I need help: summer apart with a 22f who only uses snapchat, and it makes me feel extremely distant.

I (28m) met her at school and we got to know each other well enough to make a commitment over the summer (about 4h distance) to one another.

However... She's back at her extremely Catholic home and doesn't want to stir the pot: i.e. I'm not going to be visiting and it's a little unclear if we'll be able to see each other at all, either illicitly or within the boundaries of her parents permission.

On top of that, though I don't mind using Snapchat, I asked if we could video chat a bit and it sounds like, again bc she doesn't want to make my presence known, even that could be very limited.

I wanna be able to come home from work and talk to her a little about my day. It's not a trust thing: I trust that we're each honoring our commitment. It's more than I need a little more intimacy and I feel like A LOT of conversation over text is just not clicking, and it makes me feel horrible. Like every time I try to talk a little bit more deeply it's just not happening, and I start to question whether the connection I felt IRL was real. These texts/snaps just feel so shallow. Like a lot of one off exchanges of information that doesn't lead anywhere substantive.

And I can't tell: does she enjoy these conversations or is she just as bored as me? I had LITERALLY never used Snapchat before: maybe that's just par for the course. 6 years isn't that much but it almost feels like a generational divide.

I can survive the summer, but this is bringing up other questions: we both graduate by New year's, and if things go well I'd like us to start considering coordinating our job searches (we both work jobs that can be found anywhere) and looking into moving in.

But if she can't even acknowledge (at 22) my existence to her parents I feel very nervous that she's going to be able to take another step towards logistical intimacy.

Submitted May 14, 2019 at 01:51AM

I (28m) met her at school and we got to know each other well enough to make a commitment over the summer (about 4h distance) to one another.However... She's back at her extremely Catholic home and doesn't want to stir the pot: i.e. I'm not going to be visiting and it's a little unclear if we'll be able to see each other at all, either illicitly or within the boundaries of her parents permission.On top of that, though I don't mind using Snapchat, I asked if we could video chat a bit and it sounds like, again bc she doesn't want to make my presence known, even that could be very limited.I wanna be able to come home from work and talk to her a little about my day. It's not a trust thing: I trust that we're each honoring our commitment. It's more than I need a little more intimacy and I feel like A LOT of conversation over text is just not clicking, and it makes me feel horrible. Like every time I try to talk a little bit more deeply it's just not happening, and I start to question whether the connection I felt IRL was real. These texts/snaps just feel so shallow. Like a lot of one off exchanges of information that doesn't lead anywhere substantive.And I can't tell: does she enjoy these conversations or is she just as bored as me? I had LITERALLY never used Snapchat before: maybe that's just par for the course. 6 years isn't that much but it almost feels like a generational divide.I can survive the summer, but this is bringing up other questions: we both graduate by New year's, and if things go well I'd like us to start considering coordinating our job searches (we both work jobs that can be found anywhere) and looking into moving in.But if she can't even acknowledge (at 22) my existence to her parents I feel very nervous that she's going to be able to take another step towards logistical intimacy.