I'm (18 f) a mess after my toxic two year friendship with a girl (18 f) I think I have feelings for has ended.

I guess I'm hurt. I don't want to admit it, but I am. Even though I never acknowledged it, I always knew I did more and was willing to do more for her than she did for me. Phone calls and visits in the middle of night when she's drunk or upset have been a common occurrence. I always answered. I was always there and I never expected anything like that in return. But she couldn't offer even me a decent apology for stealing money from me and making a joke out of it. She tried to make me believe I was overreacting. Five days of fucking silence after she knew I was upset and all I got was a forced, half-assed apology after I flipped out. Whenever I upset her or felt like I was too harsh, I made sure to apologize and make it right. I'm horrible with emotions and apologies, but I still did it for her. Now we don't even look at each other and she seems fine. But, I can't eat, sleep, or think straight. I even feel somewhat guilty, even though I know I shouldn't be. Her life's a living hell and I can't imagine what she feels like dealing with it all. But I don't think that's a ticket to walk all over me. She's self-destructive and reckless. I knew she never valued other people, yet I still stuck around. She shit on so many people. Sleeping with her best friend's ex-boyfriend, cheating on countless people, stealing from friends and her employers, the drinking, and now the drugs. "She doesn't see you as replaceable and a tool like the others" I told myself. I was so wrong. I think I loved her in some sick way. Never thought I'd ever admit it to myself. I sure as hell won't say it aloud. Maybe that's why the end of us hurts so much. I can't wait to be rid of it all. I've just got to wait it out a little longer, but it feels like a lifetime. Fuck my life. I'm sorry if this feels like rambling or a mess. I guess that's how I feel at the moment. Is cutting her off the right thing to do? If I reach out to her am I just delaying the inevitable misery I'm currently going through?

TL;DR My friendship with a friend of mine has ended after she stole money from me and acted like it was nothing. We're currently not taking and I feel lost.



Submitted April 20, 2019 at 06:07AM

I guess I'm hurt. I don't want to admit it, but I am. Even though I never acknowledged it, I always knew I did more and was willing to do more for her than she did for me. Phone calls and visits in the middle of night when she's drunk or upset have been a common occurrence. I always answered. I was always there and I never expected anything like that in return. But she couldn't offer even me a decent apology for stealing money from me and making a joke out of it. She tried to make me believe I was overreacting. Five days of fucking silence after she knew I was upset and all I got was a forced, half-assed apology after I flipped out. Whenever I upset her or felt like I was too harsh, I made sure to apologize and make it right. I'm horrible with emotions and apologies, but I still did it for her. Now we don't even look at each other and she seems fine. But, I can't eat, sleep, or think straight. I even feel somewhat guilty, even though I know I shouldn't be. Her life's a living hell and I can't imagine what she feels like dealing with it all. But I don't think that's a ticket to walk all over me. She's self-destructive and reckless. I knew she never valued other people, yet I still stuck around. She shit on so many people. Sleeping with her best friend's ex-boyfriend, cheating on countless people, stealing from friends and her employers, the drinking, and now the drugs. "She doesn't see you as replaceable and a tool like the others" I told myself. I was so wrong. I think I loved her in some sick way. Never thought I'd ever admit it to myself. I sure as hell won't say it aloud. Maybe that's why the end of us hurts so much. I can't wait to be rid of it all. I've just got to wait it out a little longer, but it feels like a lifetime. Fuck my life. I'm sorry if this feels like rambling or a mess. I guess that's how I feel at the moment. Is cutting her off the right thing to do? If I reach out to her am I just delaying the inevitable misery I'm currently going through?TL;DR My friendship with a friend of mine has ended after she stole money from me and acted like it was nothing. We're currently not taking and I feel lost.
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