First Meet Turns into Awkward and Uncomfortable Situation

UPDATE: I just finished having a face-to-face with my friend. She took it very well and was graceful in accepting the information and grateful I was the one to share it with her. Unfortunately this was not a shock to her as it's a long-standing pattern of behavior, except it has gotten more blatant as time has passed and she wasn't aware it had started again. I hope it's the kick in the pants she needs to finally kick his ass to the curb.

Just set up OLD accounts again after a 6-month break (first 4 of that I was seeing someone). Matched with a guy on Sunday, and we've been texting since then. He asked to meet me, so we set a time for last night at a local brewery. I wasn't super gung ho about the guy but he seemed a nice enough person to me to meet and get back into the swing of dating. He told me ahead of time that he could only stay for about 45 minutes because he had to go home and make dinner for his daughter. This seemed fair enough and I didn't think much of it at the time. I started getting a weird feeling after looking at his photos again that I'd met him before, but couldn't for the life of me remember.

I arrived early and chatted with the young female bartenders, and gave them a heads up that I was meeting a Tinder date. They shared their "signal" with me and we had a good laugh. The guy showed up and we started chatting. About 15 minutes into the conversation it hit me. This dude is married. To a classmate/friend of mine. And I literally used to live around the corner from him. Granted, I only met the guy one time (about 5 yrs ago) in the yard, right after he and his wife moved into the neighborhood.

The girl is a friend, but not someone I hang out with. She's one of those "we should meet for a glass of wine" people, but never do. We have exchanged a few facebook messages about random things lately, and I got the feeling from those exchanges as well as some vaguebooking that things weren't going well at home. But she hasn't shared details and I haven't asked. I know there's a possibility they are separated, but I get the feeling that's not the case, because when I asked how long he'd been divorced he said 7 years. He was also acting pretty nervous, looking around, etc. while we were at the bar (we live in a pretty small town).

Once I realized who he was, it was very hard for me to concentrate on a word he said or act normal. And damn if he didn't keep sitting there for another hour after when he said he had to leave. It was so uncomfortable. At one point I asked the female bartender to show me where the bathroom was and I took her inside and told her what was up. She suggested I confront him immediately, but I felt like that would be a bad idea. If he was a random stranger I found out was married, I would have had no qualms calling him out on it. But if he really is still married to my friend and she has no idea what he's doing, I'm in a position to help her gather ammunition by sharing his Tinder profile and the texts we've exchanged. My plan is to send her a message this morning and ask to meet her as soon as possible. He works out of town and usually gets home late, so hopefully I can see her today and give her a chance to process this before he gets home.

He texted me after we parted ways and asked to see me again. I have not responded yet. I have no clue what to do with that part. I'm honestly more worried about this yukky conversation I have to have with my friend.

What a freaking nightmare.

Submitted April 11, 2019 at 10:56AM

UPDATE: I just finished having a face-to-face with my friend. She took it very well and was graceful in accepting the information and grateful I was the one to share it with her. Unfortunately this was not a shock to her as it's a long-standing pattern of behavior, except it has gotten more blatant as time has passed and she wasn't aware it had started again. I hope it's the kick in the pants she needs to finally kick his ass to the curb.Just set up OLD accounts again after a 6-month break (first 4 of that I was seeing someone). Matched with a guy on Sunday, and we've been texting since then. He asked to meet me, so we set a time for last night at a local brewery. I wasn't super gung ho about the guy but he seemed a nice enough person to me to meet and get back into the swing of dating. He told me ahead of time that he could only stay for about 45 minutes because he had to go home and make dinner for his daughter. This seemed fair enough and I didn't think much of it at the time. I started getting a weird feeling after looking at his photos again that I'd met him before, but couldn't for the life of me remember.I arrived early and chatted with the young female bartenders, and gave them a heads up that I was meeting a Tinder date. They shared their "signal" with me and we had a good laugh. The guy showed up and we started chatting. About 15 minutes into the conversation it hit me. This dude is married. To a classmate/friend of mine. And I literally used to live around the corner from him. Granted, I only met the guy one time (about 5 yrs ago) in the yard, right after he and his wife moved into the neighborhood.The girl is a friend, but not someone I hang out with. She's one of those "we should meet for a glass of wine" people, but never do. We have exchanged a few facebook messages about random things lately, and I got the feeling from those exchanges as well as some vaguebooking that things weren't going well at home. But she hasn't shared details and I haven't asked. I know there's a possibility they are separated, but I get the feeling that's not the case, because when I asked how long he'd been divorced he said 7 years. He was also acting pretty nervous, looking around, etc. while we were at the bar (we live in a pretty small town).Once I realized who he was, it was very hard for me to concentrate on a word he said or act normal. And damn if he didn't keep sitting there for another hour after when he said he had to leave. It was so uncomfortable. At one point I asked the female bartender to show me where the bathroom was and I took her inside and told her what was up. She suggested I confront him immediately, but I felt like that would be a bad idea. If he was a random stranger I found out was married, I would have had no qualms calling him out on it. But if he really is still married to my friend and she has no idea what he's doing, I'm in a position to help her gather ammunition by sharing his Tinder profile and the texts we've exchanged. My plan is to send her a message this morning and ask to meet her as soon as possible. He works out of town and usually gets home late, so hopefully I can see her today and give her a chance to process this before he gets home.He texted me after we parted ways and asked to see me again. I have not responded yet. I have no clue what to do with that part. I'm honestly more worried about this yukky conversation I have to have with my friend.What a freaking nightmare.