How can I help my husband be more confident after having kids?

I  am 30 years old and have a one month old baby. I've been married almost 6 years, and had always dreaming about having one with my first crush at age 7. I thought about having kids long and hard, thought about pros and cons and finally decided to try and have a kid. My husband however had never been as sure. We tried for three years and nothing happened. We ended up going to the doctors where I had to have IVF due to infertility. I wanted kids because:

• I wanted life to be richer and not easier.

• My life had become stagnant and the usual outings with friends, traveling, work etc were not fulfilling me anymore.

• I didn't think there was any competing interests that having a kid would get in the way of  

• This decision came down to two binary choices - have kids or don't have kids - and I couldn't see myself being strong enough in the decision to not have kids. I knew it was a leap of faith and I always saw it as my #1 dream. I wasn't going to let infertility stop me.

• I went into it with a very very open mind, more as a life experience than a preconceived dream.

Since I got pregnant after my 17th round, I felt a very strong love toward my unborn child. This carried throughout pregnancy - I also felt that the discomforts of pregnancy are overstated and the feeling of bliss and love is understated - just my experience.

Since my baby was born, I haven't doubted my decision for one second. Almost immediately, I knew that I wanted a second baby. I know this is impossible without IVF so won't likely happen as I'm getting too old. Having a baby has been my proudest moment and most fufilling job. I absolutely enjoy the pain of breastfeeding. There might be challenges as my child grows up, but the love I have for him, and the joy of interacting with him and even just looking at him, outweighs everything. I would do anything for him and anything seems worth it.

It should be noted that I was always in a state where I was ready to put aside my own life for the sake of my child's, always felt financially stable, but never had a partner who loved me like my husband. Well, also that unprotected sex in the past never got me pregnant with exes.

Nothing has changed for me since having a kid. I sleep the same. I feel the same expect 100x more happier. I have no stress. I got a promotion at work and now earn more money than before having a child. I'm not in debt from IVF as I was fortunate enough to get free treatment with the NHS and Oxford. I feel like im on top of the world which I didn't feel before having a kid. We still have the same amount of sex and I still give my husband equal attention.

My husband was a fence sitter with a strong notion to have kids because of me. He doesn't feel confident enough though in his dad duties. Hes amazing but he doesnt feel it no matter what I do or say. He's read all the parenting books.

I don't want this to break him. I want him to be stress free like me. I want to help him. What can I do?

Submitted May 19, 2019 at 03:15PM

I  am 30 years old and have a one month old baby. I've been married almost 6 years, and had always dreaming about having one with my first crush at age 7. I thought about having kids long and hard, thought about pros and cons and finally decided to try and have a kid. My husband however had never been as sure. We tried for three years and nothing happened. We ended up going to the doctors where I had to have IVF due to infertility. I wanted kids because:I wanted life to be richer and not easier.My life had become stagnant and the usual outings with friends, traveling, work etc were not fulfilling me anymore.I didn't think there was any competing interests that having a kid would get in the way of  This decision came down to two binary choices - have kids or don't have kids - and I couldn't see myself being strong enough in the decision to not have kids. I knew it was a leap of faith and I always saw it as my #1 dream. I wasn't going to let infertility stop me.I went into it with a very very open mind, more as a life experience than a preconceived dream.Since I got pregnant after my 17th round, I felt a very strong love toward my unborn child. This carried throughout pregnancy - I also felt that the discomforts of pregnancy are overstated and the feeling of bliss and love is understated - just my experience.Since my baby was born, I haven't doubted my decision for one second. Almost immediately, I knew that I wanted a second baby. I know this is impossible without IVF so won't likely happen as I'm getting too old. Having a baby has been my proudest moment and most fufilling job. I absolutely enjoy the pain of breastfeeding. There might be challenges as my child grows up, but the love I have for him, and the joy of interacting with him and even just looking at him, outweighs everything. I would do anything for him and anything seems worth it.It should be noted that I was always in a state where I was ready to put aside my own life for the sake of my child's, always felt financially stable, but never had a partner who loved me like my husband. Well, also that unprotected sex in the past never got me pregnant with exes.Nothing has changed for me since having a kid. I sleep the same. I feel the same expect 100x more happier. I have no stress. I got a promotion at work and now earn more money than before having a child. I'm not in debt from IVF as I was fortunate enough to get free treatment with the NHS and Oxford. I feel like im on top of the world which I didn't feel before having a kid. We still have the same amount of sex and I still give my husband equal attention.My husband was a fence sitter with a strong notion to have kids because of me. He doesn't feel confident enough though in his dad duties. Hes amazing but he doesnt feel it no matter what I do or say. He's read all the parenting books.I don't want this to break him. I want him to be stress free like me. I want to help him. What can I do?