Bf [22M] enjoys going out and drinking frequently and I do not [21F]. This is a reoccurring issue and I'm nervous it will just keep growing and could potentially end our relationship

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting so please cut me some slack if it's not the best quality😅

So my boyfriend [22M] and I [21F] are going on about 6 months of dating, we're both seniors in college and we've talked about the future extensively... we've both expressed that this relationship is special and different than any other ones we've been in, so I'd say we're pretty serious!

Recently, though, I've been like obsessing over the fact that he loves to go out and drink and, I get it, we're in college, but it's like when I do go with I usually don't have a good time (because it's always with his friends at what I consider "boring" bars) but when I stay back and do my own thing I so left out. This has been going on since we started dating and back then I'd just force myself to go and try to convince myself that I will have fun, but that just got exhausting.

Sidenote: a litte about me, I workout very frequently and try to refrian from drinking because it's just not good for our bodies, and can be especially detrimental when you're trying to work towards a certain physic!! Additionally, I am Asain so I lack a certain enzyme which disables me from being able to process alcohol like most people (aka "Asian glow"). So yeah, when I drink I get very hot and red in the face and my heart beats very fast. I also break out in hives sometimes soooo yeah, all in all drinking is not the most fun for me!! (don't get me wrong I do love to go out and have a good time but I don't see the point in doing 3-4 a week) Additionally, I am very type A and I have been struggling with depression and anxiety. My bf has been super supportive and understanding when it comes to mental health issues but I can't help but let it get the best of me sometimes.

So back to the situation, I choose to go out when I'm feeling it but have tried to just focus on me and try to do things that make me happy and not left out while he's out. This has been alright, it's just hard to "do things" from 10pm-3am? I've recently started driving Uber/Lyft and changing my workout schedule to late at night. I was hoping that these two things would make me happy (making some extra cash and having the gym to myself) but I just can't shake the thought that I'm still not "happy" and since he doesn't really invite me out anymore I just feel like shut out of that part of his life. The anxious person in me is freaking out that this can only just push us apart more. Maybe he'll start enjoying the lack of my presence more and more and realize he'd rather be with someone that fits better with his lifestyle???

And yes, we have talked about this multiple times. It usually just starts a fight and he says he's not going to stop going out to hang out with his friends (which is not what I dislike!!!! I love that he gets to see his buddies and have fun) and I'm just stuck exactly where I started. Also, YES I KNOW I've been told "just go to bed" but it's like we live seperately, basically a block away, and so if I do stay home I just know there's a chance I won't see him for awhile. We both naturally stay up late late so why should I go to bed when I'm not tired and I know that I won't see him that night and possibly all day the next day?

UGH OKAY, I'm sorry for the word vomit!! In a nutshell, I guess I'm just asking, have any of you experienced "fomo" (fear of missing out) and being insecure about your relationship because your differing lifestyles? I feel like I can't fully explain myself so I'll answer any questions that can help more accurately convey the situation.

TL;DR My bf goes out way more than I would like to and we have fought about this numerous times. I want him to have fun but I can't help but feel super left out, nervous, and falling into cognitive distortions like jumping to conclusions and convincing myself that he doesn't care about me. Is this just me? How do I get over this?

/r/Anxiety /r/Relationship_Advice

Submitted April 20, 2019 at 06:14AM

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting so please cut me some slack if it's not the best quality😅So my boyfriend [22M] and I [21F] are going on about 6 months of dating, we're both seniors in college and we've talked about the future extensively... we've both expressed that this relationship is special and different than any other ones we've been in, so I'd say we're pretty serious!Recently, though, I've been like obsessing over the fact that he loves to go out and drink and, I get it, we're in college, but it's like when I do go with I usually don't have a good time (because it's always with his friends at what I consider "boring" bars) but when I stay back and do my own thing I so left out. This has been going on since we started dating and back then I'd just force myself to go and try to convince myself that I will have fun, but that just got exhausting.Sidenote: a litte about me, I workout very frequently and try to refrian from drinking because it's just not good for our bodies, and can be especially detrimental when you're trying to work towards a certain physic!! Additionally, I am Asain so I lack a certain enzyme which disables me from being able to process alcohol like most people (aka "Asian glow"). So yeah, when I drink I get very hot and red in the face and my heart beats very fast. I also break out in hives sometimes soooo yeah, all in all drinking is not the most fun for me!! (don't get me wrong I do love to go out and have a good time but I don't see the point in doing 3-4 a week) Additionally, I am very type A and I have been struggling with depression and anxiety. My bf has been super supportive and understanding when it comes to mental health issues but I can't help but let it get the best of me sometimes.So back to the situation, I choose to go out when I'm feeling it but have tried to just focus on me and try to do things that make me happy and not left out while he's out. This has been alright, it's just hard to "do things" from 10pm-3am? I've recently started driving Uber/Lyft and changing my workout schedule to late at night. I was hoping that these two things would make me happy (making some extra cash and having the gym to myself) but I just can't shake the thought that I'm still not "happy" and since he doesn't really invite me out anymore I just feel like shut out of that part of his life. The anxious person in me is freaking out that this can only just push us apart more. Maybe he'll start enjoying the lack of my presence more and more and realize he'd rather be with someone that fits better with his lifestyle???And yes, we have talked about this multiple times. It usually just starts a fight and he says he's not going to stop going out to hang out with his friends (which is not what I dislike!!!! I love that he gets to see his buddies and have fun) and I'm just stuck exactly where I started. Also, YES I KNOW I've been told "just go to bed" but it's like we live seperately, basically a block away, and so if I do stay home I just know there's a chance I won't see him for awhile. We both naturally stay up late late so why should I go to bed when I'm not tired and I know that I won't see him that night and possibly all day the next day?UGH OKAY, I'm sorry for the word vomit!! In a nutshell, I guess I'm just asking, have any of you experienced "fomo" (fear of missing out) and being insecure about your relationship because your differing lifestyles? I feel like I can't fully explain myself so I'll answer any questions that can help more accurately convey the situation.TL;DR My bf goes out way more than I would like to and we have fought about this numerous times. I want him to have fun but I can't help but feel super left out, nervous, and falling into cognitive distortions like jumping to conclusions and convincing myself that he doesn't care about me. Is this just me? How do I get over this?/r/Anxiety /r/Relationship_Advice