The guy [33M] I'm [23F] dating is pushing for something I'm not ready for...

Need to start this off by saying I'm not sure if this is the right sub for this since I'm 23 but I've been lurking for a couple weeks and feel like you guys offer great advice. Sub rules say "about" dating over the age of 30, so sorry in advance if I'm in the wrong place.

Also, this is a throwaway and sorry for the length.

The guy I am dating is 33 and very smart, kind, gentle, handsome, and knows what he wants. I'm assuming that comes with the territory of being in your 30's and being a bit more mature. The 10 year age difference isn't an issue when it comes to our interests, goals, or hobbies but I do concede he is more emotionally intelligent and better at communicating than I am - sometimes I lack the actual vocabulary to tell him how I feel.

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We met on tinder 8 months ago and agreed we were both hoping to work towards a relationship. Emphasis on work towards. Right away (this was in September) I noticed some not-so-attractive qualities of his: constant texting, wanting to hang out every single day, spend the night together every single night, asking to meet my friends and be invited to things I do with my friends.. you get the idea. I felt like I was being pushed into "girlfriend" and it was going too fast, so I texted him and told him it would be best if we stopped seeing each other. He was sad but expressed he understood and asked to meet because I had some things of his. When we saw each other, the physical connection re-sparked my interest and we decided to keep dating. I expressed clearly we needed to take things slow, get our communication down, and would work towards a full-blown relationship. "Slow and steady wins the race" type of thing. We were exclusive, sexually and otherwise. But then in January, I met someone new. Before you send me hate mail, please know that I know it was a shitty thing to do. However, I did the right thing and told him I met someone else and ended things to pursue this other person. We went our separate ways.

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Spoiler alert: Things with that person did not work out.

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Beginning of May, I reached back out to him and we met for a drink. We talked about how we had really missed each other and picked things back up again, again with the "we're exclusive but I want to go slow." Now, it's almost as if we went back in time to when we first started dating. Constant phone calls and texts, wanting to hang out constantly (this isn't an exaggeration), passive aggressive comments such as "you'd never post a photo of us on [social media platform]", inviting himself to hang out with my friends or being upset when I don't invite him, asking when he'll be able to call me his girlfriend. You get the idea.

​

So, here is where I need advice and constructive criticism. Is this normal "dating over 30" behavior? Is it a result of one person being ready to lock it down (him) vs the other wanting to work towards that over time (me)? Is it a result of the break we took for me to explore a relationship with someone else? If I'm being immature, please tell me. But don't be mean about. Thanks in advance!



Submitted May 22, 2019 at 08:29PM

Need to start this off by saying I'm not sure if this is the right sub for this since I'm 23 but I've been lurking for a couple weeks and feel like you guys offer great advice. Sub rules say "about" dating over the age of 30, so sorry in advance if I'm in the wrong place.Also, this is a throwaway and sorry for the length.The guy I am dating is 33 and very smart, kind, gentle, handsome, and knows what he wants. I'm assuming that comes with the territory of being in your 30's and being a bit more mature. The 10 year age difference isn't an issue when it comes to our interests, goals, or hobbies but I do concede he is more emotionally intelligent and better at communicating than I am - sometimes I lack the actual vocabulary to tell him how I feel.​We met on tinder 8 months ago and agreed we were both hoping to work towards a relationship. Emphasis on work towards. Right away (this was in September) I noticed some not-so-attractive qualities of his: constant texting, wanting to hang out every single day, spend the night together every single night, asking to meet my friends and be invited to things I do with my friends.. you get the idea. I felt like I was being pushed into "girlfriend" and it was going too fast, so I texted him and told him it would be best if we stopped seeing each other. He was sad but expressed he understood and asked to meet because I had some things of his. When we saw each other, the physical connection re-sparked my interest and we decided to keep dating. I expressed clearly we needed to take things slow, get our communication down, and would work towards a full-blown relationship. "Slow and steady wins the race" type of thing. We were exclusive, sexually and otherwise. But then in January, I met someone new. Before you send me hate mail, please know that I know it was a shitty thing to do. However, I did the right thing and told him I met someone else and ended things to pursue this other person. We went our separate ways.​Spoiler alert: Things with that person did not work out.​Beginning of May, I reached back out to him and we met for a drink. We talked about how we had really missed each other and picked things back up again, again with the "we're exclusive but I want to go slow." Now, it's almost as if we went back in time to when we first started dating. Constant phone calls and texts, wanting to hang out constantly (this isn't an exaggeration), passive aggressive comments such as "you'd never post a photo of us on [social media platform]", inviting himself to hang out with my friends or being upset when I don't invite him, asking when he'll be able to call me his girlfriend. You get the idea.​So, here is where I need advice and constructive criticism. Is this normal "dating over 30" behavior? Is it a result of one person being ready to lock it down (him) vs the other wanting to work towards that over time (me)? Is it a result of the break we took for me to explore a relationship with someone else? If I'm being immature, please tell me. But don't be mean about. Thanks in advance!
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