Is very bad sex a deal breaker at this age?

Interested in people's opinions and experiences with this. Have been seeing someone through OLD for a little while and we slept together for the first time this week, and it was TERRIBLE. Completely selfish on his part - no foreplay, no technique, just missionary for 5 mins and he was done. He's almost 40, I understand being inexperienced or nervous but he's had plenty of relationship experience and seemed completely confident the whole time.

I don't think it would be possible to “train” him to be better at this point would it? Of course communication is important and I could work on it but honestly feel like it would take a huge amount of work, given the starting point is such a disaster. Has anyone had a similar experience and it improved drastically? Would talking to him about it make him put in more effort or would it just make him defensive? Or does he know he's terrible and just doesn't care?

Since my 30s I've had some of the best sex of my life, but unfortunately always with men who were not looking for LTR. This guy could potentially be a longer term prospect but damn, not sure how many sessions like that I could survive :-| especially now that I'm not 21 and I know how much better it can actually be!

(We've made future plans and he's still messaging me and said he had a great night, so it wasn't a one and done scenario. I don't think he actually knows how crap it was).

TL;DR: Is bad (lazy) sex generally a deal breaker for people, or can it be drastically improved with coaching/communication



Submitted April 11, 2019 at 02:11PM

Interested in people's opinions and experiences with this. Have been seeing someone through OLD for a little while and we slept together for the first time this week, and it was TERRIBLE. Completely selfish on his part - no foreplay, no technique, just missionary for 5 mins and he was done. He's almost 40, I understand being inexperienced or nervous but he's had plenty of relationship experience and seemed completely confident the whole time.I don't think it would be possible to “train” him to be better at this point would it? Of course communication is important and I could work on it but honestly feel like it would take a huge amount of work, given the starting point is such a disaster. Has anyone had a similar experience and it improved drastically? Would talking to him about it make him put in more effort or would it just make him defensive? Or does he know he's terrible and just doesn't care?Since my 30s I've had some of the best sex of my life, but unfortunately always with men who were not looking for LTR. This guy could potentially be a longer term prospect but damn, not sure how many sessions like that I could survive :-| especially now that I'm not 21 and I know how much better it can actually be!(We've made future plans and he's still messaging me and said he had a great night, so it wasn't a one and done scenario. I don't think he actually knows how crap it was).TL;DR: Is bad (lazy) sex generally a deal breaker for people, or can it be drastically improved with coaching/communication
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