Trying to seduce women through cold approach for the purpose of sex means you are not seeing them as human.

Yes I know. This is is not seddit but I want to ask your guys' opinion on this since there is a more diverse group of opinions here.

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I want to do cold approach style pickup, and I have been a seddit member for years. But I have low self esteem. I ask a lot of people for encouragement and help. When I ask single men, they are helpful, but when I ask women and non single people they are horrible. Like really mean.

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The general consensus is that hitting on women, for the purposes of sleeping with them, is bad. It makes them feel uncomfortable and unsafe. And it is harassment. Doing so means you don't think of them as people and you should stop, forget doing this, and just have women as friends, or date friends, or try online dating. Also get therapy because your low self esteem is bad.

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I have been doing a lot of thinking on this. And I don't think the people that say this quite get it. There are guys that are generally creepy, I get that. And they make the world shitty. But I don't think i am one of them. I care a lot about people. I ant them to feel safe. And I want them to feel happy. In addition consent and sex positivity are important to me.

In addition, I think the argument that trying to hit on them means you think they are less than people is complete bullshit. In fact, it is because they are people that it is ok to hit on them. You can talk to any other kind person just fine right? So why should a woman you like be any different? Several people in heterosexual relationships exist and they had to meet somehow. WE were all strangers once. I also think that laden within the discourse about this is a bit of slut shaming. What if a woman wants to be picked up and get laid? They get hella shamed for that so aren't i doing them a favor by learning this skill and coming to them? And I know there are women that just want to mind their business and not be bothered. And, if you can get good at this, you can learn to read the cues and avoid them.

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If anything getting on women is practically a moral obligation. Here me out. If more men did this, we would learn to be better at it. We would be less needy. And be better matched to women that liked us. We would take rejection better, since there is always another woman. And we would get into relationships because we really really liked the person. Not because we are desperate.

And I get it. I really do. We often imagine men that want to do this as assholes. And referring to women in horrible ways. Or being entitled. I see these men in some of the circles i am in. Many are salty. Many are hurt. Many want revenge. And that isn't ok. And many or oblivious . Many don't empathize with women and don't care that they are doing , if done wrong, could hurt them. And the assholes that fuck it up are the ones people think about. They are the most numerous. And the most scary. And I get it. But I don't think that is all guys. I actually think that women love guys that are good at hitting on them. Not because they have been successful, but guys that i know that are good often have really good women friends in their lives. I think it is the lack of neediness that does it. And the fact that they are more authentic.

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Anway. For many of us, and especially me. There is no other option than to go out and talk to women. Online dating is viable but time consuming and frustrating. It is one or the other. And I can still online date but not look soley to that. I could ask my "female friends" but honestly I don't think i have many close friends. Most adults don't. Many are married or unavailable and the ones that are single have already rejected me. Now this nags on my self esteem but it isn't the case that women get to know me very well and ask me on dates. Honestly, I think i have and unnattractive personality. I don't know why. But it isn't something I can rely on.

So that leaves cold approaching. But my self esteem is so low beause of this. Everytime i try to talk to a women I think of the thousands of accouns and people that have yelled at me not to and I hesitate. And then I feel super shitty. And it just gets to me.

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And here is the thing. Its really really really getting to me. I make myself sick sometimes and can't sleep. It effects my work. Its just super toxic. And that is the thing I want to ask to solve. It isn't how to go out and meet women. I'll ask seddit or a dating coach for that. It is how to not hate yourself for wanting to go out and meet women.

Submitted May 05, 2019 at 02:25AM

Yes I know. This is is not seddit but I want to ask your guys' opinion on this since there is a more diverse group of opinions here.​I want to do cold approach style pickup, and I have been a seddit member for years. But I have low self esteem. I ask a lot of people for encouragement and help. When I ask single men, they are helpful, but when I ask women and non single people they are horrible. Like really mean.​The general consensus is that hitting on women, for the purposes of sleeping with them, is bad. It makes them feel uncomfortable and unsafe. And it is harassment. Doing so means you don't think of them as people and you should stop, forget doing this, and just have women as friends, or date friends, or try online dating. Also get therapy because your low self esteem is bad.​I have been doing a lot of thinking on this. And I don't think the people that say this quite get it. There are guys that are generally creepy, I get that. And they make the world shitty. But I don't think i am one of them. I care a lot about people. I ant them to feel safe. And I want them to feel happy. In addition consent and sex positivity are important to me.In addition, I think the argument that trying to hit on them means you think they are less than people is complete bullshit. In fact, it is because they are people that it is ok to hit on them. You can talk to any other kind person just fine right? So why should a woman you like be any different? Several people in heterosexual relationships exist and they had to meet somehow. WE were all strangers once. I also think that laden within the discourse about this is a bit of slut shaming. What if a woman wants to be picked up and get laid? They get hella shamed for that so aren't i doing them a favor by learning this skill and coming to them? And I know there are women that just want to mind their business and not be bothered. And, if you can get good at this, you can learn to read the cues and avoid them.​If anything getting on women is practically a moral obligation. Here me out. If more men did this, we would learn to be better at it. We would be less needy. And be better matched to women that liked us. We would take rejection better, since there is always another woman. And we would get into relationships because we really really liked the person. Not because we are desperate.And I get it. I really do. We often imagine men that want to do this as assholes. And referring to women in horrible ways. Or being entitled. I see these men in some of the circles i am in. Many are salty. Many are hurt. Many want revenge. And that isn't ok. And many or oblivious . Many don't empathize with women and don't care that they are doing , if done wrong, could hurt them. And the assholes that fuck it up are the ones people think about. They are the most numerous. And the most scary. And I get it. But I don't think that is all guys. I actually think that women love guys that are good at hitting on them. Not because they have been successful, but guys that i know that are good often have really good women friends in their lives. I think it is the lack of neediness that does it. And the fact that they are more authentic.​Anway. For many of us, and especially me. There is no other option than to go out and talk to women. Online dating is viable but time consuming and frustrating. It is one or the other. And I can still online date but not look soley to that. I could ask my "female friends" but honestly I don't think i have many close friends. Most adults don't. Many are married or unavailable and the ones that are single have already rejected me. Now this nags on my self esteem but it isn't the case that women get to know me very well and ask me on dates. Honestly, I think i have and unnattractive personality. I don't know why. But it isn't something I can rely on.So that leaves cold approaching. But my self esteem is so low beause of this. Everytime i try to talk to a women I think of the thousands of accouns and people that have yelled at me not to and I hesitate. And then I feel super shitty. And it just gets to me.​And here is the thing. Its really really really getting to me. I make myself sick sometimes and can't sleep. It effects my work. Its just super toxic. And that is the thing I want to ask to solve. It isn't how to go out and meet women. I'll ask seddit or a dating coach for that. It is how to not hate yourself for wanting to go out and meet women.