Can I fall in love with my husband after 25 yrs?

Next month is our 25th anniversary. I do not love him anymore. He does not even care about himself. When I ask him to go to the doctor for existing health problems he has, he refuses saying marriage is so miserable or some other similar statement, he would rather die. If I stand up to him and point out that what he just said is hurtful to me and/or our children, he blows up angry. He has a heart problem he was born with that needs follow up and a thyroid problem. The thyroid problem will weaken his already damaged heart if he does not have it treated.

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This is just 25 yrs of bad memories. We had a few good years, but now they are just bad again. I am not going to divorce. He does not even know this but I have something going on neurologically that will get worse and will eventually be completely disabling and I will die. Ok, not today or tomorrow, we are talking 10+ years from now. I tried to tell him before but he literally never listens to me. This has been a long time problem. He will ask me questions and I will answer and then ask the same question 5 minutes later. His phone means so much more to him than I do. Even when I gave birth, you can see him in the pictures, staring at his phone. Even giving birth to his child was not enough for him to look up from his phone. And that is just the edge of the problem.

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I have invested myself in this marriage all these years. I completely have given of myself. I read the marriage books that all say to give give give more of yourself when your marriage is having problems. I also did this. My husband thought it was great that he could have sex whenever he wanted, even if his idea of foreplay was playing video games and not looking at me. Oh, yeah, and waking me up at 4am to have sex when I begged him not to. I cannot get back to sleep after he does that. And he would just laugh and think he is so funny and cute and say "oh, don't worry, I will make it up to you tonight, you can have a nap tonight" in his stupid pandering voice. Oh yeah, and I never get that nap that night anyway as he comes home from work and goes right to bed. He wakes up after I get the kids to bed for the night and then gets himself a Mountain Dew and plays video games. He says he cannot sleep and seems to have no idea why. I tell myself to be grateful it is not beer anymore. I try to picture his real mom loving him and caring about him and hoping someone good takes care of him some day so therefore, I should love him. You know, picturing him as a baby, his mom dying and hoping her baby boy is taken care of, and then him suffering at the hands of the woman who raised him so I can feel sorry for him and take good care of him because he was once a baby who needed love. Yeah, so thinking along those lines gets me through it.

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I have posted about him before and the problems go way deeper. I am not interested in discussing divorce. I feel like love is this fantasy that other people have, not me. I have even asked him before "why can't you love me?" and he tells me because I am unlovable.

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Ok..forget it. I want him to be someone he is not, which is a decent human being. 25th anniversary, I think I will avoid it. He probably won't remember it if I do not remind him anyway.

Submitted April 13, 2019 at 04:01AM

Next month is our 25th anniversary. I do not love him anymore. He does not even care about himself. When I ask him to go to the doctor for existing health problems he has, he refuses saying marriage is so miserable or some other similar statement, he would rather die. If I stand up to him and point out that what he just said is hurtful to me and/or our children, he blows up angry. He has a heart problem he was born with that needs follow up and a thyroid problem. The thyroid problem will weaken his already damaged heart if he does not have it treated.​This is just 25 yrs of bad memories. We had a few good years, but now they are just bad again. I am not going to divorce. He does not even know this but I have something going on neurologically that will get worse and will eventually be completely disabling and I will die. Ok, not today or tomorrow, we are talking 10+ years from now. I tried to tell him before but he literally never listens to me. This has been a long time problem. He will ask me questions and I will answer and then ask the same question 5 minutes later. His phone means so much more to him than I do. Even when I gave birth, you can see him in the pictures, staring at his phone. Even giving birth to his child was not enough for him to look up from his phone. And that is just the edge of the problem.​I have invested myself in this marriage all these years. I completely have given of myself. I read the marriage books that all say to give give give more of yourself when your marriage is having problems. I also did this. My husband thought it was great that he could have sex whenever he wanted, even if his idea of foreplay was playing video games and not looking at me. Oh, yeah, and waking me up at 4am to have sex when I begged him not to. I cannot get back to sleep after he does that. And he would just laugh and think he is so funny and cute and say "oh, don't worry, I will make it up to you tonight, you can have a nap tonight" in his stupid pandering voice. Oh yeah, and I never get that nap that night anyway as he comes home from work and goes right to bed. He wakes up after I get the kids to bed for the night and then gets himself a Mountain Dew and plays video games. He says he cannot sleep and seems to have no idea why. I tell myself to be grateful it is not beer anymore. I try to picture his real mom loving him and caring about him and hoping someone good takes care of him some day so therefore, I should love him. You know, picturing him as a baby, his mom dying and hoping her baby boy is taken care of, and then him suffering at the hands of the woman who raised him so I can feel sorry for him and take good care of him because he was once a baby who needed love. Yeah, so thinking along those lines gets me through it.​I have posted about him before and the problems go way deeper. I am not interested in discussing divorce. I feel like love is this fantasy that other people have, not me. I have even asked him before "why can't you love me?" and he tells me because I am unlovable.​Ok..forget it. I want him to be someone he is not, which is a decent human being. 25th anniversary, I think I will avoid it. He probably won't remember it if I do not remind him anyway.