Cheated on while pregnant

When I’ve heard about others being cheated on, I always they were crazy for staying, but now I’m in that same situation.

After two years of trying for a child and one loss to ectopic pregnancy (where it’s in the tubes and not in the uterus), we finally got pregnant and we had a beautiful baby girl last December. Naturally, hormones were high and we were stressed out as new parents and fighting. The day after Christmas, he was sleeping next to me and I grabbed his phone to put away. Since my finger print is there as a password it unlocked by itself. I never went through his phone despite him always saying I could, but in hindsight he was just saying that to retain trust. When it unlocked I saw he had been messaging another women and telling her he loved her. I woke him up there and confronted him which he denied and said it meant nothing. He said it was simply platonic and they had never actually met in personal or got physical since she lived across the border.

I logged onto our phone company and there it showed that he had been calling her since May. We had found out I was pregnant in April. I was in shock. I had our newborn in our arms and there he lying to my face. He even tried to scare me into harming himself if I left him. I went through postpartum depression and in the next few days I couldn’t eat and I would just feel helpless and start crying. This made him upset.

After a couple days, I decided to forgive him because he was clearly remorseful and distraught. I told him we could be together if he didn’t reply anymore, which he agreed to. Since he was using WhatsApp to talk to her, I downloaded the app and everyday I would check to see if he had an account. Not seeing him there reassured me that everything would be okay.

Now towards end of February, again I had an urge to see his phone when he was sleeping. It had no lock this time and sure enough, there were message on the phone again. He had downloaded different text apps to talk to her and then would screen shot their last convo, delete the messages, and text her on another app with the screenshot to indicate where they had left off on convos. The messages revealed that they had been seeing each other in person now and had kissed. It showed that he had been buying her things and taking her lunch when I repeatedly told him that we didn’t have food at home or needed diapers for our baby. He kept asking for sex or saying things about making love. When I confronted him again, he denied every kissing her, but eventually would fess up.

I told his mom because his dad did the same thing to her 5 years ago. She had her talk to me and he said he did it because i wasn’t a good wife at keeping things tidy, doing his laundry or showing affection, but i call bull because if he needed that why didn’t he tell me to wash some socks? And i know that cheating is not about your partner but about some things you are going through. He agreed to go to couples counseling if I stayed. I feel they convinced him to stay for the baby because after I had him call her to break things off, he was sad for a couple days.

It’s been two months now since I’ve found out that he continued seeing and talking to her. I changed his phone number and secretly have his missed calls forward to me so i see who is calling. Despite it being over, we still fight everyday about it and I’m not sure if I can stay together for the sake of our baby. Every time I tell him we should go to couples counseling or for him to get therapy, he tells me to mind my own problems. I’m giving him the ultimatum that if we don’t do couples counseling then we can continue together.

Submitted May 08, 2019 at 08:07PM

When I’ve heard about others being cheated on, I always they were crazy for staying, but now I’m in that same situation.After two years of trying for a child and one loss to ectopic pregnancy (where it’s in the tubes and not in the uterus), we finally got pregnant and we had a beautiful baby girl last December. Naturally, hormones were high and we were stressed out as new parents and fighting. The day after Christmas, he was sleeping next to me and I grabbed his phone to put away. Since my finger print is there as a password it unlocked by itself. I never went through his phone despite him always saying I could, but in hindsight he was just saying that to retain trust. When it unlocked I saw he had been messaging another women and telling her he loved her. I woke him up there and confronted him which he denied and said it meant nothing. He said it was simply platonic and they had never actually met in personal or got physical since she lived across the border.I logged onto our phone company and there it showed that he had been calling her since May. We had found out I was pregnant in April. I was in shock. I had our newborn in our arms and there he lying to my face. He even tried to scare me into harming himself if I left him. I went through postpartum depression and in the next few days I couldn’t eat and I would just feel helpless and start crying. This made him upset.After a couple days, I decided to forgive him because he was clearly remorseful and distraught. I told him we could be together if he didn’t reply anymore, which he agreed to. Since he was using WhatsApp to talk to her, I downloaded the app and everyday I would check to see if he had an account. Not seeing him there reassured me that everything would be okay.Now towards end of February, again I had an urge to see his phone when he was sleeping. It had no lock this time and sure enough, there were message on the phone again. He had downloaded different text apps to talk to her and then would screen shot their last convo, delete the messages, and text her on another app with the screenshot to indicate where they had left off on convos. The messages revealed that they had been seeing each other in person now and had kissed. It showed that he had been buying her things and taking her lunch when I repeatedly told him that we didn’t have food at home or needed diapers for our baby. He kept asking for sex or saying things about making love. When I confronted him again, he denied every kissing her, but eventually would fess up.I told his mom because his dad did the same thing to her 5 years ago. She had her talk to me and he said he did it because i wasn’t a good wife at keeping things tidy, doing his laundry or showing affection, but i call bull because if he needed that why didn’t he tell me to wash some socks? And i know that cheating is not about your partner but about some things you are going through. He agreed to go to couples counseling if I stayed. I feel they convinced him to stay for the baby because after I had him call her to break things off, he was sad for a couple days.It’s been two months now since I’ve found out that he continued seeing and talking to her. I changed his phone number and secretly have his missed calls forward to me so i see who is calling. Despite it being over, we still fight everyday about it and I’m not sure if I can stay together for the sake of our baby. Every time I tell him we should go to couples counseling or for him to get therapy, he tells me to mind my own problems. I’m giving him the ultimatum that if we don’t do couples counseling then we can continue together.