I (33F) am trying to drop my old habits of dating unavailable men but I'm not sure if I'm doing it right.. I miss the butterflies/adrenaline!

Thus far in my life I have always chased attractions that are immediate - I normally only date people that I am immediately attracted to and excited by. I've had a lot of fun doing this but I've also learned that following this attractions are not always good for me. I tend to be attracted to and excited by men who are not 100% available in some way - meaning emotionally distant, living far away, not looking for anything serious, etc. I was in a long term relationship with someone who was not emotionally available to me and when it ended I decided to change my ways and start following healthier attractions.

I've heard a lot about attraction being developed slowly over time. I'm currently dating a man who is 100% available.. he likes me, he is emotionally intelligent, not hung up on any exes, very honest and open, and has room for me in his life. I am attracted to him and I do enjoy spending time with him.. but I don't feel that CRAZY attraction that I was so used to feeling in my 20s. Like I'm not fantasizing about him or sitting by the phone waiting for him to text. I'm happy when he texts, but there's no crazy adrenaline rush involved. Each time I hang out with him, I do like him more and more.. but I'm not thinking about how I HAVE to be with him and if we stopped talking at this point I would probably be okay with it.

Is this how it should work? Does dating in your 30s mean being more realistic about what kind of attraction you pursue? For example.. there's a much younger man that I KNOW is not looking for anything serious but wants to take me out on a date and for sure wants to sleep with me. He's incredibly attractive and I get butterflies just thinking about him.. but thus far I have said no to him each time he's asked. If I was 25, I'd have said yes in a heartbeat.

Am I doing it right??



Submitted April 11, 2019 at 04:14PM

Thus far in my life I have always chased attractions that are immediate - I normally only date people that I am immediately attracted to and excited by. I've had a lot of fun doing this but I've also learned that following this attractions are not always good for me. I tend to be attracted to and excited by men who are not 100% available in some way - meaning emotionally distant, living far away, not looking for anything serious, etc. I was in a long term relationship with someone who was not emotionally available to me and when it ended I decided to change my ways and start following healthier attractions.I've heard a lot about attraction being developed slowly over time. I'm currently dating a man who is 100% available.. he likes me, he is emotionally intelligent, not hung up on any exes, very honest and open, and has room for me in his life. I am attracted to him and I do enjoy spending time with him.. but I don't feel that CRAZY attraction that I was so used to feeling in my 20s. Like I'm not fantasizing about him or sitting by the phone waiting for him to text. I'm happy when he texts, but there's no crazy adrenaline rush involved. Each time I hang out with him, I do like him more and more.. but I'm not thinking about how I HAVE to be with him and if we stopped talking at this point I would probably be okay with it.Is this how it should work? Does dating in your 30s mean being more realistic about what kind of attraction you pursue? For example.. there's a much younger man that I KNOW is not looking for anything serious but wants to take me out on a date and for sure wants to sleep with me. He's incredibly attractive and I get butterflies just thinking about him.. but thus far I have said no to him each time he's asked. If I was 25, I'd have said yes in a heartbeat.Am I doing it right??
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