My (34F) partner (35M) takes a long time to climax and it puts me off wanting to sleep with him.

Looking for some advice. I’ve entered a somewhat dead bedroom situation with my partner of 3 years, for multiple reasons, one of which being that he takes a long time to climax and I can’t keep up and get tired, sore, and bored.

I’m talking like a minimum of half an hour of deep, vigorous penetration every time (usually with my legs over my head so he can go deep). In the honeymoon stage it was great, but these days I’d much prefer a quickie (even 20 mins) as I don’t have the time or energy for the long sessions on a regular basis. I get UTIs often afterwards also.

To make matters worse, I can’t come from penetration so usually stimulate myself with my fingers and am done in the first few minutes. I want him to feel good, and so I usually keep having sex with him (as enthusiastically as possible) until he finishes but the reality is I don’t really enjoy it beyond the 15 minute mark, and as time has gone of I’ve found myself making excuses to not have sex with him.

He’s always taken a long time to climax - including when he masturbates - so it doesn’t have anything to do with me. And he’s also not holding off on purpose - he’s trying as hard as he absolutely can to get there.

The last time we did it (2 months ago), I made the mistake of asking him to “speed it up” (I said it playfully) but he got wildly offended and we haven’t done it since. He’s a very sensitive person who is deeply sensitive to criticism so I’m not sure how to bring the topic up again, but I would like to enjoy sex and not end up tired and sore every time.

I wonder if maybe we are just sexually incompatible.

Does anyone have any advice?



Submitted April 13, 2019 at 05:51AM

Looking for some advice. I’ve entered a somewhat dead bedroom situation with my partner of 3 years, for multiple reasons, one of which being that he takes a long time to climax and I can’t keep up and get tired, sore, and bored.I’m talking like a minimum of half an hour of deep, vigorous penetration every time (usually with my legs over my head so he can go deep). In the honeymoon stage it was great, but these days I’d much prefer a quickie (even 20 mins) as I don’t have the time or energy for the long sessions on a regular basis. I get UTIs often afterwards also.To make matters worse, I can’t come from penetration so usually stimulate myself with my fingers and am done in the first few minutes. I want him to feel good, and so I usually keep having sex with him (as enthusiastically as possible) until he finishes but the reality is I don’t really enjoy it beyond the 15 minute mark, and as time has gone of I’ve found myself making excuses to not have sex with him.He’s always taken a long time to climax - including when he masturbates - so it doesn’t have anything to do with me. And he’s also not holding off on purpose - he’s trying as hard as he absolutely can to get there.The last time we did it (2 months ago), I made the mistake of asking him to “speed it up” (I said it playfully) but he got wildly offended and we haven’t done it since. He’s a very sensitive person who is deeply sensitive to criticism so I’m not sure how to bring the topic up again, but I would like to enjoy sex and not end up tired and sore every time.I wonder if maybe we are just sexually incompatible.Does anyone have any advice?
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