Help help! Husband got new tattoo without even a word to me

I first would like to apologize for the long post, but there’s a lot of back story and story to my questions....

So my husband has gotten several tattoos in the last few years (3 of which he got while on a trip that he never even told me about...I just saw them after the fact when he got home), about 6 new ones in total.

When I met him, he had 3. 2 smaller pieces and 1 larger piece that was unfinished. While dating we’d discussed tattoos and never once did he ever mention wanting to get more.

He is army and was due to deploy in 2017. A few months prior, he asked me if I knew of any good tattoo places, and I told him no. I don’t have any tattoos but I have had several piercings. After asking around to a few of my friends, I found him some recommendations. I just thought he was getting his larger piece finished...

We went into a few, he talked to a few artists and viewed their portfolios and he decided on one of the locations. After he made his decision, they started talking about pieces and what he wanted was 3 completely different pieces- one above his collarbone, and one on each wrist...

He never discusses with me the tattoos, never mentioned getting a NEW tattoo at all and when I asked him about it all he said was his larger piece was too simple and would take a lot of time that he didn’t have....Turns out the triangle gems he got tattooed were from a game he’d been playing a few weeks back called Ark...

Fast forward after deployment, he came home and was with me and our son for maybe a week and a half and then went to visit his family in Tennessee. He was there for a week and when he came back, I noticed he was kind of babying his right arm. He has on a jacket so I didn’t see anything, but when he took it off he had a brand new tattoo that took up his entire forearm. When I asked when and why he got it, he said it was only like 2 days old and because he was going to start working on his sleeves...

It turned into a big discussion and a lot of words were said. He kept telling me that it’s just a tattoo and that it shouldn’t matter how big or how many he got and that I should just accept things how they are. While I on the other hand tried to explain to him that it should have been something discussed or at least mentioned. A tattoos not some little thing. It’s not like cutting your hair or dying your hair or getting a piercing you end up not liking so you just take it out...It’s a more permanent decision, getting them taken off would be a lot of money into laser removal... But he just kept saying it shouldn’t matter. It was then he told me it was just one of many and that once he is done with his army career he’ll be full neck to toe tattoos if he can afford it...

I want to stress that it’s not the tattoos he's gotten or the idea of getting a tattoo. I like a lot of the ones my friends have, I like a few that he’s gotten (if they were smaller) and I think they can be cool and beautiful. However I don’t believe in just getting a tattoo because you want one. I think that something so “permanent” should have some real important meaning to the person getting it...

I am also a Christian person. Not that crazy super religious Christian that doesn’t support tattoos or piercings and goes to church twice on Sunday once on Wednesday and attends all the Bible study groups, but I do hold the Bible dear and try my best to follow in gods footsteps.

I guess what I’m wondering is do I have the right or say as his wife in any of this decision?? Was it ok for him to have gotten his tattoos without any consult or discussion with me? Should I just accept the fact that I met, fell in love with and got married to one person who will later be a completely “different” person “im just going to have to accept”?

I don’t mind tattoos at all, but I don’t find full “head to toe tattooed” people attractive or even like guys with massive tattoos. Y’all are probably going to give me mixed reviews about this, but I do find it very unattractive and trashy and not something that pushes my buttons. A few tattoos, I don’t mind, which is something I likes about my husband. But I don’t go for the fully covered and carved guy.... And yes, I know a lot of you will say it’s not what’s on the outside that matters but what’s on the inside, but for me both are important. I like the appreciate the blank slate. I want to look at and appreciate you for you, not look at you and all your tattoos...If that makes sense

Some feedback would be so helpful And apologize again for the long post 🙄

Submitted May 01, 2019 at 05:59AM

I first would like to apologize for the long post, but there’s a lot of back story and story to my questions....So my husband has gotten several tattoos in the last few years (3 of which he got while on a trip that he never even told me about...I just saw them after the fact when he got home), about 6 new ones in total.When I met him, he had 3. 2 smaller pieces and 1 larger piece that was unfinished. While dating we’d discussed tattoos and never once did he ever mention wanting to get more.He is army and was due to deploy in 2017. A few months prior, he asked me if I knew of any good tattoo places, and I told him no. I don’t have any tattoos but I have had several piercings. After asking around to a few of my friends, I found him some recommendations. I just thought he was getting his larger piece finished...We went into a few, he talked to a few artists and viewed their portfolios and he decided on one of the locations. After he made his decision, they started talking about pieces and what he wanted was 3 completely different pieces- one above his collarbone, and one on each wrist...He never discusses with me the tattoos, never mentioned getting a NEW tattoo at all and when I asked him about it all he said was his larger piece was too simple and would take a lot of time that he didn’t have....Turns out the triangle gems he got tattooed were from a game he’d been playing a few weeks back called Ark...Fast forward after deployment, he came home and was with me and our son for maybe a week and a half and then went to visit his family in Tennessee. He was there for a week and when he came back, I noticed he was kind of babying his right arm. He has on a jacket so I didn’t see anything, but when he took it off he had a brand new tattoo that took up his entire forearm. When I asked when and why he got it, he said it was only like 2 days old and because he was going to start working on his sleeves...It turned into a big discussion and a lot of words were said. He kept telling me that it’s just a tattoo and that it shouldn’t matter how big or how many he got and that I should just accept things how they are. While I on the other hand tried to explain to him that it should have been something discussed or at least mentioned. A tattoos not some little thing. It’s not like cutting your hair or dying your hair or getting a piercing you end up not liking so you just take it out...It’s a more permanent decision, getting them taken off would be a lot of money into laser removal... But he just kept saying it shouldn’t matter. It was then he told me it was just one of many and that once he is done with his army career he’ll be full neck to toe tattoos if he can afford it...I want to stress that it’s not the tattoos he's gotten or the idea of getting a tattoo. I like a lot of the ones my friends have, I like a few that he’s gotten (if they were smaller) and I think they can be cool and beautiful. However I don’t believe in just getting a tattoo because you want one. I think that something so “permanent” should have some real important meaning to the person getting it...I am also a Christian person. Not that crazy super religious Christian that doesn’t support tattoos or piercings and goes to church twice on Sunday once on Wednesday and attends all the Bible study groups, but I do hold the Bible dear and try my best to follow in gods footsteps.I guess what I’m wondering is do I have the right or say as his wife in any of this decision?? Was it ok for him to have gotten his tattoos without any consult or discussion with me? Should I just accept the fact that I met, fell in love with and got married to one person who will later be a completely “different” person “im just going to have to accept”?I don’t mind tattoos at all, but I don’t find full “head to toe tattooed” people attractive or even like guys with massive tattoos. Y’all are probably going to give me mixed reviews about this, but I do find it very unattractive and trashy and not something that pushes my buttons. A few tattoos, I don’t mind, which is something I likes about my husband. But I don’t go for the fully covered and carved guy.... And yes, I know a lot of you will say it’s not what’s on the outside that matters but what’s on the inside, but for me both are important. I like the appreciate the blank slate. I want to look at and appreciate you for you, not look at you and all your tattoos...If that makes senseSome feedback would be so helpful And apologize again for the long post 🙄