Am I [F24] being an asshole to a long term [2 years +] fuck buddy [M26]?

I’ve had this friends with benefits (strong emphasis on the benefits) relationship with this guy (FB) for over two years now. We met at university but since we graduated at different times and now live in different countries, our relationship is largely maintained on text. In fact, we’ve only actually hooked up less than five times. There’s long long periods of waiting between the actual sex, and we keep the flame going by intermittent texting.

I love the fact that the both of us have a no strings attached deal that I get to take space from whenever I want. We both make excellent use of it and frequently have spells we don’t talk at all, and throughout this, we’ve most definitely been pursuing other people.

Even when we do talk or focus attention on each other, we share common interests and have conversations about other things, but it inevitably boils down to the sex real fast.

So after having not seen each other for nearly a year, I have travel plans this summer where I’ll be stopping by the city he is in (City) for around five days. I also have good friends that live and work in City so the plan is basically to split my time between him and them. I was going to head to FB’s place directly on day 1, spend day 2 and 3 with my friends, and come back for days 4 and 5 with FB.

To be perfectly honest, he is a huge part of why I’ve decided to take the trip to City. It’s rather out of my way, but he’s been pretty convincing. That being said, I found out a few days ago that another friend that I haven’t seen in a long long time (GF) is going to be around in City and free. So I texted FB saying I was shifting our plans around to only spend days 4 and 5 with him, spending day 1 with GF instead.

He got pissed off. Kept saying I should at least spend an hour with him on day 1 before I head to GF’s. To be honest, I don’t want to. GF and I have big plans, and I know stopping by FB’s will delay my evening with her. Told him as such.

Dude’s now refusing to text me back. Said it was a deliberate injury to his ego that I did not want to stop by his first as soon as I got to City.

Granted I might have taken it a bit far by teasing him and saying he needed to convince me to spend that first hour with him, but dude’s just straight up Houdini-ed on my ass.

To provide some context, he doesn’t really have to make any specific arrangements to accommodate my visit - no time off work, no roommates to inform, etc. At most he’d have to maybe line up plans for day 1 but the trip is nearly two months from now. I’ve given him plenty of notice.

I have gone from being amused at first, to annoyed at the continued silence, to now guilty. I was in this one abusive relationship that did a number on me, and consequently I get in my head about behaviour that potentially offends somebody.

Am I being an asshole to him?

TLDR: fuck buddy is mad that I’ve docked a day from our sexcation to happen months from now; refuses to talk to me; OP is feeling guilty for it.

Submitted April 20, 2019 at 06:26AM

I’ve had this friends with benefits (strong emphasis on the benefits) relationship with this guy (FB) for over two years now. We met at university but since we graduated at different times and now live in different countries, our relationship is largely maintained on text. In fact, we’ve only actually hooked up less than five times. There’s long long periods of waiting between the actual sex, and we keep the flame going by intermittent texting.I love the fact that the both of us have a no strings attached deal that I get to take space from whenever I want. We both make excellent use of it and frequently have spells we don’t talk at all, and throughout this, we’ve most definitely been pursuing other people.Even when we do talk or focus attention on each other, we share common interests and have conversations about other things, but it inevitably boils down to the sex real fast.So after having not seen each other for nearly a year, I have travel plans this summer where I’ll be stopping by the city he is in (City) for around five days. I also have good friends that live and work in City so the plan is basically to split my time between him and them. I was going to head to FB’s place directly on day 1, spend day 2 and 3 with my friends, and come back for days 4 and 5 with FB.To be perfectly honest, he is a huge part of why I’ve decided to take the trip to City. It’s rather out of my way, but he’s been pretty convincing. That being said, I found out a few days ago that another friend that I haven’t seen in a long long time (GF) is going to be around in City and free. So I texted FB saying I was shifting our plans around to only spend days 4 and 5 with him, spending day 1 with GF instead.He got pissed off. Kept saying I should at least spend an hour with him on day 1 before I head to GF’s. To be honest, I don’t want to. GF and I have big plans, and I know stopping by FB’s will delay my evening with her. Told him as such.Dude’s now refusing to text me back. Said it was a deliberate injury to his ego that I did not want to stop by his first as soon as I got to City.Granted I might have taken it a bit far by teasing him and saying he needed to convince me to spend that first hour with him, but dude’s just straight up Houdini-ed on my ass.To provide some context, he doesn’t really have to make any specific arrangements to accommodate my visit - no time off work, no roommates to inform, etc. At most he’d have to maybe line up plans for day 1 but the trip is nearly two months from now. I’ve given him plenty of notice.I have gone from being amused at first, to annoyed at the continued silence, to now guilty. I was in this one abusive relationship that did a number on me, and consequently I get in my head about behaviour that potentially offends somebody.Am I being an asshole to him?TLDR: fuck buddy is mad that I’ve docked a day from our sexcation to happen months from now; refuses to talk to me; OP is feeling guilty for it.