Husband Longer Loves Me

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. During that time we had a daughter who is now 3 months old. We definitely struggled during the pregnancy. My husband couldn't find a job and he was very difficult to deal with. I was experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy and wasn't a gem myself. We had an extremely rough patch in November. He got a job and began to work 60 to 70 hours a week. He would be moody and angry when at home with me. When I'd try to talk to him about my pregnancy he would tell me to stop complaining and it wouldn't last forever. I retaliated feeling that I was dismissed and unimportant in his life anymore.

I acted poorly and shouted, yelled and screamed all kinds of inappropriate things. He did too. In November I asked if we could start marriage counseling. He initially agreed, but when I found a counselor and asked him a good time to go he told me he wasn't ready. I let it go, we were having a baby and I did want things to work out.

We had an extreme fight about 2 weeks ago complete with yelling, shoving, threats to call 911 on each other. My husbands cope in every disagreement has been to immediately say 'we should just separate'. No matter how big or small the matter. If I tell him a behavior is not good, he will just quit and become very moody. I thought we had made some good headway talking that evening calmly. The next day while we were both at work he texted to tell me he wanted to move out and that I was evil, mean, and the source of all the toxicity in the house. That I had been disrespectful and hadn't done things he'd asked. When I asked him what those things were that I had done he said I didn't clean my car when he asked, I didn't take out the bathroom trash as often as he asked. I had my car cleaned and detailed months ago. He was still angry it took me so long. No matter how much I apologize for the things I've said and done he keeps bringing them up even when he's said he's forgiven me.

He comes from a situation where his father abused his mother. He often when angry states he grew up 'just like how things are now' and that the only solution is to leave. He begged his mom to leave and she wouldn't. I've told him i feel he's projecting that relationship onto us, but he just says no he's not. He sometimes would just wake up angry and then snap at me. He would later apologize and say it was left over anger from his childhood. At this point, I'm tired of being his emotional punching bag. I'm tired of all of his life problems being taken out on me, and when I react to that I'm the 'horrible, evil' one. I know having a first baby is hard, but this is just too hard. We're in marriage counseling now, but he says he will only go for one month, and after that, he's saying he did all he could and moving out. This week he didn't want to read the material given to us, or try the communication strategies. I just feel like divorce is my only way. I wanted my marriage to work, but not like this.

Submitted May 08, 2019 at 03:47PM

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. During that time we had a daughter who is now 3 months old. We definitely struggled during the pregnancy. My husband couldn't find a job and he was very difficult to deal with. I was experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy and wasn't a gem myself. We had an extremely rough patch in November. He got a job and began to work 60 to 70 hours a week. He would be moody and angry when at home with me. When I'd try to talk to him about my pregnancy he would tell me to stop complaining and it wouldn't last forever. I retaliated feeling that I was dismissed and unimportant in his life anymore.I acted poorly and shouted, yelled and screamed all kinds of inappropriate things. He did too. In November I asked if we could start marriage counseling. He initially agreed, but when I found a counselor and asked him a good time to go he told me he wasn't ready. I let it go, we were having a baby and I did want things to work out.We had an extreme fight about 2 weeks ago complete with yelling, shoving, threats to call 911 on each other. My husbands cope in every disagreement has been to immediately say 'we should just separate'. No matter how big or small the matter. If I tell him a behavior is not good, he will just quit and become very moody. I thought we had made some good headway talking that evening calmly. The next day while we were both at work he texted to tell me he wanted to move out and that I was evil, mean, and the source of all the toxicity in the house. That I had been disrespectful and hadn't done things he'd asked. When I asked him what those things were that I had done he said I didn't clean my car when he asked, I didn't take out the bathroom trash as often as he asked. I had my car cleaned and detailed months ago. He was still angry it took me so long. No matter how much I apologize for the things I've said and done he keeps bringing them up even when he's said he's forgiven me.He comes from a situation where his father abused his mother. He often when angry states he grew up 'just like how things are now' and that the only solution is to leave. He begged his mom to leave and she wouldn't. I've told him i feel he's projecting that relationship onto us, but he just says no he's not. He sometimes would just wake up angry and then snap at me. He would later apologize and say it was left over anger from his childhood. At this point, I'm tired of being his emotional punching bag. I'm tired of all of his life problems being taken out on me, and when I react to that I'm the 'horrible, evil' one. I know having a first baby is hard, but this is just too hard. We're in marriage counseling now, but he says he will only go for one month, and after that, he's saying he did all he could and moving out. This week he didn't want to read the material given to us, or try the communication strategies. I just feel like divorce is my only way. I wanted my marriage to work, but not like this.