My Husband Won't Resolve Intimacy Issues

I want to stress this is a last resort before divorce. (Unbiased opinions) This is my first marriage and I'm at my wits end. As a disclaimer, I have directly and respectfully with no animosity asked was he still attracted to me, if he is unhappy, if there is something I have done to make him no longer desire me, if he has changed his mind even on the marriage. He said no across the board!!! I gave him a complete opportunity to not feel trapped or unhappy in the marriage with no hard feelings at all!

I love my husband very much but sex has been a point of contention since we started living together. Prior to as boyfriend and girlfriend, we had sex everytime we saw each other. I assumed we would have a great sex life always.

Once under the same roof things took a turn. We didn't have intimacy and he seemed to care less and less. I couldn't figure out the problem but I wanted to stay positive. After a few health issues were resolved (something he needed to handle) we had sex maybe once a year. We have been a total of 5 years living together.

I expressed my concerns last year prior to us getting married on the lack of intimacy. I was not mean nor sarcastic. I lovingly told him sex is important and to please figure out why he didn't want sex. He decided his testosterone was low. This was after his own research on google. He says he wanted sex but couldn't get an erection. I said ok fine. I wanted a doctor's confirmation so I suggested it without any opinion from me at all and he agreed. But there wasn't a doctor's appointment available until after the day we were to get married. Despite our issues I went forth with it. We got married and his appointment was a week later. There was zero intimacy on our wedding night. I felt numb but remained positive.

The doctor told him he needed to start by losing weight. My husband continued to eat unhealthy foods and I became more resentful. I couldn't understand why he wasn't taking this seriously! I missed my husband and he knew my feelings yet would become angry if I addressed it. It's as if he wanted me to exist sexless on his terms. I still to this day can't wrap my head around it.

After a few months he finally decided to purchase supplements from GNC and casually work on his weight. He asked me to sign him back up at a gym but once I paid for it he didn't go one time. He created excuses to not go and again I am privately resentful. He told me about 3 weeks ago to put the membership on vacation hold. Then a few weeks later suggested a gym totally out of his way but this didn't make sense to me because there is a gym 60 seconds from his job. When I addressed this he said well it was a thought.

My husband has now lost a few pounds with a change in his diet but still no sex. He found viagara from a coworker friend and we had sex one time last year in October. I since have been pissed and angry because he is halfway taking his supplements. When I called him out that he still had days of supplements left in a bottle he purchased 2 months prior which was a 30 day supply, he started taking them again. However since he figures I am not paying attention he has stopped.

I am tired of this! I am 40, and want sex. I am considering cheating although he says that isn't right since we are married. YES OUT OF FRUSTRATION I TOLD HIM he is pushing me to infidelity due to his passivity in resolving his situation.

There is no kissing maybe a lingering soft peck here and there but that is it. He says performing oral on me isn't comfortable for him because he will then want sex and he can't. I am literally receiving no intimacy.

Please help. Because we celebrate our 1st anniversary in a few weeks but honestly I just want a divorce. How much can a person take? He feels he is working on it by making menial efforts. He doesn't see how this makes me hate this entire situation and really feels I should be MORE understanding.

Thanks for reading all this. I feel intimacy in the marriage is some sort of twisted game for him. But because this is my first marriage, I want unbiased opinions first.

On a positive note, we are ok companion wise. Simply NOT intimately.

Submitted May 19, 2019 at 12:26PM

I want to stress this is a last resort before divorce. (Unbiased opinions) This is my first marriage and I'm at my wits end. As a disclaimer, I have directly and respectfully with no animosity asked was he still attracted to me, if he is unhappy, if there is something I have done to make him no longer desire me, if he has changed his mind even on the marriage. He said no across the board!!! I gave him a complete opportunity to not feel trapped or unhappy in the marriage with no hard feelings at all!I love my husband very much but sex has been a point of contention since we started living together. Prior to as boyfriend and girlfriend, we had sex everytime we saw each other. I assumed we would have a great sex life always.Once under the same roof things took a turn. We didn't have intimacy and he seemed to care less and less. I couldn't figure out the problem but I wanted to stay positive. After a few health issues were resolved (something he needed to handle) we had sex maybe once a year. We have been a total of 5 years living together.I expressed my concerns last year prior to us getting married on the lack of intimacy. I was not mean nor sarcastic. I lovingly told him sex is important and to please figure out why he didn't want sex. He decided his testosterone was low. This was after his own research on google. He says he wanted sex but couldn't get an erection. I said ok fine. I wanted a doctor's confirmation so I suggested it without any opinion from me at all and he agreed. But there wasn't a doctor's appointment available until after the day we were to get married. Despite our issues I went forth with it. We got married and his appointment was a week later. There was zero intimacy on our wedding night. I felt numb but remained positive.The doctor told him he needed to start by losing weight. My husband continued to eat unhealthy foods and I became more resentful. I couldn't understand why he wasn't taking this seriously! I missed my husband and he knew my feelings yet would become angry if I addressed it. It's as if he wanted me to exist sexless on his terms. I still to this day can't wrap my head around it.After a few months he finally decided to purchase supplements from GNC and casually work on his weight. He asked me to sign him back up at a gym but once I paid for it he didn't go one time. He created excuses to not go and again I am privately resentful. He told me about 3 weeks ago to put the membership on vacation hold. Then a few weeks later suggested a gym totally out of his way but this didn't make sense to me because there is a gym 60 seconds from his job. When I addressed this he said well it was a thought.My husband has now lost a few pounds with a change in his diet but still no sex. He found viagara from a coworker friend and we had sex one time last year in October. I since have been pissed and angry because he is halfway taking his supplements. When I called him out that he still had days of supplements left in a bottle he purchased 2 months prior which was a 30 day supply, he started taking them again. However since he figures I am not paying attention he has stopped.I am tired of this! I am 40, and want sex. I am considering cheating although he says that isn't right since we are married. YES OUT OF FRUSTRATION I TOLD HIM he is pushing me to infidelity due to his passivity in resolving his situation.There is no kissing maybe a lingering soft peck here and there but that is it. He says performing oral on me isn't comfortable for him because he will then want sex and he can't. I am literally receiving no intimacy.Please help. Because we celebrate our 1st anniversary in a few weeks but honestly I just want a divorce. How much can a person take? He feels he is working on it by making menial efforts. He doesn't see how this makes me hate this entire situation and really feels I should be MORE understanding.Thanks for reading all this. I feel intimacy in the marriage is some sort of twisted game for him. But because this is my first marriage, I want unbiased opinions first.On a positive note, we are ok companion wise. Simply NOT intimately.