Boyfriend (M27) wants to have a marriage contract with only a sole clause that addresses adultery. Am I (F26) wrong to feel hurt?

He has had two exes cheat on him before and says he has emotional baggage related to that. On the other hand, he reassured me that he trusts me, except that "you never know what you can't control in the future".

See, I would have been okay if he had just wanted a regular prenup, but he specifically stated that he just wants one clause only that addresses adultery. I honestly feel pretty hurt because this to me indicates a lack of trust on this one issue in particular. I have never had a history of cheating. He knows my laptop and phone passcodes. We share live locations on Google maps 24/7. We've been together 1.5 years and are currently living together.

I understand that past trauma leaves scars but I think it's unfair for him to let that sabotage his current relationship. This is totally left field for me as he had said earlier in our relationship that he wouldn't want a prenup.

I should add that he is a lawyer by profession and has heard his fair share of family law horror stories. But again, I understand vicarious trauma but it is not okay to transfer that onto us.

When I started to look really upset in response to his comments and started tearing up, he became pretty frustrated saying that he supported me through my own emotional baggage and this is just his. Any attempt I made to explain why I felt hurt was knocked down. He said I was being defensive. Is it not okay for me to feel hurt? To me, a marriage is based on trust and faith - the fact that he'll be coming into the marriage with this crack in that faith is just a non-starter.

Sometimes it's really, really hard to get through to him and I feel like I'm crazy for feeling the way I feel. I just need some perspective here.

TLDR We were discussing marriage and boyfriend suddenly brings up wanting a marriage contract that addresses cheating. He got upset when I expressed that I was hurt by this. Am I wrong to feel this way?



Submitted May 12, 2019 at 05:26AM

He has had two exes cheat on him before and says he has emotional baggage related to that. On the other hand, he reassured me that he trusts me, except that "you never know what you can't control in the future".See, I would have been okay if he had just wanted a regular prenup, but he specifically stated that he just wants one clause only that addresses adultery. I honestly feel pretty hurt because this to me indicates a lack of trust on this one issue in particular. I have never had a history of cheating. He knows my laptop and phone passcodes. We share live locations on Google maps 24/7. We've been together 1.5 years and are currently living together.I understand that past trauma leaves scars but I think it's unfair for him to let that sabotage his current relationship. This is totally left field for me as he had said earlier in our relationship that he wouldn't want a prenup.I should add that he is a lawyer by profession and has heard his fair share of family law horror stories. But again, I understand vicarious trauma but it is not okay to transfer that onto us.When I started to look really upset in response to his comments and started tearing up, he became pretty frustrated saying that he supported me through my own emotional baggage and this is just his. Any attempt I made to explain why I felt hurt was knocked down. He said I was being defensive. Is it not okay for me to feel hurt? To me, a marriage is based on trust and faith - the fact that he'll be coming into the marriage with this crack in that faith is just a non-starter.Sometimes it's really, really hard to get through to him and I feel like I'm crazy for feeling the way I feel. I just need some perspective here.TLDR We were discussing marriage and boyfriend suddenly brings up wanting a marriage contract that addresses cheating. He got upset when I expressed that I was hurt by this. Am I wrong to feel this way?
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