My (21, F) sexuality is deeply tied to my now ex boyfriend (21, M)

After almost two years, I had an incredibly ugly and painful breakup with a guy who at this point is unrecognizable to me. We inflicted a lot of damage onto one another, and it finally ended with us pretty much losing every morsel of respect we have for each other. Not a pleasant breakup to say the least.

My problem: I’m trying to move the fuck on (literally), but this guy is the only man to really ever make me cum. As much as I hate his guts, as much as he has hurt me, no other guy comes near to how much he turns me on. I’m trying with all of me not to hate myself for it. Since we went no contact a couple weeks ago (we’ve been broken up for three and a half months now but had still been having sex up until that point) I barely have a libido. I don’t want to fuck anyone else, no other guy interests me, I feel sexually wrecked. I want to be open to all of the options I now have but I can’t. While while are other guys who emotionally or intellectually interest me, when it comes to sex there’s really no one else I want.

Today I got incredibly horny for the first time in a while, and tried with all of me to think about anything but him. I tried fantasizing about other guys, looking at photos of other guys, but the end I couldn’t cum without fantasizing about him. It’s so painful to think about him that right after I came (pretty hard might I add) I starting crying.

is this normal??? Does any one even kind of understand or resonate? I miss the sex so much but there’s zero chance of that happening ever again. My only option is to move on but I feel terrified that no one else is going to ever live up to the sex life I had with him. If anyone has any perspective or genuine encouragement, I’d really appreciate it.



Submitted April 13, 2019 at 02:58AM

After almost two years, I had an incredibly ugly and painful breakup with a guy who at this point is unrecognizable to me. We inflicted a lot of damage onto one another, and it finally ended with us pretty much losing every morsel of respect we have for each other. Not a pleasant breakup to say the least.My problem: I’m trying to move the fuck on (literally), but this guy is the only man to really ever make me cum. As much as I hate his guts, as much as he has hurt me, no other guy comes near to how much he turns me on. I’m trying with all of me not to hate myself for it. Since we went no contact a couple weeks ago (we’ve been broken up for three and a half months now but had still been having sex up until that point) I barely have a libido. I don’t want to fuck anyone else, no other guy interests me, I feel sexually wrecked. I want to be open to all of the options I now have but I can’t. While while are other guys who emotionally or intellectually interest me, when it comes to sex there’s really no one else I want.Today I got incredibly horny for the first time in a while, and tried with all of me to think about anything but him. I tried fantasizing about other guys, looking at photos of other guys, but the end I couldn’t cum without fantasizing about him. It’s so painful to think about him that right after I came (pretty hard might I add) I starting crying.is this normal??? Does any one even kind of understand or resonate? I miss the sex so much but there’s zero chance of that happening ever again. My only option is to move on but I feel terrified that no one else is going to ever live up to the sex life I had with him. If anyone has any perspective or genuine encouragement, I’d really appreciate it.
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