New marriage and already feel done

My SO and I got married very recently (a little over 6 months ago) but we have been together for 5 years. Leading up to the wedding I felt myself really feeling serious doubts about our relationship but thought that it was due to planning stress. Ever since the wedding that feeling has grown and now I’m at the point where I feel completely done. It should be noted I have expressed these concerns and have asked him to help us get MC but nothings happening. Am I just being selfish or is there any chance of fixing this when I feel ready to be done with this relationship? Has anyone decided “I’m done” and and yet have come back from the brink? Here is some of the issues that we faced:

-His commenting on my weight. When we met, we were both in our early 20s and I was very very thin. After about two years together, with his help, I finally found the courage to see a psychiatrist to treat my life long anxiety/depression. Well the meds worked but they fucked with my appetite and metabolism and I gained 15-20 pounds. I’m tall so I’m in no way at an unhealthy weight but still larger than I was. He started making comments about how I should work out more and that I’ve gotten bigger which obvi upset me. It got to the point where I eventually had to really shout to get my point across that I eat healthy and work out and I am trying to be fit but that if he doesn’t have anything nice to say he should just keep it to himself which he agreed to. A few months ago he said it again which was so hurtful since I thought we had really come to an understanding that this was a trigger for me and something I was very sensitive about. It made me really feel like I couldn’t be vulnerable with him and that he couldn’t respect my wishes. This cut even deeper since on our wedding, I felt so lovely despite my recent weight gain and when we did our first look, he barely reacted. He just said oh hi and started talking about his groomsmen. Maybe I’m shallow but this really dampened the day for me. I can’t even look at those photos without feeling sad now.

-No sex. Even when we first started dating (when I was apparently still thin enough to be attractive). I have a high libido and he would constantly reject me for sex. For a while we did have okay sex but it faded as soon as I gained weight. It messed with my self esteem so so so badly and it carries over to my body image issues. We’ve discussed this so many times and it’s never been really resolved except that now I am no longer attracted to him due to the rejection. I have tried everything and asked him all sorts of probing questions and recently he admitted at my prompting that he masturbates every day. But he doesn’t ever want to have sex with me.

-Contempt. When we met we were both starting at new jobs and very entry level. He was quickly promoted to a leadership position which impressed me but as I later learned, the leadership position has basically no room for growth and pays poorly. He hates his job and complains all the time about it. I am very passionate about my field and I worked extremely hard to get to my current job and Take a lot of pride in my career. I want him to feel the same way and I’m always trying to help him unlock his potential. He gets excited about it and then there’s no follow through. He will tell me that he’s totally going to apply for job a, and that he’s totally going to explore job b, but nothing has ever come out of it. I am tired of pushing him about this!! I am his partner not his mother and his lack of drive is a huge turn off. It’s made me lose respect for him. Loss of respect has turned to contempt. I frequently find myself critiquing him and rolling my eyes. I’ve always felt like my friends have had reservations about him and now I see why.

So is this the trifecta of doom? I’m feeling like I don’t even want to plan any future trips with him. I can’t see my future with him at all.

Submitted April 14, 2019 at 02:23AM

My SO and I got married very recently (a little over 6 months ago) but we have been together for 5 years. Leading up to the wedding I felt myself really feeling serious doubts about our relationship but thought that it was due to planning stress. Ever since the wedding that feeling has grown and now I’m at the point where I feel completely done. It should be noted I have expressed these concerns and have asked him to help us get MC but nothings happening. Am I just being selfish or is there any chance of fixing this when I feel ready to be done with this relationship? Has anyone decided “I’m done” and and yet have come back from the brink? Here is some of the issues that we faced:-His commenting on my weight. When we met, we were both in our early 20s and I was very very thin. After about two years together, with his help, I finally found the courage to see a psychiatrist to treat my life long anxiety/depression. Well the meds worked but they fucked with my appetite and metabolism and I gained 15-20 pounds. I’m tall so I’m in no way at an unhealthy weight but still larger than I was. He started making comments about how I should work out more and that I’ve gotten bigger which obvi upset me. It got to the point where I eventually had to really shout to get my point across that I eat healthy and work out and I am trying to be fit but that if he doesn’t have anything nice to say he should just keep it to himself which he agreed to. A few months ago he said it again which was so hurtful since I thought we had really come to an understanding that this was a trigger for me and something I was very sensitive about. It made me really feel like I couldn’t be vulnerable with him and that he couldn’t respect my wishes. This cut even deeper since on our wedding, I felt so lovely despite my recent weight gain and when we did our first look, he barely reacted. He just said oh hi and started talking about his groomsmen. Maybe I’m shallow but this really dampened the day for me. I can’t even look at those photos without feeling sad now.-No sex. Even when we first started dating (when I was apparently still thin enough to be attractive). I have a high libido and he would constantly reject me for sex. For a while we did have okay sex but it faded as soon as I gained weight. It messed with my self esteem so so so badly and it carries over to my body image issues. We’ve discussed this so many times and it’s never been really resolved except that now I am no longer attracted to him due to the rejection. I have tried everything and asked him all sorts of probing questions and recently he admitted at my prompting that he masturbates every day. But he doesn’t ever want to have sex with me.-Contempt. When we met we were both starting at new jobs and very entry level. He was quickly promoted to a leadership position which impressed me but as I later learned, the leadership position has basically no room for growth and pays poorly. He hates his job and complains all the time about it. I am very passionate about my field and I worked extremely hard to get to my current job and Take a lot of pride in my career. I want him to feel the same way and I’m always trying to help him unlock his potential. He gets excited about it and then there’s no follow through. He will tell me that he’s totally going to apply for job a, and that he’s totally going to explore job b, but nothing has ever come out of it. I am tired of pushing him about this!! I am his partner not his mother and his lack of drive is a huge turn off. It’s made me lose respect for him. Loss of respect has turned to contempt. I frequently find myself critiquing him and rolling my eyes. I’ve always felt like my friends have had reservations about him and now I see why.So is this the trifecta of doom? I’m feeling like I don’t even want to plan any future trips with him. I can’t see my future with him at all.