An honest conversation - Do NOT read if you are hopeful about relationships.

Interesting conversation last night.

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Background - I went on a date. We were both smart and attractive but neither of us felt anything for the other...so I said it, he agreed and I left.

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Then.....

I went to another bar and started talking with a guy who was in a 3 year relationship but wanted to cheat (he was waiting to get his gf to a place where she'd agree to let him cheat). I asked him what if opening that door ruins the relationship and hypothetically he never finds anyone that loves him again. He said he'd always find someone. He said he could be single, date a new girl every month and be happy. I said it didn't sound like he loved her. He said he did. He said they have been talking about marriage, she wanted to get married and he'd probably marry her but he'd always want other women (and he pressuring her to have three-ways or give him a "hall pass", etc).

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I asked him if he'd considered himself shallow. He was taken back, considered and said....by my definition [that he has a wall around his emotions and is unable to feel deeply and therefore, unable to connect with people] yes.....but by his definition [only caring about looks, and not treating people equally, etc.] no. He said most guys are like him (always wanting to cheat) but very few say it.

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I said, I've been noticing men see to hit a sudden urge to get married and then marry whatever girl is closest. He said this was true. When guys feel the urge to marry they will marry whoever is willing at that time in their life to marry them. He said the reason people marry and stay together is their willingness to settle. Their willingness to stop looking.

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He said after getting married many of his friends told him it was like sleeping with a sibling. His friends told him it was like they knew too much and lost the part that interested them. It was weird and uninteresting and uncomfortable. He said it was getting this way with his gf of three years which is why he wanted to get her to let him cheat.

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Not a fun night but an honest one.

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My thoughts - For our current time, I think a lot of what he said is true.... Probably a conditioning from society, that our generation of men (majority - not all) and the previous ones don't know how to feel a respectful genuine friendship with a woman and also make her a lover. I think women (not all) can see men as both (friend and lover) which is why (majority - not all) of women are interested in a committed marriage, and men (not all) are less interested in a committed marriage.

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What do you think?

Submitted May 04, 2019 at 06:37PM

Interesting conversation last night.​Background - I went on a date. We were both smart and attractive but neither of us felt anything for the other...so I said it, he agreed and I left.​Then.....I went to another bar and started talking with a guy who was in a 3 year relationship but wanted to cheat (he was waiting to get his gf to a place where she'd agree to let him cheat). I asked him what if opening that door ruins the relationship and hypothetically he never finds anyone that loves him again. He said he'd always find someone. He said he could be single, date a new girl every month and be happy. I said it didn't sound like he loved her. He said he did. He said they have been talking about marriage, she wanted to get married and he'd probably marry her but he'd always want other women (and he pressuring her to have three-ways or give him a "hall pass", etc).​I asked him if he'd considered himself shallow. He was taken back, considered and said....by my definition [that he has a wall around his emotions and is unable to feel deeply and therefore, unable to connect with people] yes.....but by his definition [only caring about looks, and not treating people equally, etc.] no. He said most guys are like him (always wanting to cheat) but very few say it.​I said, I've been noticing men see to hit a sudden urge to get married and then marry whatever girl is closest. He said this was true. When guys feel the urge to marry they will marry whoever is willing at that time in their life to marry them. He said the reason people marry and stay together is their willingness to settle. Their willingness to stop looking.​He said after getting married many of his friends told him it was like sleeping with a sibling. His friends told him it was like they knew too much and lost the part that interested them. It was weird and uninteresting and uncomfortable. He said it was getting this way with his gf of three years which is why he wanted to get her to let him cheat.​Not a fun night but an honest one.​My thoughts - For our current time, I think a lot of what he said is true.... Probably a conditioning from society, that our generation of men (majority - not all) and the previous ones don't know how to feel a respectful genuine friendship with a woman and also make her a lover. I think women (not all) can see men as both (friend and lover) which is why (majority - not all) of women are interested in a committed marriage, and men (not all) are less interested in a committed marriage.​What do you think?