I (25/f) need to advice on whether I should send this to my estranged step father (50+M)

Just a bit of context: he sexually abuse me when I was 11. Turned my family against me to make me lie on the stand. Adamantly denied the abuse. I had to live with him for years after. He ended up cheating on my mom. Left her. Got married to his third wife. I have no idea what he has done after that.

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Email:

Im writing this because I guess that my history has caught up to me and has completely left me all at the same time. 

I'm 25 now, going on 26. My adult head has grown in, and I've been able to think about things in a more adult manner. I'm no longer the teenage, "let's smoke weed and play guitar" person that you had to put up with. I'm no longer the lost, stuck in my feelings child with a bit of promising talent, that you remember.

I'm more than that. Much more. 

I've grown up to be who I was meant to be, with or without your direct intervention.

It's quite liberating to tell you the truth. I've done a lot of things that I've expected to do, and I've done a lot things I never expected to do. I've travelled the globe, with the exception of Asia. Last year, I took a wonderful trip to Dubai and South Africa to help rehabilitate the wildlife population. I've travelled all over Europe and gained a broader perspective of the world. My favorite experience was doing a cross continental trek through Europe. Specifically, I've gained a better knowledge of the temporary human experience and how bad and wonderful some people truly have it. I've benchmarked a lot of it to my experience to date, and I can say that Ive realized it hasnt been the worst. 

Currently, I am a full time student with a full scholarship. Yes, me. I'm sure you can believe it :). I was always smart, but I've spent the majority of my life emotionally stunted and impaired. For years, it completely masked my potential. Graduating college with the bare minimum of debt is a dream to most people though. I do feel fortunate. On top of that, I have a great job that provides for me beyond my means. 

Sometimes, my reality feels both like a dream and a fucking sick joke. Growing up in the most stressful and worst of cirumstances left me feeling insecure and worthless. I can't imagine why? I think it's because certain things really shape you forever and distort your perception. My past had really impaired my ability believe the best of people and to trust people in general. What's the point of really connecting with people if you can't connect with them in a basic human level? 

If I wasn't some mentally ill kid with a good reason, my current reality would have meant nothing. I recognized that you really tried after it all despite things. I miss your rice and beans. I've tried to replicate the recipe, but it ends up tasting like some cheap shit. It's apparently a Puerto Rican art. 

I thought that I owed it to you, after everything, to let you know I survived and am fully functional and am fine. It was a long journey to really get through it all, but I'm okay. You shouldn't bury it or feel bad about it. Humans make mistakes; I don't blame you for whatever or whatever your responses were to whatever took place. I havent spoken to him since I was 22.

After all of this time, I just wish you peace. Seriously, I hope your happy and looking forward. I think of Daniel from time to time. He's so old now! Young me thought that we could keep a connection, but yeah, no. Im guessing that you were transparent about things. Things that were to be painted black were painted rose, and things that were to be painted rose were painted blacj. It's really water under the bridge though. We've all moved on and are doing well.

As I said before, I'm writing this because a lot has caught up to me into my adult years. It's been both painful but enlightening. It's left me, but I feel like I need to write this. I'm hoping that you understand why I'm writing this note. Finally, I can be free. 

TL;DR: I'm unsure about whether to send the note above to my abusive ex-step father.

Submitted May 12, 2019 at 05:35AM

Just a bit of context: he sexually abuse me when I was 11. Turned my family against me to make me lie on the stand. Adamantly denied the abuse. I had to live with him for years after. He ended up cheating on my mom. Left her. Got married to his third wife. I have no idea what he has done after that.Email:Im writing this because I guess that my history has caught up to me and has completely left me all at the same time. I'm 25 now, going on 26. My adult head has grown in, and I've been able to think about things in a more adult manner. I'm no longer the teenage, "let's smoke weed and play guitar" person that you had to put up with. I'm no longer the lost, stuck in my feelings child with a bit of promising talent, that you remember.I'm more than that. Much more. I've grown up to be who I was meant to be, with or without your direct intervention.It's quite liberating to tell you the truth. I've done a lot of things that I've expected to do, and I've done a lot things I never expected to do. I've travelled the globe, with the exception of Asia. Last year, I took a wonderful trip to Dubai and South Africa to help rehabilitate the wildlife population. I've travelled all over Europe and gained a broader perspective of the world. My favorite experience was doing a cross continental trek through Europe. Specifically, I've gained a better knowledge of the temporary human experience and how bad and wonderful some people truly have it. I've benchmarked a lot of it to my experience to date, and I can say that Ive realized it hasnt been the worst. Currently, I am a full time student with a full scholarship. Yes, me. I'm sure you can believe it :). I was always smart, but I've spent the majority of my life emotionally stunted and impaired. For years, it completely masked my potential. Graduating college with the bare minimum of debt is a dream to most people though. I do feel fortunate. On top of that, I have a great job that provides for me beyond my means. Sometimes, my reality feels both like a dream and a fucking sick joke. Growing up in the most stressful and worst of cirumstances left me feeling insecure and worthless. I can't imagine why? I think it's because certain things really shape you forever and distort your perception. My past had really impaired my ability believe the best of people and to trust people in general. What's the point of really connecting with people if you can't connect with them in a basic human level? If I wasn't some mentally ill kid with a good reason, my current reality would have meant nothing. I recognized that you really tried after it all despite things. I miss your rice and beans. I've tried to replicate the recipe, but it ends up tasting like some cheap shit. It's apparently a Puerto Rican art. I thought that I owed it to you, after everything, to let you know I survived and am fully functional and am fine. It was a long journey to really get through it all, but I'm okay. You shouldn't bury it or feel bad about it. Humans make mistakes; I don't blame you for whatever or whatever your responses were to whatever took place. I havent spoken to him since I was 22.After all of this time, I just wish you peace. Seriously, I hope your happy and looking forward. I think of Daniel from time to time. He's so old now! Young me thought that we could keep a connection, but yeah, no. Im guessing that you were transparent about things. Things that were to be painted black were painted rose, and things that were to be painted rose were painted blacj. It's really water under the bridge though. We've all moved on and are doing well.As I said before, I'm writing this because a lot has caught up to me into my adult years. It's been both painful but enlightening. It's left me, but I feel like I need to write this. I'm hoping that you understand why I'm writing this note. Finally, I can be free. TL;DR: I'm unsure about whether to send the note above to my abusive ex-step father.