I’m a messed up person.

After false loving so much people how do you know if they are your other half or soul mate when they eventually leave or you leave them and you finally figure out maybe their are not the one. You realized that you are either easily deceived by yourself or others. Maybe they are the one for you. How do you know? Will you find this person or is it a lie and like my mother told me you only have yourself in the end and only you and you alone can make yourself happy. There is no such thing as true love and thats what I learned in my 21 years and I know I’m still young but I know I will never change , I haven’t experienced it myself but maybe it is out there, but i know most people never reach that point in life to find it. I don’t think I ever will find that but there’s a chance. I highly doubt it because I screw everything up. You say to yourself are you the problem or is it the other person? You think you are caring but yet, You so cold and cruel. Why can you be so cruel yet loving and understanding at the same time? Am I just a fucked up person or am I incapable of actually living a happy peaceful life and capable of actually “loving ” someone ? You’ll just settle down in the end whether you’re happy or not and have this false hope of that everything is okay and you this false belief that you are happy. I will never be truly happy and I’m just going to have to except that. There is no one for you, so just live and do whatever makes you happy and as hard as it is ...experience. It’s hard to tell to whom deceive how you really think and for that I’m sorry I never meant to hurt you bc in the end I’m also hurting myself and it’s Who I am. One day you’ll figure it out but I do care for your happiness and well being but I hope I find myself.

Submitted May 20, 2019 at 07:52AM

After false loving so much people how do you know if they are your other half or soul mate when they eventually leave or you leave them and you finally figure out maybe their are not the one. You realized that you are either easily deceived by yourself or others. Maybe they are the one for you. How do you know? Will you find this person or is it a lie and like my mother told me you only have yourself in the end and only you and you alone can make yourself happy. There is no such thing as true love and thats what I learned in my 21 years and I know I’m still young but I know I will never change , I haven’t experienced it myself but maybe it is out there, but i know most people never reach that point in life to find it. I don’t think I ever will find that but there’s a chance. I highly doubt it because I screw everything up. You say to yourself are you the problem or is it the other person? You think you are caring but yet, You so cold and cruel. Why can you be so cruel yet loving and understanding at the same time? Am I just a fucked up person or am I incapable of actually living a happy peaceful life and capable of actually “loving ” someone ? You’ll just settle down in the end whether you’re happy or not and have this false hope of that everything is okay and you this false belief that you are happy. I will never be truly happy and I’m just going to have to except that. There is no one for you, so just live and do whatever makes you happy and as hard as it is ...experience. It’s hard to tell to whom deceive how you really think and for that I’m sorry I never meant to hurt you bc in the end I’m also hurting myself and it’s Who I am. One day you’ll figure it out but I do care for your happiness and well being but I hope I find myself.