All I Can Do Now Let Her Go

Forgive me for any typos, but I'm writing this with eyes filled with tears.

It's real. She's got a new address and plans to furnish it, has signed a lease, and, worst of all, has told our oldest son.

I can see the sadness in his eyes, and, he's surely seen the depths of hell in mine for these last few months. I'm not one of those guys who's afraid to let my emotions show. I wish I were, to be honest, because I'm a lost, lovelorn shell of the man (48) I was when this year began. Since then, I've lost close to thirty pounds, and had devoted myself to being the man she (41F) wanted for our eighteen years. It wasn't enough.

She's done.

After so many years of love every day, sleeping in the same bed for all but the last three months, two young children, and so much love it hurts, she's really leaving.

It's too much to bear sometimes but having heard her tell me she's not in love with me anymore no fewer than four times, and now that or son who's old enough to understand knows the truth and had hoped since mommy moved into the other room that we'd bet back together by now perhaps as much as I did, and now this, she's moving.

Twice today I overheard her humming songs. She's happy. Good for her.

I always told her I'd do anything for her. It seems like all I can do now is let her go.

Don't ask me what was done by whom or why she's leaving. Just know we had an understanding and she'd never told me the rules had changed until the balance had shifted.

We know we're both at fault, and that we could have communicated better, but there was no abuse, only some dumb choices on my part, but a situation which could have been saved if she'd told me how she felt.

I love her with all of my heart and want more than anything to save our marriage and grow old with her. She knows this. She doesn't feel the same anymore.

So it is with the heaviest of hearts that I surrender to her happiness, for, after all, she gave up her own happiness for many years to make me happy. I just wish she knew that I would have changed anything for her if it meant I could have remained her husband.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this other than because it hurts too much to keep bottled up. Judge me if you will, but I'm a broken man. I'm lost without her and can't believe our love is over.

Her mother told her not to close the door, and never know what the future holds, but that's about the only thing other than our children that I have left to hope for.

I will wake tomorrow and try harder to be the man I should have been for her, for my sons. That's all I can do now.

Im sorry, boys, that I wasn't able to fix things, but, maybe that seed her mother planted will take root and bring us all together again someday. Maybe living on her own won't be what she had hoped after decades of being with a man who cooks and cleans, does the laundry, grocery shopping, landscaping, repairs and is a great dad. These are the thoughts I cling to but see it in her eyes, she's looking forward to being without me.

Yet I love her still. And still I hope for my own sake and yours.

Tl;Dr My wife leaving me after nineteen years and two kids and I'm devastated and needed to share my pain.

Submitted May 12, 2019 at 05:29AM

Forgive me for any typos, but I'm writing this with eyes filled with tears.It's real. She's got a new address and plans to furnish it, has signed a lease, and, worst of all, has told our oldest son.I can see the sadness in his eyes, and, he's surely seen the depths of hell in mine for these last few months. I'm not one of those guys who's afraid to let my emotions show. I wish I were, to be honest, because I'm a lost, lovelorn shell of the man (48) I was when this year began. Since then, I've lost close to thirty pounds, and had devoted myself to being the man she (41F) wanted for our eighteen years. It wasn't enough.She's done.After so many years of love every day, sleeping in the same bed for all but the last three months, two young children, and so much love it hurts, she's really leaving.It's too much to bear sometimes but having heard her tell me she's not in love with me anymore no fewer than four times, and now that or son who's old enough to understand knows the truth and had hoped since mommy moved into the other room that we'd bet back together by now perhaps as much as I did, and now this, she's moving.Twice today I overheard her humming songs. She's happy. Good for her.I always told her I'd do anything for her. It seems like all I can do now is let her go.Don't ask me what was done by whom or why she's leaving. Just know we had an understanding and she'd never told me the rules had changed until the balance had shifted.We know we're both at fault, and that we could have communicated better, but there was no abuse, only some dumb choices on my part, but a situation which could have been saved if she'd told me how she felt.I love her with all of my heart and want more than anything to save our marriage and grow old with her. She knows this. She doesn't feel the same anymore.So it is with the heaviest of hearts that I surrender to her happiness, for, after all, she gave up her own happiness for many years to make me happy. I just wish she knew that I would have changed anything for her if it meant I could have remained her husband.I don't even know why I'm sharing this other than because it hurts too much to keep bottled up. Judge me if you will, but I'm a broken man. I'm lost without her and can't believe our love is over.Her mother told her not to close the door, and never know what the future holds, but that's about the only thing other than our children that I have left to hope for.I will wake tomorrow and try harder to be the man I should have been for her, for my sons. That's all I can do now.Im sorry, boys, that I wasn't able to fix things, but, maybe that seed her mother planted will take root and bring us all together again someday. Maybe living on her own won't be what she had hoped after decades of being with a man who cooks and cleans, does the laundry, grocery shopping, landscaping, repairs and is a great dad. These are the thoughts I cling to but see it in her eyes, she's looking forward to being without me.Yet I love her still. And still I hope for my own sake and yours.Tl;Dr My wife leaving me after nineteen years and two kids and I'm devastated and needed to share my pain.