No Affection in Marriage

My husband (M38) and myself (F40), have been married for 15 years. We did marry young, and we have two children together. Over the past year, I've noticed physical affection waning. Probably longer than that, but it's really starting to get to me.

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I am a very affectionate person, outgoing person. He is very introverted and doesn't like to leave the house. I have to initiate all affection (kissing, hugging, usually sex too). When we do have sex, he just goes right to hands down the pants and wants to do it. The past year, I discovered he has gotten really into hotwife porn, which is something I'm not interested in.

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I'm pretty sure this has caused some of the issues in our life. When we do have sex, I can tell that he is fantasizing about it and moving me into positions where he can pretend that's what is happening. I've talked to him about it and he denies it.

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I've also talked to him about the lack of initiating affection and how important it is to me. He will usually do it for maybe a day and then reverts back. I know that I am an attractive woman. I notice men checking me out when we are in public. Even when I dress nice, he rarely comments.

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Last night I wore a tank and very sexy lacy underwear to bed to try to get his attention. I was even walking around in them. He completely rolled away from me when we went to bed. Even when I pressed against him and lowered my top. If I would have initiated, he would have probably have had sex with me, but I don't want it to feel forced or become some weird fantasy he is having.

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I am extremely lonely due to this, and I don't know what to do. I do love my husband, but it's starting to feel like we are just really close friends. I was working on a project with a guy last week, and I hadn't really thought much about him before, but for some reason that day, he wore a really tight-fitting shirt (he's athletic), and I could see all of his muscles in his chest and abs. We were talking, and suddenly he stepped in super close to me, like we were almost touching, and I was just hit with this massive wave of attraction. I felt really bad about it, but it worries me with the current state of the lack of affection in my marriage.

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I just don't know what to do? My husband hates talking about this stuff.

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UPDATE: Spoke to my husband last night. He acted completely thrown off, like he wasn't expecting it at all. He denied looking at porn, though I know he does. The hotwife stuff had gotten out of hand. He did say he loves me and finds me attractive, but just gets stuck in daily cycles and always feels like he is just checking off boxes as the day goes by.

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He seemed genuinely upset that I felt this way. Though, I have told him before. He promises he is going to show more affection toward me, but we will see. As far as the night before when I wore the lacy panties, he said he didn't understand what was going on, and he moved away because he was hot.

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He then asked if I was talking to someone else or cheating on him. Which really threw me, because why would I be trying to get him to pay more attention to me....

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He doesn't think we need counseling and he is going to try to be more aware. I'm going to be hopeful, but we shall see how long this lasts.

Submitted May 06, 2019 at 04:43PM

My husband (M38) and myself (F40), have been married for 15 years. We did marry young, and we have two children together. Over the past year, I've noticed physical affection waning. Probably longer than that, but it's really starting to get to me.​I am a very affectionate person, outgoing person. He is very introverted and doesn't like to leave the house. I have to initiate all affection (kissing, hugging, usually sex too). When we do have sex, he just goes right to hands down the pants and wants to do it. The past year, I discovered he has gotten really into hotwife porn, which is something I'm not interested in.​I'm pretty sure this has caused some of the issues in our life. When we do have sex, I can tell that he is fantasizing about it and moving me into positions where he can pretend that's what is happening. I've talked to him about it and he denies it.​I've also talked to him about the lack of initiating affection and how important it is to me. He will usually do it for maybe a day and then reverts back. I know that I am an attractive woman. I notice men checking me out when we are in public. Even when I dress nice, he rarely comments.​Last night I wore a tank and very sexy lacy underwear to bed to try to get his attention. I was even walking around in them. He completely rolled away from me when we went to bed. Even when I pressed against him and lowered my top. If I would have initiated, he would have probably have had sex with me, but I don't want it to feel forced or become some weird fantasy he is having.​I am extremely lonely due to this, and I don't know what to do. I do love my husband, but it's starting to feel like we are just really close friends. I was working on a project with a guy last week, and I hadn't really thought much about him before, but for some reason that day, he wore a really tight-fitting shirt (he's athletic), and I could see all of his muscles in his chest and abs. We were talking, and suddenly he stepped in super close to me, like we were almost touching, and I was just hit with this massive wave of attraction. I felt really bad about it, but it worries me with the current state of the lack of affection in my marriage.​I just don't know what to do? My husband hates talking about this stuff.​UPDATE: Spoke to my husband last night. He acted completely thrown off, like he wasn't expecting it at all. He denied looking at porn, though I know he does. The hotwife stuff had gotten out of hand. He did say he loves me and finds me attractive, but just gets stuck in daily cycles and always feels like he is just checking off boxes as the day goes by.​He seemed genuinely upset that I felt this way. Though, I have told him before. He promises he is going to show more affection toward me, but we will see. As far as the night before when I wore the lacy panties, he said he didn't understand what was going on, and he moved away because he was hot.​He then asked if I was talking to someone else or cheating on him. Which really threw me, because why would I be trying to get him to pay more attention to me....​He doesn't think we need counseling and he is going to try to be more aware. I'm going to be hopeful, but we shall see how long this lasts.