My wife (36f) complains and condescends over trivial things and I (27m) don't feel appreciated

My wife and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2, and have a one-year-old. Our relationship overall has been healthy.

Since we got married, however, I've noticed she's become quicker to get upset with me over things I mostly consider trivial. For example, not squeezing the toothpaste from the top down, forgetting to bug spray the house, and so on.

In her defense, she will ask me to do or not do simple things and sometimes I will forget. What upsets her isn't the thing itself but the fact that she has to remind me multiple times, which results in her complaining that I don't listen.

That being said, we do have a busy life being working parents and sometimes things just fall through the cracks. While we share parenting duties equally, I handle the majority (~75%) of the housework. After we put our toddler to sleep, I'm the one washing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen and playroom, taking out the trash, etc. I'm happy to do it, but when she complains about the little things, it makes me feel like she doesn't appreciate all of the other things I do. It's not that I don't listen; it's just hard to manage everything sometimes.

Recently, her complaining has been getting more frequent, even to the point of her speaking in a harsh or condescending tone. For example, when I noticed she had a pan on the stove, I asked interestedly, "Oh, are you making dinner?" Her response was a condescending, "What does it look like I'm doing? You can see I have the pan out. Why do you even ask?" It seems that even the smallest of things upset her now and it's causing a great deal of distance between us. Oftentimes, she will turn cold and silent, lasting for hours at a time.

I absolutely appreciate that it can be frustrating to repeat oneself over and over about simple things, but I truly am trying my best. She doesn't seem to see that and my requests for her to consider the way she talks to me have gone unanswered. I'm losing my patience and feel like I'm not receiving the appreciation I deserve.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?



Submitted April 20, 2019 at 06:51AM

My wife and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2, and have a one-year-old. Our relationship overall has been healthy.Since we got married, however, I've noticed she's become quicker to get upset with me over things I mostly consider trivial. For example, not squeezing the toothpaste from the top down, forgetting to bug spray the house, and so on.In her defense, she will ask me to do or not do simple things and sometimes I will forget. What upsets her isn't the thing itself but the fact that she has to remind me multiple times, which results in her complaining that I don't listen.That being said, we do have a busy life being working parents and sometimes things just fall through the cracks. While we share parenting duties equally, I handle the majority (~75%) of the housework. After we put our toddler to sleep, I'm the one washing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen and playroom, taking out the trash, etc. I'm happy to do it, but when she complains about the little things, it makes me feel like she doesn't appreciate all of the other things I do. It's not that I don't listen; it's just hard to manage everything sometimes.Recently, her complaining has been getting more frequent, even to the point of her speaking in a harsh or condescending tone. For example, when I noticed she had a pan on the stove, I asked interestedly, "Oh, are you making dinner?" Her response was a condescending, "What does it look like I'm doing? You can see I have the pan out. Why do you even ask?" It seems that even the smallest of things upset her now and it's causing a great deal of distance between us. Oftentimes, she will turn cold and silent, lasting for hours at a time.I absolutely appreciate that it can be frustrating to repeat oneself over and over about simple things, but I truly am trying my best. She doesn't seem to see that and my requests for her to consider the way she talks to me have gone unanswered. I'm losing my patience and feel like I'm not receiving the appreciation I deserve.Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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