Another return to dating post

I'm not really sure how to ask this, and I'm sorry if I ramble or go on tangents. Please bear with me.

My question is basically:

  1. When I can consider myself "ready" to date. I know its very open ended, but anecdotes would be helpful or even simple points.

  2. How to express what I'm looking for without seeming too demanding. I just want to make it clear what my goals are, not that I'm looking for a specific type of person or that their goals have to align with mine 100%.

For background, most of my "dating" was in highschool, about 7 years ago, and I don't know how well that experience translates to mid 20s dating.

Without going into too much detail, I fell into a dark place, cut myself off socially, and I struggled a lot with myself in general. This started immediately after highschool/ first year of CC, and have only had a short relationship with one person since.

I know I am in a much much better place, and I'm still trying to improve myself. And that's the catch, I feel like I have no value because I'm trying to improve myself.

So I keep wondering, is it ok to find a partner even if I'm not the person I want to be yet? And in all honesty, part of my motivation is that it is difficult to support myself on my own and I'm also looking for someone I can depend on. In my mind that seems selfish/self serving and makes me hestitate on putting myself out there like that. Like, I would love to find someone who is in a similar position to mine so we can help each other, but it seems kind of fucked up to idealize something like that.

Thank you in advance for any advice, and I'll gladly clarify anything confusing. If it helps, I'm planning on using OLD like CMB or OKC, but I also want to try dating in person since I have the opportunity and is my preference.

Finally, please be as brutal towards me as necessary. I need it.



Submitted May 05, 2019 at 06:57AM

I'm not really sure how to ask this, and I'm sorry if I ramble or go on tangents. Please bear with me.My question is basically:When I can consider myself "ready" to date. I know its very open ended, but anecdotes would be helpful or even simple points.How to express what I'm looking for without seeming too demanding. I just want to make it clear what my goals are, not that I'm looking for a specific type of person or that their goals have to align with mine 100%.For background, most of my "dating" was in highschool, about 7 years ago, and I don't know how well that experience translates to mid 20s dating.Without going into too much detail, I fell into a dark place, cut myself off socially, and I struggled a lot with myself in general. This started immediately after highschool/ first year of CC, and have only had a short relationship with one person since.I know I am in a much much better place, and I'm still trying to improve myself. And that's the catch, I feel like I have no value because I'm trying to improve myself.So I keep wondering, is it ok to find a partner even if I'm not the person I want to be yet? And in all honesty, part of my motivation is that it is difficult to support myself on my own and I'm also looking for someone I can depend on. In my mind that seems selfish/self serving and makes me hestitate on putting myself out there like that. Like, I would love to find someone who is in a similar position to mine so we can help each other, but it seems kind of fucked up to idealize something like that.Thank you in advance for any advice, and I'll gladly clarify anything confusing. If it helps, I'm planning on using OLD like CMB or OKC, but I also want to try dating in person since I have the opportunity and is my preference.Finally, please be as brutal towards me as necessary. I need it.
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