What in the heck...

I (36f) don’t even know what I’m looking for here. Venting? Understanding? Rationalization?

I was dating someone for 6 months (we had been friends for years) He was staying with me all the time, our lives were blending. We hadn’t used ILY but that was ok, I wasn’t in a rush and was just happy to have his company. Something changed in him over night, he was no longer the person I fell for and he refused to talk about it whatever was going on. Like major red flags, screaming at me, calling me out of the blue and demanding to know who I talk to (ummm no one). Ultimately, I ended it.

I started dating again and had one date last night. We went to a local bar and played darts. Nice guy and was enjoying myself. We kissed at the end of the night and he started some heavy petting. I told him repeatedly that I was ending the date and going home and he should cool down. He kept pushing and saying “just touch it (his dick)” “touch it once and I’ll let you leave”. I stood my ground, pushed him away, told him no several time and said I was leaving. He texted me today and wanted to know if last night “turned me on” I told him no, that I think we took it too far. He was upset and said that by saying that, I made him feel like shit.

I just feel defeated. I know what I want, I know what I deserve and need, yet it feels like I’m alone at this place and point in my life. I guess I assumed that by this age, we’d be past the bs crap. I am just ready to find my person. Where is the sincerity and integrity!? What am I missing here? Do I have to go over my age to find someone!?

I just booked myself a solo vacation across the country to try and just get away, get the heck outta dodge and find myself again. Maybe that’s where I need to start.



Submitted April 19, 2019 at 11:22PM

I (36f) don’t even know what I’m looking for here. Venting? Understanding? Rationalization?I was dating someone for 6 months (we had been friends for years) He was staying with me all the time, our lives were blending. We hadn’t used ILY but that was ok, I wasn’t in a rush and was just happy to have his company. Something changed in him over night, he was no longer the person I fell for and he refused to talk about it whatever was going on. Like major red flags, screaming at me, calling me out of the blue and demanding to know who I talk to (ummm no one). Ultimately, I ended it.I started dating again and had one date last night. We went to a local bar and played darts. Nice guy and was enjoying myself. We kissed at the end of the night and he started some heavy petting. I told him repeatedly that I was ending the date and going home and he should cool down. He kept pushing and saying “just touch it (his dick)” “touch it once and I’ll let you leave”. I stood my ground, pushed him away, told him no several time and said I was leaving. He texted me today and wanted to know if last night “turned me on” I told him no, that I think we took it too far. He was upset and said that by saying that, I made him feel like shit.I just feel defeated. I know what I want, I know what I deserve and need, yet it feels like I’m alone at this place and point in my life. I guess I assumed that by this age, we’d be past the bs crap. I am just ready to find my person. Where is the sincerity and integrity!? What am I missing here? Do I have to go over my age to find someone!?I just booked myself a solo vacation across the country to try and just get away, get the heck outta dodge and find myself again. Maybe that’s where I need to start.
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