Why do I feel disappointed?

I have been seeing someone for about six months. We connect well and always have interesting things to talk about, are affectionate with each other, and whenever there is a problem we are able to discuss it openly. However, I recently found out that he doesn't really experience New Relationship Energy (NRE) with me. I asked if he did, and he said "To an extent," and went on to explain that he values what we have even more. Of course, I'd rather have a real connection with him than something (like infatuation) that might feel good in the moment, but is fleeting. But I'm feeling disappointed for some reason, and I'm trying to understand what it's about. Maybe it's an ego thing? Perhaps I want him to experience New Relationship Energy with me as a form of validation (I don't like admitting to this, but if this is what it is, how do I work through it?). Or is there an unmet need?

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He did explain that he has negative associations with New Relationship Energy...I guess, with previous partners losing interest in him in order to chase New Relationship Energy with someone else. He says he doesn't experience NRE in general. He did try to reassure me that he's very into me and thinks we always have exciting conversations. So why am I not fully convinced? I guess I do like New Relationship Energy, although I don't necessarily seek it in the form of new people...I like having new experiences and discovering new things with the same person, and I can see how attraction can build over time. Maybe I am worried about the romance and passion dwindling? Perhaps I fear that he doesn't really have feelings for me, and sees me as a friend? Or maybe when we use the term NRE, we are referring to different things...

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I want to stop feeling disappointed/fixating on what is missing, and appreciate what we have (or try to identify what it is that I need and communicate that to him)...

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Any insights would be appreciated, thanks...

Submitted May 22, 2019 at 08:18PM

I have been seeing someone for about six months. We connect well and always have interesting things to talk about, are affectionate with each other, and whenever there is a problem we are able to discuss it openly. However, I recently found out that he doesn't really experience New Relationship Energy (NRE) with me. I asked if he did, and he said "To an extent," and went on to explain that he values what we have even more. Of course, I'd rather have a real connection with him than something (like infatuation) that might feel good in the moment, but is fleeting. But I'm feeling disappointed for some reason, and I'm trying to understand what it's about. Maybe it's an ego thing? Perhaps I want him to experience New Relationship Energy with me as a form of validation (I don't like admitting to this, but if this is what it is, how do I work through it?). Or is there an unmet need?​He did explain that he has negative associations with New Relationship Energy...I guess, with previous partners losing interest in him in order to chase New Relationship Energy with someone else. He says he doesn't experience NRE in general. He did try to reassure me that he's very into me and thinks we always have exciting conversations. So why am I not fully convinced? I guess I do like New Relationship Energy, although I don't necessarily seek it in the form of new people...I like having new experiences and discovering new things with the same person, and I can see how attraction can build over time. Maybe I am worried about the romance and passion dwindling? Perhaps I fear that he doesn't really have feelings for me, and sees me as a friend? Or maybe when we use the term NRE, we are referring to different things...​I want to stop feeling disappointed/fixating on what is missing, and appreciate what we have (or try to identify what it is that I need and communicate that to him)...​Any insights would be appreciated, thanks...