My (20F) boyfriend (22M) doesn’t want to move forward in our relationship

So, me and my SO have been together for a little over 2 years. Are relationship is great and he’s genuinely the best guy I’ve been with, because of that I want to take a step forward in our relationship.

Right now I’m working and doing school and he’s finishing school. I’ve made it clear to him I want a future with him, a family, a house, and a kid before I’m 30. His responses to all this have been vague agreements. He says he would like a future with me as well but whenever I press him about when we could move in together, he puts it off.

I know I shouldn’t push things, but I want to know where my future is heading.

So tonight we had some deep talks about it. He agreed he loves me and wants to start a life together, and that he’s willing to get an apartment together.

The problem is I don’t WANT an apartment. I want us to get a house together. He has enough money saved up to where we could buy one and I’m working so I can pitch in as well. Apartments are a waste of money if we’re going to start a life together, why not just get the house?

He completely changed tone. He’s stingy with anything involving money, but this was different, he was talking to me like I was an idiot.

He goes off saying that’s ridiculous. Talking to me like a child and stressing that there’s more to buying a house than just “buying a house”, as if I’m not aware of that. I understand his point of view, but I really think it’s just that he’s unwilling to commit his money to both of us.

I know, that sounds as if I’m being a gold digger but it’s not about money. He really is stingy. He has more money in his bank account then anyone I know, but if we go out and eat at a restaurant for more than 10 dollars he stresses and acts like he’s going to run out of money.

It’s so bad he’s held himself back in life out of fear of spending money. He drives a clunker of a car that is in constant need of maintenance because he doesn’t want to spend money on a new one. I’m also in an honor society at our college that’s really hard to get into, you actually have to be selected based on grades and merit, he got an offer to be in it and we were both elated about it. Then he saw the 30 dollar fee to join and threw the letter away! Other students would have killed for that letter!

But here’s the kicker. When Red Dead Redemption 2 came out he was quick to spend 60 dollars on a VIDEO GAME with no remorse. I really think he’s just unwilling to invest money into bettering himself.

Part of this is coming off as a vent. But I want to know what I should do? I want to start a life with him, I really do love him and i know he loves me but I don’t know how to take he fact that he won’t be direct about marriage, kids, or moving in together.

Tl;dr: I want to start a life, my SO doesn’t and I think his financial attitude is driving a wedge between us.



Submitted April 20, 2019 at 06:10AM

So, me and my SO have been together for a little over 2 years. Are relationship is great and he’s genuinely the best guy I’ve been with, because of that I want to take a step forward in our relationship.Right now I’m working and doing school and he’s finishing school. I’ve made it clear to him I want a future with him, a family, a house, and a kid before I’m 30. His responses to all this have been vague agreements. He says he would like a future with me as well but whenever I press him about when we could move in together, he puts it off.I know I shouldn’t push things, but I want to know where my future is heading.So tonight we had some deep talks about it. He agreed he loves me and wants to start a life together, and that he’s willing to get an apartment together.The problem is I don’t WANT an apartment. I want us to get a house together. He has enough money saved up to where we could buy one and I’m working so I can pitch in as well. Apartments are a waste of money if we’re going to start a life together, why not just get the house?He completely changed tone. He’s stingy with anything involving money, but this was different, he was talking to me like I was an idiot.He goes off saying that’s ridiculous. Talking to me like a child and stressing that there’s more to buying a house than just “buying a house”, as if I’m not aware of that. I understand his point of view, but I really think it’s just that he’s unwilling to commit his money to both of us.I know, that sounds as if I’m being a gold digger but it’s not about money. He really is stingy. He has more money in his bank account then anyone I know, but if we go out and eat at a restaurant for more than 10 dollars he stresses and acts like he’s going to run out of money.It’s so bad he’s held himself back in life out of fear of spending money. He drives a clunker of a car that is in constant need of maintenance because he doesn’t want to spend money on a new one. I’m also in an honor society at our college that’s really hard to get into, you actually have to be selected based on grades and merit, he got an offer to be in it and we were both elated about it. Then he saw the 30 dollar fee to join and threw the letter away! Other students would have killed for that letter!But here’s the kicker. When Red Dead Redemption 2 came out he was quick to spend 60 dollars on a VIDEO GAME with no remorse. I really think he’s just unwilling to invest money into bettering himself.Part of this is coming off as a vent. But I want to know what I should do? I want to start a life with him, I really do love him and i know he loves me but I don’t know how to take he fact that he won’t be direct about marriage, kids, or moving in together.Tl;dr: I want to start a life, my SO doesn’t and I think his financial attitude is driving a wedge between us.
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