Was my (24F) long term boyfriend (29M) seriously proposing? Am I wrong for moving away?

I (24F) am about a week away from moving away from my boyfriend (29M) who I have had my longest relationship yet and previously lived with. I have a lot of mixed emotions.

There were 3 points in our relationship where I actually wanted and could envision marrying him and having children with him. We were on the same page for the important things for the future. However, my feelings came and left because of the trust issues, so I decided to accept a job offer this spring where I will be moving abroad. When we got together again this last fall before the job offer, he drunkingly asked me on two occasions to marry him. I said no both times because he was drunk. He asked a third time soberly, but without a ring and knowing about me taking the job. I hope that I am not sounding like a gold digger here, but I really couldn't take him seriously and felt hurt. He had the whole relationship to ask, and I would have said yes at earlier points and not be moving right now. I said no for the last time, but I am having many "what if" thoughts...

Am I wrong for not taking him seriously?

Also, we agreed not to do long distance. He flat out told me that he couldn't have sexual fidelity, and I am not open to an open relationship. Although I am leaving, we have stayed/are still together. I have told him that I don't understand why he has insisted on it because we live in a metropolitan area with a lot of singles. He said why would he look for someone else if I was still here? I love him and haven't moved on yet, and I feel like I am a selfish asshole for agreeing to it. He has already brought up being friends once I move, and I want to, but I am still in love with him and want time to get over him.

Am I wrong for not wanting to be friends with him right away?

TLDR: My boyfriend proposed after learning I was taking a job abroad. I said no, but I would have said yes earlier in the relationship, am I wrong?



Submitted April 27, 2019 at 06:29AM

I (24F) am about a week away from moving away from my boyfriend (29M) who I have had my longest relationship yet and previously lived with. I have a lot of mixed emotions.There were 3 points in our relationship where I actually wanted and could envision marrying him and having children with him. We were on the same page for the important things for the future. However, my feelings came and left because of the trust issues, so I decided to accept a job offer this spring where I will be moving abroad. When we got together again this last fall before the job offer, he drunkingly asked me on two occasions to marry him. I said no both times because he was drunk. He asked a third time soberly, but without a ring and knowing about me taking the job. I hope that I am not sounding like a gold digger here, but I really couldn't take him seriously and felt hurt. He had the whole relationship to ask, and I would have said yes at earlier points and not be moving right now. I said no for the last time, but I am having many "what if" thoughts...Am I wrong for not taking him seriously?Also, we agreed not to do long distance. He flat out told me that he couldn't have sexual fidelity, and I am not open to an open relationship. Although I am leaving, we have stayed/are still together. I have told him that I don't understand why he has insisted on it because we live in a metropolitan area with a lot of singles. He said why would he look for someone else if I was still here? I love him and haven't moved on yet, and I feel like I am a selfish asshole for agreeing to it. He has already brought up being friends once I move, and I want to, but I am still in love with him and want time to get over him.Am I wrong for not wanting to be friends with him right away?TLDR: My boyfriend proposed after learning I was taking a job abroad. I said no, but I would have said yes earlier in the relationship, am I wrong?
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