My (F) fiancé (M) has never finished me... I think it’s my fault.

My fiancé and I have been together nearly 4 years, and have been sexually active for 99.9% of that time. That means we got together when I was 18, and it’s safe to say I was ‘young and dumb’ in regards to sex. I had a few sexual partners prior to him, but it was the exact same story: None of my sexual partners have ‘helped’ me get off.

Before having sex for my first time, I watched porn to educate myself—Not a lot, but what I felt was enough. In all the videos, the female would moan, pant, etc., and I came to the realization that that was what women did. So, I did just that. For years. I didn’t have a reason to moan, I just did, because I THOUGHT that was what I was supposed to do.

Fast forward to 3 years ago: I am in a relationship with my now-fiancé. I am now realizing that sex normally (or should I say—sometimes) leads to orgasming.

Fast forward to now: I am feeling defeated. I am the one to blame, because I continue this whole act. I will say, ‘I’m cumming’, even though I am not, because I feel obligated to. Several months back, I tried mentioning that he needed to focus on my clit more, and he thought I was joking, then got sort of offended. I ended up shrugging it off as a joke, because I felt guilty. I feel like I made this bed, so I have to lay in it.

I desperately want to come clean, but I know it’s going to hurt him.

Also, it is not that we are lacking sexual chemistry or passion. I still thoroughly enjoy sex, even if I don’t finish. It’s easy for us to get hot and steamy, but not so easy when it comes to me finishing.

Should I confess about how deep this lie is? How do I confess, but also try to lift his spirits, if that is even possible?

Also, any advice on how I can help get to that finishing point?

Submitted April 11, 2019 at 04:53AM

My fiancé and I have been together nearly 4 years, and have been sexually active for 99.9% of that time. That means we got together when I was 18, and it’s safe to say I was ‘young and dumb’ in regards to sex. I had a few sexual partners prior to him, but it was the exact same story: None of my sexual partners have ‘helped’ me get off.Before having sex for my first time, I watched porn to educate myself—Not a lot, but what I felt was enough. In all the videos, the female would moan, pant, etc., and I came to the realization that that was what women did. So, I did just that. For years. I didn’t have a reason to moan, I just did, because I THOUGHT that was what I was supposed to do.Fast forward to 3 years ago: I am in a relationship with my now-fiancé. I am now realizing that sex normally (or should I say—sometimes) leads to orgasming.Fast forward to now: I am feeling defeated. I am the one to blame, because I continue this whole act. I will say, ‘I’m cumming’, even though I am not, because I feel obligated to. Several months back, I tried mentioning that he needed to focus on my clit more, and he thought I was joking, then got sort of offended. I ended up shrugging it off as a joke, because I felt guilty. I feel like I made this bed, so I have to lay in it.I desperately want to come clean, but I know it’s going to hurt him.Also, it is not that we are lacking sexual chemistry or passion. I still thoroughly enjoy sex, even if I don’t finish. It’s easy for us to get hot and steamy, but not so easy when it comes to me finishing.Should I confess about how deep this lie is? How do I confess, but also try to lift his spirits, if that is even possible?Also, any advice on how I can help get to that finishing point?