My (25M) girlfriend (22F) has expressed interest in swinging/threesomes and I don't feel the same. I'm not sure how to feel

So basically, my girlfriend and I love each other dearly. She has a 3 year old son who I love as well and we're definitely planning a future together. However, she's recently made some comments to me that have me a little worried.

First off, we have a solid relationship. Our sex life is great, and I'm always down to trying new things in the bedroom (toys, positions, role playing, etc.) We talk about our future and she sees us getting married and having kids and all that.

Early in our relationship, she had expressed an interest in experimenting with another girl. She's a very curious person, and lives by the motto "anything once". She asked if I'd ever be okay with that, and I was honest and said it would make me uncomfortable, to which she replied "That's okay. It's just a fantasy anyway." She didn't like the idea of me with another girl in a threesome (neither do I), so we just dropped it altogether.

Fast forward to now, and she has mentioned that she's interested in swinging and it's a fantasy of hers, and that she thinks it'd be a cool thing for us to try. She's also done a 180 and said she thinks the idea of me having sex with another girl while she watches or participates is a huge turn on. She even went so far as to say that she's masturbated to the thought of me and her best friend having sex. One night at a bar, she said to one of our mutual friends "I'm definitely swinging at least once in my life". None of these scenarios are anything I have any interest in.

I told her that I have no interest in doing any of these things, and her overall response was "we don't have to do any of it if you don't want to." She said she'd rather just not do any of those things than lose me, and that that's a sacrifice she's willing to make to be with me. She said she wishes she had never even brought any of this up because she feels bad that it makes me uneasy. (Side note: she does agree with me that once a couple gets married, sex should stay between those people and not involve anyone else, not that we're judging anyone).

I guess I just don't know how to feel. I'm afraid that she'll grow to resent me in the future for not letting her experience these things and that maybe she's feeling like this because I'm not good enough for her. She constantly reassures me that I mean the world to her, and she's okay with all sexual activity being between only us.

So, do I take her word for it that she's okay with just having fantasies and keeping sex between us, or do you think this is a sign that something's wrong and could destroy our relationship in the future?

TLDR; Girlfriend expressing fantasies of swinging and threesomes, but says we never have to do them if I don't want to, and I absolutely don't want to. Thoughts?



Submitted April 11, 2019 at 06:56AM

So basically, my girlfriend and I love each other dearly. She has a 3 year old son who I love as well and we're definitely planning a future together. However, she's recently made some comments to me that have me a little worried.First off, we have a solid relationship. Our sex life is great, and I'm always down to trying new things in the bedroom (toys, positions, role playing, etc.) We talk about our future and she sees us getting married and having kids and all that.Early in our relationship, she had expressed an interest in experimenting with another girl. She's a very curious person, and lives by the motto "anything once". She asked if I'd ever be okay with that, and I was honest and said it would make me uncomfortable, to which she replied "That's okay. It's just a fantasy anyway." She didn't like the idea of me with another girl in a threesome (neither do I), so we just dropped it altogether.Fast forward to now, and she has mentioned that she's interested in swinging and it's a fantasy of hers, and that she thinks it'd be a cool thing for us to try. She's also done a 180 and said she thinks the idea of me having sex with another girl while she watches or participates is a huge turn on. She even went so far as to say that she's masturbated to the thought of me and her best friend having sex. One night at a bar, she said to one of our mutual friends "I'm definitely swinging at least once in my life". None of these scenarios are anything I have any interest in.I told her that I have no interest in doing any of these things, and her overall response was "we don't have to do any of it if you don't want to." She said she'd rather just not do any of those things than lose me, and that that's a sacrifice she's willing to make to be with me. She said she wishes she had never even brought any of this up because she feels bad that it makes me uneasy. (Side note: she does agree with me that once a couple gets married, sex should stay between those people and not involve anyone else, not that we're judging anyone).I guess I just don't know how to feel. I'm afraid that she'll grow to resent me in the future for not letting her experience these things and that maybe she's feeling like this because I'm not good enough for her. She constantly reassures me that I mean the world to her, and she's okay with all sexual activity being between only us.So, do I take her word for it that she's okay with just having fantasies and keeping sex between us, or do you think this is a sign that something's wrong and could destroy our relationship in the future?TLDR; Girlfriend expressing fantasies of swinging and threesomes, but says we never have to do them if I don't want to, and I absolutely don't want to. Thoughts?
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