Would I [28F] be overreacting about cutting my mom [55F] and potentially other members of my immediate family off for treating me like the forever-black sheep of our family?

**overreacting by

This might get long.

This past weekend my family and a few members of my extended family gathered for my sister's [21F] graduation from college. We went to dinner and the conversation veered to the usual topic of my greatest hits of being a "problem child". I'm used to this and it bothers me, but I wasn't going to make it tense by sticking up for myself.

For whatever reason though, my sister decided to tell the story of when I called the cops on my dad. When I was 16 I got into an especially heated argument with my parents (all sides yelling/shouting) and decided to have the last word with some swears. I stomped up to my room and slammed the door.

For my sisters, the story stops there and skips to my mom putting them in the car and then coming home to a cop car in the driveway. For me, the story continues with my dad storming up after me, pinning me down, and hitting me across the face several times.

I got up, called the cops, and it became a whole thing. It was certainly a traumatic incident and my dad and I went through a lot of therapy to work past it.

Needless to say, I was extremely thrown to hear my sister throw this out on the laundry list of me being a shitty kid in front of our family. It's very clear she was regurgitating the version my mom has told her and my mom even chimed in a few times.

I'm feeling very hurt. My sister doesn't know that my mom was having regular mental breakdowns at the time surrounding that incident and was likely scapegoating me for issues in her life. During this time I cared for my sister like my mom should have been, taking her to/from school, cooking dinner, and doing homework. My dad wasn't around much due to his job. I don't blame her for not remembering all of that because she was young, but I really didn't realize she recalls nothing of that.

I did have a temper, but I was largely a good kid. I had good grades, a group of friends, and didn't get into much trouble beyond going out to parties occasionally or missing curfew. But regardless, I've had a cloud over me since.

I'm 28 now, successful in my career so far and am fortunate to share my life with someone I plan on loving forever. My relationship with my family (mostly my mom) has long been strained by their characterization of me, but after this weekend I just feel broken over it. I keep thinking about the family that my SO and I want to start together in the not-so-near future and how I can't imagine sharing that with my family if they're going to treat me like this forever. Where can I go from here?

TL;dr - my family had some messed up years when I was a teen and I take the blame for the mayhem. I don't think I deserve the blame and don't know what to do with my relationship my family.

Submitted May 12, 2019 at 05:10AM

**overreacting byThis might get long.This past weekend my family and a few members of my extended family gathered for my sister's [21F] graduation from college. We went to dinner and the conversation veered to the usual topic of my greatest hits of being a "problem child". I'm used to this and it bothers me, but I wasn't going to make it tense by sticking up for myself.For whatever reason though, my sister decided to tell the story of when I called the cops on my dad. When I was 16 I got into an especially heated argument with my parents (all sides yelling/shouting) and decided to have the last word with some swears. I stomped up to my room and slammed the door.For my sisters, the story stops there and skips to my mom putting them in the car and then coming home to a cop car in the driveway. For me, the story continues with my dad storming up after me, pinning me down, and hitting me across the face several times.I got up, called the cops, and it became a whole thing. It was certainly a traumatic incident and my dad and I went through a lot of therapy to work past it.Needless to say, I was extremely thrown to hear my sister throw this out on the laundry list of me being a shitty kid in front of our family. It's very clear she was regurgitating the version my mom has told her and my mom even chimed in a few times.I'm feeling very hurt. My sister doesn't know that my mom was having regular mental breakdowns at the time surrounding that incident and was likely scapegoating me for issues in her life. During this time I cared for my sister like my mom should have been, taking her to/from school, cooking dinner, and doing homework. My dad wasn't around much due to his job. I don't blame her for not remembering all of that because she was young, but I really didn't realize she recalls nothing of that.I did have a temper, but I was largely a good kid. I had good grades, a group of friends, and didn't get into much trouble beyond going out to parties occasionally or missing curfew. But regardless, I've had a cloud over me since.I'm 28 now, successful in my career so far and am fortunate to share my life with someone I plan on loving forever. My relationship with my family (mostly my mom) has long been strained by their characterization of me, but after this weekend I just feel broken over it. I keep thinking about the family that my SO and I want to start together in the not-so-near future and how I can't imagine sharing that with my family if they're going to treat me like this forever. Where can I go from here?TL;dr - my family had some messed up years when I was a teen and I take the blame for the mayhem. I don't think I deserve the blame and don't know what to do with my relationship my family.