I (29F) am feeling ashamed for what kept happening in the bedroom with bf (30M).

Using a throw away because I’m not sure if he has a reddit.

I (28f) have been dating this guy (29m) for about 4 months and we kind of just broke up. He ghosted me for a week and then randomly says hi like nothing happened but I’m done.

As I’m trying to move on, I’m remembering things that have happened that are making me feel gross for not putting a stop to it. The very first time we first started fooling around about a month in (I like to take things slow), he put his hands around my neck with light pressure and I immediately said not to do that, that it scared me. I had never done that before. He said all the girls he’s been with liked it. I said I realized it’s an incredibly common kink, but it sort of triggered a fight or flight response in me and I felt like I was being attacked. He stopped then.

I had a talk with him while we weren’t in the midst of sex and I explained I wasn’t ready for choking and he just said okay and that he hoped I would like it one day. He then said he wanted to try just putting his hands on my neck when I wasn’t expecting it and seeing how I’d react. I don’t remember what I said to that but I was not ready to try that and felt I needed to absolutely trust that person before that would happen.

Fast forward to mutliple sex sessions later and he kept trying to choke me and other things I wasnt comfortable with like putting a finger in my butt. I said not to do that I, wasn’t ready to do that just yet but his hands kept wandering there the next time we had sex. He would always stop after I said so or pushed his hand away, but my wishes were not remembered the next time.

I just feel kind of gross and stupid. I kept justifying it saying to myself that maybe he just didn’t remember. Every time he did something like that it just looked like he couldn’t control himself. I wasn’t prepared for that. He’s only the second guy I’ve been with and my first was always very attentive to me and never did anything like that.

I just wanted to vent a little and get some outside advice on how to move forward.

Tl:dr now ex bf and I had issues with consent. Feeling ashamed for putting up with it.

Submitted April 20, 2019 at 05:52AM

Using a throw away because I’m not sure if he has a reddit.I (28f) have been dating this guy (29m) for about 4 months and we kind of just broke up. He ghosted me for a week and then randomly says hi like nothing happened but I’m done.As I’m trying to move on, I’m remembering things that have happened that are making me feel gross for not putting a stop to it. The very first time we first started fooling around about a month in (I like to take things slow), he put his hands around my neck with light pressure and I immediately said not to do that, that it scared me. I had never done that before. He said all the girls he’s been with liked it. I said I realized it’s an incredibly common kink, but it sort of triggered a fight or flight response in me and I felt like I was being attacked. He stopped then.I had a talk with him while we weren’t in the midst of sex and I explained I wasn’t ready for choking and he just said okay and that he hoped I would like it one day. He then said he wanted to try just putting his hands on my neck when I wasn’t expecting it and seeing how I’d react. I don’t remember what I said to that but I was not ready to try that and felt I needed to absolutely trust that person before that would happen.Fast forward to mutliple sex sessions later and he kept trying to choke me and other things I wasnt comfortable with like putting a finger in my butt. I said not to do that I, wasn’t ready to do that just yet but his hands kept wandering there the next time we had sex. He would always stop after I said so or pushed his hand away, but my wishes were not remembered the next time.I just feel kind of gross and stupid. I kept justifying it saying to myself that maybe he just didn’t remember. Every time he did something like that it just looked like he couldn’t control himself. I wasn’t prepared for that. He’s only the second guy I’ve been with and my first was always very attentive to me and never did anything like that.I just wanted to vent a little and get some outside advice on how to move forward.Tl:dr now ex bf and I had issues with consent. Feeling ashamed for putting up with it.