39F single, no children. How do you handle annoying questions about long-term single-hood and kids?

I've been getting this a lot lately. I meet a guy on OLD and in the first phone call or first date they ask me questions such as: "How come you've been single for so long?" or "How come you never had kids until now?" or if I mention that I'm not desperate for just any relationship, that I'm perfectly comfortable being single while working on finding a compatible partner, that "they're concerned I'm too much used to living on my own and might not be willing to make concessions." (excuse me??) And even though I know I don't have to explain myself to anyone, I can't help but feel that for a single woman over 35 it's really hard out there...

I couldn't possibly explain to the average dimwit on day 1 that I'm a super late bloomer, that thanks to therapy at 32 I embarked on a much-needed journey of self-realization and maturity, that I was a timid insecure person until I broke off my engagement to a childish, emotionally unavailable man at 33, and that I put myself first for the first time in my life, and enjoyed it. That when I was 38 I fell in love with someone so deeply and he turned out to be a covert abuser who lied and cheated, and it took me almost a year to recover from it.

What would be a good respectable way to respond to questions that on one hand, might sort of make sense for someone trying to gauge if I'm looking for something serious, but on the other hand, that come out condescending and just blatantly rude? Also, it doesn't help to live in a country that's obsessed with marriage and babies...

TL:DR I'm looking for a good way to respond to men who question my "validity" as a potential long-term partner because I've been single for several years and don't have any kids.



Submitted May 08, 2019 at 02:34PM

I've been getting this a lot lately. I meet a guy on OLD and in the first phone call or first date they ask me questions such as: "How come you've been single for so long?" or "How come you never had kids until now?" or if I mention that I'm not desperate for just any relationship, that I'm perfectly comfortable being single while working on finding a compatible partner, that "they're concerned I'm too much used to living on my own and might not be willing to make concessions." (excuse me??) And even though I know I don't have to explain myself to anyone, I can't help but feel that for a single woman over 35 it's really hard out there...I couldn't possibly explain to the average dimwit on day 1 that I'm a super late bloomer, that thanks to therapy at 32 I embarked on a much-needed journey of self-realization and maturity, that I was a timid insecure person until I broke off my engagement to a childish, emotionally unavailable man at 33, and that I put myself first for the first time in my life, and enjoyed it. That when I was 38 I fell in love with someone so deeply and he turned out to be a covert abuser who lied and cheated, and it took me almost a year to recover from it.What would be a good respectable way to respond to questions that on one hand, might sort of make sense for someone trying to gauge if I'm looking for something serious, but on the other hand, that come out condescending and just blatantly rude? Also, it doesn't help to live in a country that's obsessed with marriage and babies...TL:DR I'm looking for a good way to respond to men who question my "validity" as a potential long-term partner because I've been single for several years and don't have any kids.
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