How have you dealt with a family members suicide attempt?

My (25F) sister (23F) attempted suicide early this year. I still feel very little of what I would consider to be supportive emotions, and I bottle up my anger and resentment whenever I'm around her (fortunately I don't live with parents anymore, so that isn't often). How do I build a supportive environment around this person?

As you might be able to deduct, this isn't someone I have a great relationship with. We were fine up until early teens. I was pretty awful and showed little desire to want to be around her, and as she got older she got steadily more self destructive. She followed dumb people. She did whatever it took to get dumb people to like her. I regret not being more supportive, but I was a dumb teenager myself. But there are degrees.

She hung around this stupid boy (23M maybe) for years. He has his own problems I won't get into, but they were your picture perfect unsupportive relationship. My sister moved out with him and then basically ignored her family for over a year, even actively dodging Mum's pretty reasonable requests just to get her home address. Eventually, at the age of 23, my sister attempted suicide by drinking a lethal substance because the boyfriend wouldn't let her see an ex boyfriend she'd had a fling with (this was the trigger, I understand mental illness is more complicated than surface value... But really?). It inflicted immense pain on my family. The family went to the hospital bed immediately, the boy did not because he was working.

So here's my resentment. We are privileged people in a privileged part of the world. Our personal issues are not insignificant but generally we have no excuse not to make the most of our lives and not be selfish.

I consider myself to be very well educated, but in the case of my sister I think I am emotionally stunted and unable to untangle my feelings of anger and even disgust at her continuous destructive actions and general narcissism. I feel heartless, which is confusing. It's all I can do to not create more toxicity because every time I am around her I am so immensely frustrated by her thought processes. I often say things I regret.

Can I only fake this relationship in order to not create more negatively?

I have another sister I get on with fine. I get on fine with my parents. I have a supportive network of friends and colleagues. I have a partner whom I love dearly and I have the privilege and honour to be able to say loves me. I don't think I'm a toxic person. But I act so uselessly around this sister.

TLDR; How do I create a relationship with a destructive person? Should I bother? Have you got a similar example?

Submitted April 27, 2019 at 07:13AM

My (25F) sister (23F) attempted suicide early this year. I still feel very little of what I would consider to be supportive emotions, and I bottle up my anger and resentment whenever I'm around her (fortunately I don't live with parents anymore, so that isn't often). How do I build a supportive environment around this person?As you might be able to deduct, this isn't someone I have a great relationship with. We were fine up until early teens. I was pretty awful and showed little desire to want to be around her, and as she got older she got steadily more self destructive. She followed dumb people. She did whatever it took to get dumb people to like her. I regret not being more supportive, but I was a dumb teenager myself. But there are degrees.She hung around this stupid boy (23M maybe) for years. He has his own problems I won't get into, but they were your picture perfect unsupportive relationship. My sister moved out with him and then basically ignored her family for over a year, even actively dodging Mum's pretty reasonable requests just to get her home address. Eventually, at the age of 23, my sister attempted suicide by drinking a lethal substance because the boyfriend wouldn't let her see an ex boyfriend she'd had a fling with (this was the trigger, I understand mental illness is more complicated than surface value... But really?). It inflicted immense pain on my family. The family went to the hospital bed immediately, the boy did not because he was working.So here's my resentment. We are privileged people in a privileged part of the world. Our personal issues are not insignificant but generally we have no excuse not to make the most of our lives and not be selfish.I consider myself to be very well educated, but in the case of my sister I think I am emotionally stunted and unable to untangle my feelings of anger and even disgust at her continuous destructive actions and general narcissism. I feel heartless, which is confusing. It's all I can do to not create more toxicity because every time I am around her I am so immensely frustrated by her thought processes. I often say things I regret.Can I only fake this relationship in order to not create more negatively?I have another sister I get on with fine. I get on fine with my parents. I have a supportive network of friends and colleagues. I have a partner whom I love dearly and I have the privilege and honour to be able to say loves me. I don't think I'm a toxic person. But I act so uselessly around this sister.TLDR; How do I create a relationship with a destructive person? Should I bother? Have you got a similar example?