I've been cheated on

Hey guys. I don't really know whether this is the right subreddit to telling this.

I'm going into detail as I need your help. Maybe it's not only about the cheating buy our relationship. Thank you for your time.

I met her in late 2017 when she moved in the same building. We started dating quite quickly but I really fell in love with her. Soon after she had to move out because her flatmate was being rude since she started seeing me and after 2 months only we moved together. The two of us are both kind of troubled. She, her ex-boyfriend, 2 years of self loathing and moving to another country (she's British, I'm German) and before we met she must have had a hard time. Cocaine frenzies and I don't know what. I am lacking big amounts of self confidence and trust in my abilities and I am generally struggling with life at work e.g. (I guess there's some ADHD and I need therapy). Well I never cared about her past, she's a beautiful girl. Although she changed due to her stress. Before I wouldn't have talked to her. Anyways...we started living together for a year and it was a fucking up and down. It was horrible. We were getting into physical fights. She hit me fist in the face. I also hit her. We were horrible. Reason is...she never learned to understand that I really love her. She couldn't believe. And therefore she kept me distant when I gave it all. I didn't feel good anymore and maybe most say I should have ended it. Maybe. But I always knew that she wasn't ok. I always knew that I love her. As we were both living abroad she eventually told me that she needs to stay at home. I had spent 5 years abroad and didn't see any perspective there so I moved back to Germany. Things got better. She's working home office so she can come over whenever. Last time with me she had to endure a falling out between me and my family. Which made it hard for her to enjoy anything. Well, on may 3rd I brought her to the airport as she had a team meeting with her company in France. The weekend she went home before. I knew that she was going to a party. While she was staying in France I had this odd feeling given the weird and scarce messages. Yesterday at work she called me...told me she had to confess something. It didn't come over her lips so I said what she was about saying. If it couldn't have been any worse...it was alcohol, coke and her ex-boyfriend. She said she barley remembers and that she could only think about where this guy has been everywhere before (she's getting tested). I haven't seen her so truly down in a while. She's crying, hating herself and wants me to leave her. And not. She said it was because of all the stress, the worries and arguements, also the situation at my place. She sought relief in taking the cocaine. What she didn't know was that that the guy was last minute inviting himself to the place she stayed (it's all mutual friends). I don't know what happened there. And how. All I know is she is swearing that she ran away crying just after. I know her that much to believe it. I trust her. He just used her situation. Although I'm not excusing it.

I am a fool and romantic (let aside my dark side, my violent side. I know I need therapy) and I love her so much. I've told her the deepest worries of myself, my most private thoughts. She loves me to bits but struggles with believing in us. In herself. She's not sure whether she wants to live in Germany although she likes it and our particular habits (so she says). I'd move to England in the blink of an eye yet I'm tied to a crucial 1 year contract in the field I studied for. After that my chances increase a lot to find work in the UK or wherever. So we have options.

But here I am. it hurts so much knowing. I don't know how to get images out of my head. But I love her. She's unforgiving to herself. She's been forgiving me so much. This time I need to be strong and show her that I can forgive, too. It's just a different level. Or not. I can't think of throwing it all away because of that. It was not cheating for the heck of it. She actually humiliated herself and is furious about it.

What I don't know is what's coming next. She's going to fly in soon. I'm afraid. I want to be with her so much.

Submitted May 14, 2019 at 06:10AM

Hey guys. I don't really know whether this is the right subreddit to telling this.I'm going into detail as I need your help. Maybe it's not only about the cheating buy our relationship. Thank you for your time.I met her in late 2017 when she moved in the same building. We started dating quite quickly but I really fell in love with her. Soon after she had to move out because her flatmate was being rude since she started seeing me and after 2 months only we moved together. The two of us are both kind of troubled. She, her ex-boyfriend, 2 years of self loathing and moving to another country (she's British, I'm German) and before we met she must have had a hard time. Cocaine frenzies and I don't know what. I am lacking big amounts of self confidence and trust in my abilities and I am generally struggling with life at work e.g. (I guess there's some ADHD and I need therapy). Well I never cared about her past, she's a beautiful girl. Although she changed due to her stress. Before I wouldn't have talked to her. Anyways...we started living together for a year and it was a fucking up and down. It was horrible. We were getting into physical fights. She hit me fist in the face. I also hit her. We were horrible. Reason is...she never learned to understand that I really love her. She couldn't believe. And therefore she kept me distant when I gave it all. I didn't feel good anymore and maybe most say I should have ended it. Maybe. But I always knew that she wasn't ok. I always knew that I love her. As we were both living abroad she eventually told me that she needs to stay at home. I had spent 5 years abroad and didn't see any perspective there so I moved back to Germany. Things got better. She's working home office so she can come over whenever. Last time with me she had to endure a falling out between me and my family. Which made it hard for her to enjoy anything. Well, on may 3rd I brought her to the airport as she had a team meeting with her company in France. The weekend she went home before. I knew that she was going to a party. While she was staying in France I had this odd feeling given the weird and scarce messages. Yesterday at work she called me...told me she had to confess something. It didn't come over her lips so I said what she was about saying. If it couldn't have been any worse...it was alcohol, coke and her ex-boyfriend. She said she barley remembers and that she could only think about where this guy has been everywhere before (she's getting tested). I haven't seen her so truly down in a while. She's crying, hating herself and wants me to leave her. And not. She said it was because of all the stress, the worries and arguements, also the situation at my place. She sought relief in taking the cocaine. What she didn't know was that that the guy was last minute inviting himself to the place she stayed (it's all mutual friends). I don't know what happened there. And how. All I know is she is swearing that she ran away crying just after. I know her that much to believe it. I trust her. He just used her situation. Although I'm not excusing it.I am a fool and romantic (let aside my dark side, my violent side. I know I need therapy) and I love her so much. I've told her the deepest worries of myself, my most private thoughts. She loves me to bits but struggles with believing in us. In herself. She's not sure whether she wants to live in Germany although she likes it and our particular habits (so she says). I'd move to England in the blink of an eye yet I'm tied to a crucial 1 year contract in the field I studied for. After that my chances increase a lot to find work in the UK or wherever. So we have options.But here I am. it hurts so much knowing. I don't know how to get images out of my head. But I love her. She's unforgiving to herself. She's been forgiving me so much. This time I need to be strong and show her that I can forgive, too. It's just a different level. Or not. I can't think of throwing it all away because of that. It was not cheating for the heck of it. She actually humiliated herself and is furious about it.What I don't know is what's coming next. She's going to fly in soon. I'm afraid. I want to be with her so much.