/u/blackandwhitepaint on Seeking understanding

Just because you used sex as a way to get close to someone doesn't really have any bearing on your sexuality. Do you feel a sexual attraction from the get go? After emotional bonding? Or none at all? This is what this ace gray stuff is about. Not how high your libido levels are, or what you enjoy or don't enjoy in bed. It's about attraction. Whether you WANT to do stuff to them and with them.

Are there lines that should not be crossed, such as groping or deeply passionate kissing, or is that just something we'll have to suss out together?

This is not about asexuality - all such acts of physical intimacy do need to be discussed before you start doing them to lay down the rules. So yes, you need to have this talk in detail and probably do some trial and error.

Second, sex can be great, when done right. Is there any good way to get to that point with him? Things to try first before plunging in, as it were? It's been a very long time since I've been in any relationship where sex wasn't expected almost right off the bat (20 years or so).

Again, this is a conversation you need to have together. You could try expanding your definition of sex: intimate cuddling, kissing, naked touching, petting, etc. It doesn't have to be a race toward orgasm, either real or fake.

Honestly it sounds like you might need to worry more about what you need from him. You enjoy sex and he doesn't seem to see the necessity. You will need to be very honest about what your limits and needs are.





May 12, 2019 at 05:38AM
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