Was my (24F) long term boyfriend (29M) seriously proposing? Am I wrong for moving away?

I (24F) am about a week away from moving away from my boyfriend (29M) who I have had my longest relationship yet and previously lived with. I have a lot of mixed emotions.

There were 3 points in our relationship where I actually wanted and could envision marrying him and having children with him. We were on the same page for the important things for the future. However, my feelings came and left because of the trust issues, so I decided to accept a job offer this spring where I will be moving abroad. When we got together again this last fall before the job offer, he drunkingly asked me on two occasions to marry him. I said no both times because he was drunk. He asked a third time soberly, but without a ring and knowing about me taking the job. I hope that I am not sounding like a gold digger here, but I really couldn't take him seriously and felt hurt. He had the whole relationship to ask, and I would have said yes at earlier points and not be moving right now. I said no for the last time, but I am having many "what if" thoughts...

Am I wrong for not taking him seriously?

Also, we agreed not to do long distance. He flat out told me that he couldn't have sexual fidelity, and I am not open to an open relationship. Although I am leaving, we have stayed/are still together. I have told him that I don't understand why he has insisted on it because we live in a metropolitan area with a lot of singles. He said why would he look for someone else if I was still here? I love him and haven't moved on yet, and I feel like I am a selfish asshole for agreeing to it. He has already brought up being friends once I move, and I want to, but I am still in love with him and want time to get over him.

Am I wrong for not wanting to be friends with him right away?

TLDR: My boyfriend proposed after learning I was taking a job abroad. I said no, but I would have said yes earlier in the relationship, am I wrong?



Submitted April 27, 2019 at 06:29AM

I (24F) am about a week away from moving away from my boyfriend (29M) who I have had my longest relationship yet and previously lived with. I have a lot of mixed emotions.There were 3 points in our relationship where I actually wanted and could envision marrying him and having children with him. We were on the same page for the important things for the future. However, my feelings came and left because of the trust issues, so I decided to accept a job offer this spring where I will be moving abroad. When we got together again this last fall before the job offer, he drunkingly asked me on two occasions to marry him. I said no both times because he was drunk. He asked a third time soberly, but without a ring and knowing about me taking the job. I hope that I am not sounding like a gold digger here, but I really couldn't take him seriously and felt hurt. He had the whole relationship to ask, and I would have said yes at earlier points and not be moving right now. I said no for the last time, but I am having many "what if" thoughts...Am I wrong for not taking him seriously?Also, we agreed not to do long distance. He flat out told me that he couldn't have sexual fidelity, and I am not open to an open relationship. Although I am leaving, we have stayed/are still together. I have told him that I don't understand why he has insisted on it because we live in a metropolitan area with a lot of singles. He said why would he look for someone else if I was still here? I love him and haven't moved on yet, and I feel like I am a selfish asshole for agreeing to it. He has already brought up being friends once I move, and I want to, but I am still in love with him and want time to get over him.Am I wrong for not wanting to be friends with him right away?TLDR: My boyfriend proposed after learning I was taking a job abroad. I said no, but I would have said yes earlier in the relationship, am I wrong?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more