How do I tell a guy I’m crazy about that I can’t date him anymore?

So here’s the deal. I’ve been on three dates with this guy - he’s really charismatic, energetic, charming, intelligent.. and we have a great connection in person. The problem is, I have an anxious attachment style and he seems to be an avoidant. Very inconsistent communication.. sends mixed signals.. etc. It’s not healthy for me to be with someone like that - even in early stages. That’s something it took a long time for me to figure out. I get anxiety from this constant guess work.. and something in my brain has coded that as a strong attraction. So I’m working against that. I need someone with a secure attachment style or I will go crazy.

We are supposed to have a date this weekend but he won’t confirm the day or time and hasn’t texted me back in 24 hours. I know he will probably text me tomorrow night and just assume we’re going out and tell me where to meet him - that is what happened the last two times we went out. If he texts tomorrow about our date.. What do I say to explain why I can’t see him anymore?

We have a lot of mutual friends and so I am wary of saying anything that might lead to unnecessary awkwardness.

Do I say that I made other plans since I hadn’t heard from him and leave it at that? Do I say I need someone who is a better communicator? It’s only been 3 dates so I don’t want to make a big deal about it but I want him to know the reason.

On our dates we really do have an amazing connection. But I’ve learned there’s a lot more to it than that.



Submitted April 26, 2019 at 11:05PM

So here’s the deal. I’ve been on three dates with this guy - he’s really charismatic, energetic, charming, intelligent.. and we have a great connection in person. The problem is, I have an anxious attachment style and he seems to be an avoidant. Very inconsistent communication.. sends mixed signals.. etc. It’s not healthy for me to be with someone like that - even in early stages. That’s something it took a long time for me to figure out. I get anxiety from this constant guess work.. and something in my brain has coded that as a strong attraction. So I’m working against that. I need someone with a secure attachment style or I will go crazy.We are supposed to have a date this weekend but he won’t confirm the day or time and hasn’t texted me back in 24 hours. I know he will probably text me tomorrow night and just assume we’re going out and tell me where to meet him - that is what happened the last two times we went out. If he texts tomorrow about our date.. What do I say to explain why I can’t see him anymore?We have a lot of mutual friends and so I am wary of saying anything that might lead to unnecessary awkwardness.Do I say that I made other plans since I hadn’t heard from him and leave it at that? Do I say I need someone who is a better communicator? It’s only been 3 dates so I don’t want to make a big deal about it but I want him to know the reason.On our dates we really do have an amazing connection. But I’ve learned there’s a lot more to it than that.
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