Giving someone a second chance but he seems uninterested now. Was it a game?

I’ll try to make this as short as possible but I’m a terrible long winded story teller. Sorry!

3-4 years ago I (33f now) went out with a guy who is a couple years older than me. He’s divorced with children. We ended up going out a handful of times, had the “what are you looking for” talk. We both seemed to be on the same page, we wanted a relationship. We had sex and he ghosted me. I found out later that his divorce was a lot more recent than he led me to believe and he was still dealing with the aftermath of it.

Maybe 6 months to a year after that he found me on OLD and started apologizing for ghosting me. This went out for awhile, another 6 months or more. I don’t really remember but one day he sent me a friend request on facebook. I was in the holiday blues and accepted. We started chatting a bit more. He asked if I would give him another chance, I said yes but he never made any plans. He would still talk to me, saying we should hang out again, and never follow through.

Two months ago I got a notification on Hinge that he liked me. One night, after a few drinks, I called him out on it, asking why he bothers if he’s never going to make a move. So of course then he does. We went out, had an alright time, said we’d hang out again. We have yet to do so yet. We do work sort of opposite schedules so the chance to hang out have been limited but there.

I think that if our last date was the first one, I probably would have said it was a good date but I feel like I’m guarded and expecting him to disappear again. He claims he’s into me and has thought “what if...” over the last few years but it doesn’t look/feel like that’s true. If that’s the case, why not actually make a plan when I initially said I’d give him a second chance? Why drag out scheduling another date? Normally, I’d take charge a bit more but I kind of feel like it’s up to him to put forth the effort. At the same time, that makes me feel like a push over of sorts. Was this a challenge for him? Wanted some sense of validation? Prove to himself that he was really a good guy and didn’t just ghost without reason?

TLDR: went out with a guy 3-4 years ago, had sex, got ghosted. Reappeared later, apologized repeatedly for 6mos-1 year. Finally agreed to go out, took another 6mos+ to actually do so. Says interested.

Submitted May 08, 2019 at 01:23AM

I’ll try to make this as short as possible but I’m a terrible long winded story teller. Sorry!3-4 years ago I (33f now) went out with a guy who is a couple years older than me. He’s divorced with children. We ended up going out a handful of times, had the “what are you looking for” talk. We both seemed to be on the same page, we wanted a relationship. We had sex and he ghosted me. I found out later that his divorce was a lot more recent than he led me to believe and he was still dealing with the aftermath of it.Maybe 6 months to a year after that he found me on OLD and started apologizing for ghosting me. This went out for awhile, another 6 months or more. I don’t really remember but one day he sent me a friend request on facebook. I was in the holiday blues and accepted. We started chatting a bit more. He asked if I would give him another chance, I said yes but he never made any plans. He would still talk to me, saying we should hang out again, and never follow through.Two months ago I got a notification on Hinge that he liked me. One night, after a few drinks, I called him out on it, asking why he bothers if he’s never going to make a move. So of course then he does. We went out, had an alright time, said we’d hang out again. We have yet to do so yet. We do work sort of opposite schedules so the chance to hang out have been limited but there.I think that if our last date was the first one, I probably would have said it was a good date but I feel like I’m guarded and expecting him to disappear again. He claims he’s into me and has thought “what if...” over the last few years but it doesn’t look/feel like that’s true. If that’s the case, why not actually make a plan when I initially said I’d give him a second chance? Why drag out scheduling another date? Normally, I’d take charge a bit more but I kind of feel like it’s up to him to put forth the effort. At the same time, that makes me feel like a push over of sorts. Was this a challenge for him? Wanted some sense of validation? Prove to himself that he was really a good guy and didn’t just ghost without reason?TLDR: went out with a guy 3-4 years ago, had sex, got ghosted. Reappeared later, apologized repeatedly for 6mos-1 year. Finally agreed to go out, took another 6mos+ to actually do so. Says interested.