I'm [52F] engaged but can't help but feel that me and my fiancé [50M] are settling for each other

I'm an American living abroad in a Scandinavian country. I moved here seven years ago. I met a guy, Leif, through work. We started off as friends then friends with benefits which eventually turned into full on dating. He proposed to me in January and I accepted. However, I can't help but feel we are just settling for each other.

Leif was in an accident when he was younger and as a result the left side of his face, shoulder, and arm are disfigured. He grew up being shunned and mocked for it. This has caused him to be quite withdrawn and alienated from society.

I was adopted and raised in a "Ye Old Way" cult type of religion. Abusive father, stepford wife mother. Broke free as soon as I turn 18 but was very unprepared for the real world. Went looking for my birth mother but found out she was dead. Mental + physical pain from an undiagnosed health issue drove me to commit suicide. I survived, went to therapy, and got treatment for my health issue, but still rather depressed.

Leif has never had a real relationship before. I've also been unlucky in the romance department. 90% of men rejected me. The ones who didn't either cheated on me or abused me. So we are two losers who are going to get married because this is the only chance we'll get. We both probably thought we'd died alone but here's our small glimmer of hope. That's how I feel. And he's settling more. If he wasn't disfigured, there's no way he'd be with me.

I do love him though. But I also realize we were only brought together based on the fact that he's a freak and I'm a basket case.

I guess my question is how can I be happy for myself? How can I be happy that I'm engaged despite knowing the ugly truth surrounding it?

TL;DR I believe my fiancé and I are just settling for each other because of our backgrounds, want to be happy anyway

Submitted May 12, 2019 at 05:42AM

I'm an American living abroad in a Scandinavian country. I moved here seven years ago. I met a guy, Leif, through work. We started off as friends then friends with benefits which eventually turned into full on dating. He proposed to me in January and I accepted. However, I can't help but feel we are just settling for each other.Leif was in an accident when he was younger and as a result the left side of his face, shoulder, and arm are disfigured. He grew up being shunned and mocked for it. This has caused him to be quite withdrawn and alienated from society.I was adopted and raised in a "Ye Old Way" cult type of religion. Abusive father, stepford wife mother. Broke free as soon as I turn 18 but was very unprepared for the real world. Went looking for my birth mother but found out she was dead. Mental + physical pain from an undiagnosed health issue drove me to commit suicide. I survived, went to therapy, and got treatment for my health issue, but still rather depressed.Leif has never had a real relationship before. I've also been unlucky in the romance department. 90% of men rejected me. The ones who didn't either cheated on me or abused me. So we are two losers who are going to get married because this is the only chance we'll get. We both probably thought we'd died alone but here's our small glimmer of hope. That's how I feel. And he's settling more. If he wasn't disfigured, there's no way he'd be with me.I do love him though. But I also realize we were only brought together based on the fact that he's a freak and I'm a basket case.I guess my question is how can I be happy for myself? How can I be happy that I'm engaged despite knowing the ugly truth surrounding it?TL;DR I believe my fiancé and I are just settling for each other because of our backgrounds, want to be happy anyway