I'm insecure, and I think it's ruining my marriage...

Background info: My husband [23] and I [24] have been together since 2015. We were sexual fiends--sex everywhere, any place, always down for it! We even watched porn together. I had a great amount of self-confidence, wasn't jealous of other women, and knew my sex game was the best. Then I got pregnant--miscarriage; I didn't want to try again yet. He was set on a baby now; boom, three months later--pregnant. I wasn't thrilled; he was afraid to have sex with me because of the baby. He deployed halfway through, and he came back when our first born was 2 months old. We had sex ASAP. Everywhere. All the time. Just like the old days. Lol. Welp, fast forward 6 months...fuckin' pregnant again. Son of a bitch. I wasn't thrilled, but I knew it was a blessing. So I'm exhausted 24/7 with a walking toddler, and somehow my sex drive is still amazing--sex, SEX, AND MORE SEX. Baby arrives, no sex for months--my husband wasnt here for our first born's 2 months of life so he had some learning to do. It was painful--sometimes still can be. I didn't want to try because I was terrified of pregnancy, and it hurt so badly. Plus I'm fuckin' beyond tired suddenly, and I have this new found insecurity. Now I'm annoyed at being pushed to try so much.

Present day: We can have sex regularly now! Cheers But it still hurts somewhat (I think due to dryness idk). Even if we have sex multiple times a day, I find him using porn the next day instead of asking me. It doesn't seem to be enough for him anymore. Ever since having my second child, I am off my rocker with insecurity. I hate him watching any form of other naked women anywhere; I feel betrayal, uncertainty, unloved, etc. I have to stop myself from snooping in his phone; I'm constantly wanting to know what he sees in these women that he can't get from me. At first I understood with our lackless sex life, but now I'm confused and hurt. I ask him why he doesn't ask me for photos or videos anymore; he says "send me content" but when I do he never uses it. I don't understand because all of the women he jerks off to are my body type. I am constantly exercising in between taking care of our children, so I'll look even better than I did before. He tells me how sexy I am often, but I don't feel any love. It only makes me feel worse sometimes. I've never felt this level insecurity, jealousy, or obsession. All I can think about is my husband looking at women online, and how much it hurts me. We've had this talk several times now. We're not getting anywhere because I still feel these insane feelings, and it just seems like he rarely used porn before. Now I feel as though I'm competing for his attention and affection with photos and videos. Can someone shed some insight, please? I can clearly see my issues, and that they're wrong.... but I have no clue how to move forward.



Submitted May 08, 2019 at 02:57AM

Background info: My husband [23] and I [24] have been together since 2015. We were sexual fiends--sex everywhere, any place, always down for it! We even watched porn together. I had a great amount of self-confidence, wasn't jealous of other women, and knew my sex game was the best. Then I got pregnant--miscarriage; I didn't want to try again yet. He was set on a baby now; boom, three months later--pregnant. I wasn't thrilled; he was afraid to have sex with me because of the baby. He deployed halfway through, and he came back when our first born was 2 months old. We had sex ASAP. Everywhere. All the time. Just like the old days. Lol. Welp, fast forward 6 months...fuckin' pregnant again. Son of a bitch. I wasn't thrilled, but I knew it was a blessing. So I'm exhausted 24/7 with a walking toddler, and somehow my sex drive is still amazing--sex, SEX, AND MORE SEX. Baby arrives, no sex for months--my husband wasnt here for our first born's 2 months of life so he had some learning to do. It was painful--sometimes still can be. I didn't want to try because I was terrified of pregnancy, and it hurt so badly. Plus I'm fuckin' beyond tired suddenly, and I have this new found insecurity. Now I'm annoyed at being pushed to try so much.Present day: We can have sex regularly now! Cheers But it still hurts somewhat (I think due to dryness idk). Even if we have sex multiple times a day, I find him using porn the next day instead of asking me. It doesn't seem to be enough for him anymore. Ever since having my second child, I am off my rocker with insecurity. I hate him watching any form of other naked women anywhere; I feel betrayal, uncertainty, unloved, etc. I have to stop myself from snooping in his phone; I'm constantly wanting to know what he sees in these women that he can't get from me. At first I understood with our lackless sex life, but now I'm confused and hurt. I ask him why he doesn't ask me for photos or videos anymore; he says "send me content" but when I do he never uses it. I don't understand because all of the women he jerks off to are my body type. I am constantly exercising in between taking care of our children, so I'll look even better than I did before. He tells me how sexy I am often, but I don't feel any love. It only makes me feel worse sometimes. I've never felt this level insecurity, jealousy, or obsession. All I can think about is my husband looking at women online, and how much it hurts me. We've had this talk several times now. We're not getting anywhere because I still feel these insane feelings, and it just seems like he rarely used porn before. Now I feel as though I'm competing for his attention and affection with photos and videos. Can someone shed some insight, please? I can clearly see my issues, and that they're wrong.... but I have no clue how to move forward.
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