I (33F) am trying to drop my old habits of dating unavailable men but I'm not sure if I'm doing it right.. I miss the butterflies/adrenaline!

Thus far in my life I have always chased attractions that are immediate - I normally only date people that I am immediately attracted to and excited by. I've had a lot of fun doing this but I've also learned that following this attractions are not always good for me. I tend to be attracted to and excited by men who are not 100% available in some way - meaning emotionally distant, living far away, not looking for anything serious, etc. I was in a long term relationship with someone who was not emotionally available to me and when it ended I decided to change my ways and start following healthier attractions.

I've heard a lot about attraction being developed slowly over time. I'm currently dating a man who is 100% available.. he likes me, he is emotionally intelligent, not hung up on any exes, very honest and open, and has room for me in his life. I am attracted to him and I do enjoy spending time with him.. but I don't feel that CRAZY attraction that I was so used to feeling in my 20s. Like I'm not fantasizing about him or sitting by the phone waiting for him to text. I'm happy when he texts, but there's no crazy adrenaline rush involved. Each time I hang out with him, I do like him more and more.. but I'm not thinking about how I HAVE to be with him and if we stopped talking at this point I would probably be okay with it.

Is this how it should work? Does dating in your 30s mean being more realistic about what kind of attraction you pursue? For example.. there's a much younger man that I KNOW is not looking for anything serious but wants to take me out on a date and for sure wants to sleep with me. He's incredibly attractive and I get butterflies just thinking about him.. but thus far I have said no to him each time he's asked. If I was 25, I'd have said yes in a heartbeat.

Am I doing it right??



Submitted April 11, 2019 at 04:14PM

Thus far in my life I have always chased attractions that are immediate - I normally only date people that I am immediately attracted to and excited by. I've had a lot of fun doing this but I've also learned that following this attractions are not always good for me. I tend to be attracted to and excited by men who are not 100% available in some way - meaning emotionally distant, living far away, not looking for anything serious, etc. I was in a long term relationship with someone who was not emotionally available to me and when it ended I decided to change my ways and start following healthier attractions.I've heard a lot about attraction being developed slowly over time. I'm currently dating a man who is 100% available.. he likes me, he is emotionally intelligent, not hung up on any exes, very honest and open, and has room for me in his life. I am attracted to him and I do enjoy spending time with him.. but I don't feel that CRAZY attraction that I was so used to feeling in my 20s. Like I'm not fantasizing about him or sitting by the phone waiting for him to text. I'm happy when he texts, but there's no crazy adrenaline rush involved. Each time I hang out with him, I do like him more and more.. but I'm not thinking about how I HAVE to be with him and if we stopped talking at this point I would probably be okay with it.Is this how it should work? Does dating in your 30s mean being more realistic about what kind of attraction you pursue? For example.. there's a much younger man that I KNOW is not looking for anything serious but wants to take me out on a date and for sure wants to sleep with me. He's incredibly attractive and I get butterflies just thinking about him.. but thus far I have said no to him each time he's asked. If I was 25, I'd have said yes in a heartbeat.Am I doing it right??
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more