Do I have a chance of living a good life? Is there any hope for me to live on?

I have always been an introvert. I’m shy but I don’t always show it. Instead, I fake it by acting like an extrovert. I don’t know if that makes me an ambivert. But sometimes I feel so uneasy and feel like I'm lying to myself.

I prefer staying at home alone than hanging out with friends, though once a while I’d like to hang out with them. Since young, I have never hung out with my friends anywhere outside of school because of my strict parents. Nowadays however, my parents are less strict when it comes to that but I have gotten accustomed to staying at home and enjoying my own company.

I do put in the effort to meet up with friends during semester breaks but they have always been too busy with something or other.I feel like I'm not as close to them as before. I have one good friend,but we've also grown apart.I blame this because of my university schedule. But I’m fine with it. I don’t mind being alone. But it makes me wonder whether I will ever meet someone who will love me. Will I be alone forever? I enjoy my own company but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.

I have always been skeptical about being able to find anyone who will love me. I’m a 5’5” (165cm) male, pretty scrawny 44 kg or 97 pounds. l. I am not that good-looking either (that is probably my self-esteem speaking) and I have a lisp. Literally everything is bad about me. Growing up, I’ve always been told that “you’re really short,” “you’re really dark”, “do you eat anything at all?” and that has really taken a toll on my self-esteem.

I know looks are not everything as they don’t last forever, and it’s what is inside that matters the most. And I know I should be grateful to not be born with any disabilities but from time to time, it does get to me.

But no matter what, many people will judge someone by their looks, even if some of them value attitude over looks. I am working on gaining weight. Other than that, I can’t change. Everywhere I go, I see girls dating bigger, taller and good-looking guys. And then there’s me, who is shorter than the average girl’s height. As the fake extrovert that I am, there is only a limit to how much I can fake being confident. I live in Malaysia,where there are three main races. The Malays, Chinese and Indians. I'm an indian. My race get discriminated. In this country the indians are labeled as the "criminals". It's just like how black people are "stereotyped". We're basically the asian black people...I like a Chinese girl in my class, we rarely talk. What if judge me on how I look?

I have never been in a relationship in my life. I am about to be 20 years old in a few months. My parents told me to date after I finish my studies. I kinda feel the same way cus I don't really want distractions, but university is the perfect place for me to get into a relationship, and once I leave there will not be many opportunities for me to meet people. And I feel like I should enjoy my university life by doing so, but I come from a poor family and I don't want to let them down. Even now I'm typing this in the computer lab *sigh*...just how pathetic can I get right? haha. I feel like giving up on life sometimes. I wonder why I was put here on Earth...to suffer? To succeed? Born just to a meaningless life then die?

*sigh*...alright I've talked enough about what is bad about me. A "Ying" has its "Yang" so I’m going to write about a few of my good qualities. I have a good sense of humour,a lot of patience. I try not to live in the past. I don't give up on people even if it's hopeless. I may be exaggerating a bit but I’m just saying these in the hopes that you think that these qualities can help me.

I feel really pathetic asking these questions but I’m desperate for some advice. I've you've managed to read through this atrocity I truly thank you 🙏 🙏 🙏

Forgive me for my bad English

Submitted May 05, 2019 at 07:01AM

I have always been an introvert. I’m shy but I don’t always show it. Instead, I fake it by acting like an extrovert. I don’t know if that makes me an ambivert. But sometimes I feel so uneasy and feel like I'm lying to myself.I prefer staying at home alone than hanging out with friends, though once a while I’d like to hang out with them. Since young, I have never hung out with my friends anywhere outside of school because of my strict parents. Nowadays however, my parents are less strict when it comes to that but I have gotten accustomed to staying at home and enjoying my own company.I do put in the effort to meet up with friends during semester breaks but they have always been too busy with something or other.I feel like I'm not as close to them as before. I have one good friend,but we've also grown apart.I blame this because of my university schedule. But I’m fine with it. I don’t mind being alone. But it makes me wonder whether I will ever meet someone who will love me. Will I be alone forever? I enjoy my own company but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.I have always been skeptical about being able to find anyone who will love me. I’m a 5’5” (165cm) male, pretty scrawny 44 kg or 97 pounds. l. I am not that good-looking either (that is probably my self-esteem speaking) and I have a lisp. Literally everything is bad about me. Growing up, I’ve always been told that “you’re really short,” “you’re really dark”, “do you eat anything at all?” and that has really taken a toll on my self-esteem.I know looks are not everything as they don’t last forever, and it’s what is inside that matters the most. And I know I should be grateful to not be born with any disabilities but from time to time, it does get to me.But no matter what, many people will judge someone by their looks, even if some of them value attitude over looks. I am working on gaining weight. Other than that, I can’t change. Everywhere I go, I see girls dating bigger, taller and good-looking guys. And then there’s me, who is shorter than the average girl’s height. As the fake extrovert that I am, there is only a limit to how much I can fake being confident. I live in Malaysia,where there are three main races. The Malays, Chinese and Indians. I'm an indian. My race get discriminated. In this country the indians are labeled as the "criminals". It's just like how black people are "stereotyped". We're basically the asian black people...I like a Chinese girl in my class, we rarely talk. What if judge me on how I look?I have never been in a relationship in my life. I am about to be 20 years old in a few months. My parents told me to date after I finish my studies. I kinda feel the same way cus I don't really want distractions, but university is the perfect place for me to get into a relationship, and once I leave there will not be many opportunities for me to meet people. And I feel like I should enjoy my university life by doing so, but I come from a poor family and I don't want to let them down. Even now I'm typing this in the computer lab *sigh*...just how pathetic can I get right? haha. I feel like giving up on life sometimes. I wonder why I was put here on Earth...to suffer? To succeed? Born just to a meaningless life then die?*sigh*...alright I've talked enough about what is bad about me. A "Ying" has its "Yang" so I’m going to write about a few of my good qualities. I have a good sense of humour,a lot of patience. I try not to live in the past. I don't give up on people even if it's hopeless. I may be exaggerating a bit but I’m just saying these in the hopes that you think that these qualities can help me.I feel really pathetic asking these questions but I’m desperate for some advice. I've you've managed to read through this atrocity I truly thank you 🙏 🙏 🙏Forgive me for my bad English