprocate the same things I do for him.

For example, we're both in the military and we both sometimes have to stand 24hr duties (which is staying at work work for 24hrs). When he had to stay on base for that long I would go and bring him blankets and pillows and even his Xbox, many times without him even asking. I'd tidy the house for him when he came home so he could just go to bed after his work was done for the day.

Today I had duty as well, and when I asked if he could bring me blankets he told me to just ask if I could go myself because going home and coming back would be out of his way. And he's right, and while I don't do these things because I want him to "pay me back" I just feel like he doesn't care about me the same way he says.

Even simple things like cleaning after our dogs and doing laundry is a hassle for me to ask help for. He's gotten to the point where he lies about doing something and when I find out I blow my top because it's so simple, like just take out the trash!

What makes it worse is that I know he was engaged before me, and he used to do everything for his fiance. He bought her a phone, he let her drive his car, he'd go back to his parents house during the weekends to spend time with her when I have to practically beg him to spend time with me. I know it's silly to feel jealous about someone who's so far in the past but it's just starting to frustrate me. Because I know if she had asked him to do these things he would have.

Everything I bring it up he just tells me I'm nagging him but its starting to make me extremely unhappy to he point where I just don't like going home after work. I'll just take a long route home or change into civies and walk around the town just so I don't go home to being disappointed that he didn't do anything I asked again. I don't know what to do, maybe I just wrote this to vent, but any advice would help.



Submitted May 28, 2019 at 09:01PM

My husband and I haven't been married for a long time, and while we also haven't know each other for as long as I would have liked I don't feel like he's the same man k decided to marry. Recently we've gotten into a lot of arguments, and it always boils down to the same thing: that he doesn't help me with anything and he doesn't appreciate the tings I do for him, and in addition to that he doesn't reciprocate the same things I do for him.For example, we're both in the military and we both sometimes have to stand 24hr duties (which is staying at work work for 24hrs). When he had to stay on base for that long I would go and bring him blankets and pillows and even his Xbox, many times without him even asking. I'd tidy the house for him when he came home so he could just go to bed after his work was done for the day.Today I had duty as well, and when I asked if he could bring me blankets he told me to just ask if I could go myself because going home and coming back would be out of his way. And he's right, and while I don't do these things because I want him to "pay me back" I just feel like he doesn't care about me the same way he says.Even simple things like cleaning after our dogs and doing laundry is a hassle for me to ask help for. He's gotten to the point where he lies about doing something and when I find out I blow my top because it's so simple, like just take out the trash!What makes it worse is that I know he was engaged before me, and he used to do everything for his fiance. He bought her a phone, he let her drive his car, he'd go back to his parents house during the weekends to spend time with her when I have to practically beg him to spend time with me. I know it's silly to feel jealous about someone who's so far in the past but it's just starting to frustrate me. Because I know if she had asked him to do these things he would have.Everything I bring it up he just tells me I'm nagging him but its starting to make me extremely unhappy to he point where I just don't like going home after work. I'll just take a long route home or change into civies and walk around the town just so I don't go home to being disappointed that he didn't do anything I asked again. I don't know what to do, maybe I just wrote this to vent, but any advice would help.
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