/u/Catzillachan on Demisexuality backlash

The way I've understood it is that people identify with demisexuality (the definition I've heard being that one doesnt feel sexual attraction unless a bond is formed) for one of two reasons:

1. They're allo, but dont want to jump into bed with strangers as a lot of allos seem to do. Instead they want a relationship first. They assume not doing one night stands and such makes them asexual when if fact the majority of allos also dont feel comfortable sleeping with strangers. Which is why they say "everybody feels that way".

2. They're fully ace, but experience romantic attraction and would want intimacy with a partner they feel comfortable with, and confuse this with sexual attraction.

I think it makes perfect sense to only be comfortable with intimacy with a close and romantic partner, wether you be ace or allo. I think it all really depends on personal view on sex, if you see it as something intimate you'd only share with someone special, or if you just see it as something people do for fun. Both are ok, so long as the other participant feels the same way.

I guess the difference between 1 and 2 here is that 1 would still feel sexual attraction to strangers, even though they wouldn't sleep with them unless a relationship was formed. And 2 wouldn't feel attraction at all, therefore not knowing/understanding what sexual attraction is, and not understanding that the intimacy they crave with their partner isnt sexual attraction.

This is entirely based on my own observations though. I personally believe that you either feel sexual attraction or you dont, so if you feel demi you must be confused about something. Feel free to come with counter-arguments, though. I'm not an expert after all, and would love input from others.

May 20, 2019 at 05:59AM